Chinese Indonesian | Curacaoan
I identify myself as someone from Curacao who has Indonesian roots, and I always used to say I’m half Black, half Asian and make stereotypical racial jokes about both races. For example, say that I was Black from the waist down and Asian from the waist up. But until a year ago I took a 23dna test to figure out what I was, end it ended up being that I was 50% Asian, 23% European & 22% sub-Saharan African. It made me question my identity, do I now have to say I’m half Asian part European and part Black. Do I keep saying I’m part Asian part Black because where I was born, raised and know the culture? What can I claim as my culture? As I’ve been introduced to so many cultures, at a young age. What can I say I have lived through to claim I have also experienced? I also used to use the N-word and got called the N-word, but ever since moving away from Curacao I have tried to use it as little as possible, I questioned if I could still say it, especially after the 23andme results. Who gets to decide of its still ok for me to say it, have I in some people’s eyes become too little too Black to say it? Or can I only mention it 22% times a day (out of the average 7000 words men say per day that means I can say it 1540 times). Does it matter? Because of the culture and where I grew up, who gets to decide that for me. But in the end, it’s best if we don’t use the word at all. Furthermore, I feel like a chameleon, because depending with who I am hanging out with I behave differently, I feel like I can blend in well with everyone. It is only beneficial to me because I’m accepted in every culture due to knowing a little bit of every culture, and I can learn from everyone. My Mother is Chinese Indonesian, and my father is from Curacao. My Mother had moved from the Netherlands with her then Boyfriend to Curacao. While she was here, they broke up, and she met my Father. My parents did not combine their culture as they split at a young age; after that, I never really saw my Father. My Mother brought me up and taught me Dutch/Indonesian culture because she lived in the Netherlands from a young age. I mostly learned about Curacao culture from my friends, living there and school. Because of this, I felt like I was living a bit of a double life, at home, I would speak Dutch take off my shoes at the door, not curse and be very respectful. But at school, I would speak Papiamentu with my friends, make crude jokes, have Asian jokes made about me.
Well, judging that my Mother has a mixed child, I would say she is accepting about interracial relationships. I have never asked my Grandparents about it, but they have also lived for a long time in the Netherlands, and I have various family members who are younger and are also bi-racial. I think bi-racial relationships are beautiful as you see a blending of cultures, of course, identity might later on in life become an issue, but that all depends on how you are brought up, and how you handle it. Because of where I grew up. I’m very attracted to women who have a bit of an attitude. And I like someone who is internationally-minded as Curacao is there are a lot of cultures blending. But my mind and vision expanded once I moved to the Netherlands. Almost all of my friends are international. I haven’t experienced any challenges that I’m aware of, things might have happened but that I did not identify them as a challenge related to my identity. The only difficulties were internal and not external. I felt that I did not belong because I did not look the same.I would say I only connect with the culture of Curacao regarding my music taste, my dancing style, fashion and language because the neighbouring countries heavily influence these. I do speak four languages but only a few words Bahasa Indonesia. But when it comes to food, I would say I connect to both cultures as both have things I love. My favourite dish is Rendang with rice, which is Indonesian, but a nice cheese pastechi (a fried savoury pastry) is always nice to have for breakfast or lunch. I can say I get the best of both worlds, in Curacao I can get good food from South America, the U.S and the Caribbean. While with family or when I did my last internship in Bali for six months, I got to eat good Asian food. From good Korean BBQ, Chinese to traditional Indonesian dishes.
I was born and raised in Curacao and lived there until I was 20 years old. I have visited my family in Indonesia a couple of times, I also lived in Bali for 6 months for my final internship, I went for the experience of a different culture. I did not really go with learning in mind, but it was an eye-opening experience for me. I think identity is forever changing as you are experiencing new things; your outlook will change. It is a continually evolving thing. When I was younger, I hated the fact I was mixed-race, because I did not feel like I belong. As I got older, I became more confident in who I am and where I’m from, I’ve become more appreciative of all the things I have experienced and the mixture of cultures. It is what makes me, well me.
If I had the opportunity to be born again I would want to return the same as it made me who I am today, I would not give it up for anything. A mixture like mine is something is pretty unique. As much as there might be certain experiences that are not positives. There are also good ones that outshine the negative ones. Each of those made me who I am today.