English | Mauritian
I identify as a Dad. But if I was to identify myself in labels, I would say I'm a middle aged, middle class, mixed-race male with a disability and no religious beliefs.
My Mother is from the UK, my Father is from Mauritius. My Dad had just moved to London from France. They met at a party in Clapton, Hackney, a stone's throw from where I now live. My Mum did try to combine cultures when she was pregnant with me in 1980. The first question a close family member asked her when I was born was 'is he Black?'.
It probably sounds really corny, but I don't see events in life as challenges, they are all part of life's experiences and often they don't resolve themselves, but that's fine. I suppose the biggest personal event I have been experiencing this year is the ill health of my Father who is an alcoholic. He is trying to address this but the long term consequences of his actions on himself and those around him aren't resolved. It is an ongoing process that changes over time. It is definitely an event that has shaped me though!
Although I would say I'm emotionally intelligent or at least connected to my emotions, I very rarely cry, letting go with tears and sobs. I can remember exactly when the last time was, 10th June 2012, 10 years and one week ago. Our second baby Herbie was born prematurely while on holiday in Cornwall. He sadly died an hour later. Maisie (Herbie's mother) and I cried uncontrollably for a while together when he was born. It was both a release of the stresses of the problem pregnancy and the traumatic birth, but also I think we both knew how it would end.
I have of course felt wobbly or had a frog in my throat since. I even had tears of joy 11 months later when our son Rusty was born, but I haven't cried like I did 10 years ago since.
I am partially deaf, I have single sided deafness and mild hearing loss in my 'good' ear. I now wear hearing aids which help, but when I was younger I didn't wear them because I didn't want to be seen as deaf. That of course meant I missed plenty of what was being said around me- therefore highlighting my disability more!
If I had to choose a role model I would probably pick my Step Father. He was a funny man, good in social situations and able to tell a story. I wanted to be like that.
In the summer people always comment on my skin colour as I change dramatically between summer and winter. In summer I am nearly as dark as my Father, in winter almost as pale as my Mother. My tan never fails to get a comment! People will always ask if I've been on holiday or say 'you've caught the sun'. I don't particularly mind it, but I'm pretty sure the same people wouldn't say this to my Dad for example. My (White) family used to refer to me and my sister as 'half caste' but I see that more as the terminology of the era rather than any intentional malice on their part. They certainly wouldn't use that term now.
I feel tremendously proud to be mixed-race and have dual heritage. But my Father does not particularly enjoy talking about his past and can't understand my interest in this side of my life. He did not teach me or my sister Creole or French and doesn't relate to being Mauritian any more. My Grandmother used to speak about it to us when we were children, she'd teach us songs and tell us stories from her childhood, but as she lived in Mauritius we would only see her every 2 years. I did feel proud, though when I was younger I called it 'Half-Caste' as that was what I was told I was! Today, living in London, I see so many more people who are mixed-race, it feels much more 'normal' than when I was a child living in a mixed-race family in quite a White area.
As a child, I didn't go to Mauritius because my Father was living in this country illegally so we could never travel abroad. My Mauritian family had to always come to us (not that they knew about my Father's situation). I first went there at 15, without my Father, to spend time with my Grandmother. I have visited a number of times since. I was close to my Grandmother and would have loved to have seen her more.
I work as a TV director and I am heartened to see more action in my industry to address the imbalance of representation at the top of the tree. I am glad that there is some positive action taking place but I must admit to feeling slightly conflicted on this issue personally. I think I could pass as White (certainly in the winter anyway!) and believe I have enjoyed many of the privileges that are afforded to White males in our society. So I do sometimes feel it's not fair on other underrepresented groups to advertise my own mixed-race heritage in a professional context. On balance I tend to think it is ok to do this as it's my experiences of living in a mixed-race family and my heritage that I am drawing on, not my skin colour.
I feel British predominantly and I'm learning about my Mauritian heritage and culture independently. I have found Mixedracefaces really helpful in processing some of my feelings around my heritage.