German | Nigerian
I identify as mixed German-Nigerian. I am a Christian; a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My Mum grew up in Germany, and my Dad had moved there for a better life in Nigeria. He lived with an older German lady who was a member of the church. Being Nigerian, my Dad had a Christian upbringing, so when he moved to Germany he came to the Church and there he met my Mum.
My Dad learned to speak German fluently, so German became the language we spoke at home when we moved to the UK. I was only 3 years old at the time. He would always cook very spicy food, that Mum couldn’t handle so we didn’t actually share combined meals often.
After moving to the UK, we made one visit back to Germany as a family when I was around years old. I remember two things about that trip; eating Gyros from a Greek street vendor and Peking Duck at a Chinese restaurant in Hamburg. Unfortunately my parents separated when I was 13, so I don’t have a frame of reference beyond that point and my memories of our time as a family unit have faded as I approach my 30s.
From the age of 10, I grew up in South East London and my closest friends were Chinese and Vietnamese. I think that ended up having more of an influence on me. I became a Chameleon, fitting into whichever part of my heritage I needed to reflect the people I was around. In school I gravitated towards friends who were also people of colour. I remember distinctly when we had a Sunday school lesson and I was asked, ‘So are you Black or White?’. To which I responded, ‘I’m not Black or White, I’m mixed-race.’
However, I was obsessed with 50 Cent and rap music in my early teens and dressed in loose, large tracksuits to reflect that. I leaned towards my ‘Black side’, more heavily when around White people to differentiate myself from them.
The interesting thing is that whenever someone who is mixed Black and White, they are just labelled as Black. People deciding your race for you. People will look at us and categorise us as one race or another, dependent on how strong specific genes manifest themselves in our appearance. They will feel entitled to label us accordingly and feel completely validated in arguing that stance. Why they feel they have the right to do so, I have no idea. But here we are. In some cases, we may even welcome this approach, since we just want to feel accepted by a dominant racial group. Even if our appearance completely reflects one race, we know somewhere in the back of our minds that we’re neglecting part of our heritage and that chips away at our souls. However, with the growth of mixed-race communities online and in person, this is the age of embracing the mixed-race experience. My identity is valid on its own and I love that.
I think dependant on the culture you come from, it will affect your experience differently. I have friends who are Asian for example; Vietnamese and Sri-Lankan, who previously dated outside of their race but then only became serious towards marriage when they found a partner from their same culture.
Alongside that, my identity as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ meant that I wanted to find a partner who shares my values and faith. I actually met my wife through church too at a social event through a mutual friend. She is British born Filipina, so has strong cultural ties there.
When I started dating my wife, her parents did not take too well to my ethnicity and viewed me with suspicion at first. Over time they however discovered how I love food and essentially show their love, as Filipinos do, by feeding me delicious food. My love for food probably won me over more than my love for their daughter! I enjoy being able to understand a variety of cultures and I know that these experiences have woven themselves into the fabric of my life.
I like being able to identify myself as German, because I have a German passport. Black, because of the colour of my skin being non-White. I certainly have light skin privilege because I am an easy token to White spaces and that makes it easier to navigate the corporate world I work in.
My challenges were mainly growing up. Feeling I needed to choose between two sides of an identity when posed questions around my race. However, because I speak German and have lived in the UK most of my life, that has often been a more distinguishing factor than the colour of my skin alone. I have visited Germany on several occasions, since it’s on our doorstep flight-wise. I have never visited Nigeria because my Mother instilled a fear into me of that place, which spawned from the stories my Father told her about his experience there. At the current time, I don’t have plans to visit.
I grew up thinking you had to choose a side and I now affirm that you do not need to choose. I recognise I am a combination of my heritage and experience. My identity as a person of mixed-race is valid on its own and I love that.
The interesting thing is that whenever someone who is mixed Black and White, they are just labelled as Black. I mean, President Obama is mixed-race but simply categorised as Black. We would have representation if people didn’t stop referring to us by one side of our heritage.
I enjoy writing on the mixed-race experience (although I have been slacking recently due to other projects).
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I’d like to be wealthy, so I could be successful and call myself ‘self-made’ after securing a loan of £1million from my parents.
I’m extremely lucky to be able to be able to work from home during the pandemic. I’ve started hitting the gym every weekday morning to lift weights which has had a positive effect on my mental state.