English | Mexican
My Dad is Mexican and my Mum is English. They met in Puerto Vallarta in the late 80s when my Mum was teaching English as a foreign language. My Dad worked as a hotel bar singer, and they met one night after work. My Dad was in his 20s and my Mum in her late 30s, quite risqué in those days.
During my early childhood, we lived in Mexico and would come back to Britain during the summer, so I was always exposed to both Mexico and the UK as my homes. As artists I think my Mum and Dad used music and art to share each other’s cultures, I still have drawings and paintings my Mum did of our hometown. My parents separated when I was three but my Mum and I continued to live in Mexico for the next three years. There is a big population of American expats in Mexico, so I think people assumed my Mum was one of them.
I don’t really have many memories of my parents together as a couple so I never noticed if my parents faced any hostility towards their relationship. However, I know that my Mother was always made to feel welcome in Mexico and made many friends so certainly in my early childhood I never was aware of racism towards interracial couples. However, from friends who I know who are from different cultures, I know this isn’t the case. One friend of mine talks about how her parents couldn’t walk on the same side of the street as they were an interracial couple living in an intolerant place. I’m now in an interracial relationship myself; my partner is English/ French Guianan. It’s funny because we physically look quite different but both have Latin American heritage. Depending on where we are, sometimes we both notice people looking at us as a couple, I don’t think with hostility, just with curiosity, I guess if you don’t look ‘normal’, people automatically feel entitled to hear your story.
From the age of six onwards I grew up in Brighton with my White British family, so to an extent lost my connection to my Mexican side. Consciously I never thought about race being a factor in who I would end up being partnered with. However, it is interesting to me that my partner and I have both had quite similar experiences when it comes to our heritage. We are both mixed-race, and to an extent have felt disconnected to one side of our heritage. Since getting together, we have both become increasingly curious to investigate and reconnect with the lost side of our heritages.
I love that both Mexican and British cultures are so different yet equally rich. I feel so lucky to have spent my early childhood in Mexico. I went to a Spanish-speaking school and got to experience a very different way of life. Whilst my Spanish is not perfect, I love being able to speak another language. Being half-Mexican meant that I could study Comparative Literature at University as I could use Spanish and Latin American literature to compare and contrast with English texts. This meant to an extent I got to compare and contrast the two sides of my identity as part of my degree. As a comedian, I love getting to talk about my heritage in a way that I hope informs people as well as making them laugh.
As a performer, being mixed-race has brought both the good and the bad. I only really became aware that I wasn’t White when I left drama school. Having always played any part at drama school regardless of age race or gender, suddenly casting directors were only seeing me for ‘sassy Latina’ roles. These castings come up all the time, and they are normally the worst kind of stereo-type. I love Shakespeare but was only auditioned once at a main theatre for a Shakespeare production because they were setting it in Mexico. They ended up not using any actual Mexicans in the production because the Mexicans they saw ‘didn’t look Mexican enough’. Stuff like this in my industry drives me mad. I know other mixed-race performers who are always told they aren’t ‘enough’ of one race or the other. It can be incredibly frustrating. On the flip side, being mixed-race also enables you to be a bit of a chameleon if people can’t immediately place you.
I currently live in Brixton and work part-time in a Mexican restaurant. The majority of the staff are either Hispanic or Latin American so I am immersed in Spanish quite a lot of the time. As a performer, I feel like I am always being exposed to new cultures so feel quite lucky that I can connect with them quite easily.
Since living in Mexico as a child I have yet to return, I feel like it would be a strange and alienating feeling so maybe I’m putting off going for a reason. I will go one day: I’m just waiting for the right moment. Closer to home, I’m really keen to visit my Mum’s hometown in Essex. My Mum moved to London when she was older so I’ve seen key points where she lived as a teenager. I suppose I’ve always felt a connection to London as that is where most of my English family were based at different points in their lives.
I’m definitely more aware of race and ethnicity than I was as a child. I was always aware that I was a bit different to other people in my school (especially with my unusual name) but my best friend at primary school (and today) is mixed-race; England/ Dubai, so I never felt alone. I’ve never been anything but proud to be of a dual heritage but with an increasing societal awareness of race and ethnicity, I have definitely felt confused and lost in recent years. I still struggle with how I identify myself, especially as I definitely have White privilege being quite light skinned. I feel comfortable identifying as mixed-race but still feel uncomfortable with terms such as BAME, maybe because Mexicans aren’t an oppressed group in the way they are in the United States. I have always found it interesting how people think they have a right to tell you what they see when they look at you. Sometimes I get comments like ‘you don’t look very Mexican’ other times when I tell people I’m half-Mexican I get the opposite, ‘Oh so that’s why you look like that’. People also are very quick to guess where I am from which I have always found odd, but I think that comes with having an unusual name. My name isn’t actually Spanish, it’s Aztec. When people are constantly questioning your identity, it’s hard not to question it yourself.
The world of performance is going through a huge change at the moment, so I think it’s becoming more accommodating and inclusive towards female performers and non-White actors. We are in the age of diversity and the age of #MeToo so it’s great that things are changing, but absolutely I’ve experienced harassment because of my gender, and have definitely been racially stereotyped because of my Latina heritage. I now work predominantly in comedy where it was recently said at a topical comedy writing workshop ‘the more diverse voices we have, the richer comedy will be’. I think it’s an exciting time to be a writer-performer.
I honestly don’t think I would want to be born again, I feel so lucky to be living the life I am living, filled with inspiring creative people. I supposed the only thing I would change would be to have a stronger connection to both the British and Mexican sides of my family so I could feel more rooted in both sides of my heritage. My family has grown significantly smaller over the years and sometimes this makes me feel a bit lonely. But I look forward to starting my own family and will always make sure they know about their history.