English/Jamaican | Unknown
In 1991 I was born I was born under the name Kaia, in 1992 my name was legally changed to and remains Kia, (Kia, being the same pronunciation as Kia, just spelt differently). If I had to specify I’d say that I'm a 28-year-old heterosexual, female, born in the UK, of mixed heritage. I was in foster care as a baby then later adopted so it hasn’t always been the easiest thing for me in my life, to pinpoint my specific heritage due to my past and life experience. Parts of my heritage that are confirmed is that I’m 1/4 Jamaican and 1/4 English. Although the other half remains unknown, this is more than likely to be Pakistani. I’m not one for being massively big on categorising certain things or having to try to specify what I don’t fully know. Through wisdom, patience and self-love I’ve come to learn, understand, find comfort and self-assurance that’s ok to not fully know, and quite normal really. This makes me human, it makes me unique, it makes me, me. And if this adds any value of benefit to someone's life that it may help or resonate with then all the more better.
My Mum who adopted me is half Dominican and half English, my adopted Dad is English. They met when they were both working in the mill together in the village I grew up in called Cullingworth on the outskirts of Bradford during the late 1970’s. My biological Father is unknown, although as naive as this may sound, there’s been speculation that he was Pakistani (I believe after a subtle search to find him at one point in my life when I felt like I needed that, that this could be true). Him and my biological Mother met in Bradford around before 1990. My biological Mother is half Jamaican, half English, my Mum supervised a meeting with her and my half biological sister when I was 12 years old so I could put a picture to her face and grasp an understanding of my identity, for which I am forever grateful to my Mum.
I grew up in a very White working-class rural village, so it was traditionally British most of the time but they did integrate their cultures well. My Mum and Dad both grew up in surrounding villages, Mum had the duty of bringing up her own siblings, by cooking traditional British meals and living by adopting British values set by my Nan (her Mum) in the home. My Dad had a stiff upper lip upbringing from his Step-Mum who didn’t treat them nicely. His Mum died when he was young, and his Dad before I was born so I don’t know a great deal about these Grandparents. Whilst having their own children before and after me, Mum and Dad had been fostering for many years before they eventually adopted me. I was told that ever since I could remember that I was different, because I was the special little girl that didn’t grow inside Mummy's tummy but was loved all the same. Because my parents were so open, and honest about my identity I have so much love and respect for them. They really set the standard in life for me I think by never being deceitful or keeping my adoption hidden away from me my whole life. They were/are always as honest with me as possible all out of love and respect. I was christened as a baby but religion and the church were never enforced within our household. None of us followed but as a small village community we celebrated Christmas etc and we have a nice sense of community. My siblings are all mixed-race too, so no one questioned us really growing up and I didn’t stick out like a saw thumb. I remember often eating mainly traditionally British food, but also because Bradford was the closest city to us, we would sometimes have curry too as a treat (curry from Bradford is the best in the UK and is labelled the UK’s curry capital, which I’ve always been modestly proud of). Things were combined very naturally. Our traditional family parties would be held at the local club or pub, with a spread of sausage rolls, volovants and sandwiches, hosted by a dodge 90’s DJ wearing a questionable all in one shell suit, someone had recommended by a mate of a mate. Going on holiday as a family and other family friends on our street/from the village and surrounding villages to Butlins was a frequent regular thing. I also remember going to my Mum’s Dominican side of the family’s summer BBQ’s in Chapeltown in Leeds. Which I absolutely used to love, I’d see my Grandad once in a blue moon (my Mums Dad), I remember him speaking in another language once which was Patois, and I was mesmerised by this because it’s the first time I’d ever heard anyone speak in another language in my family apart from English. I used to dance the night away with all my cousins whilst massive speakers blared out the likes of Sean Paul, old school reggae and soca tunes. The vibe was great, it gave me a sense of our West Indian culture, the Jerk Chicken, curried goat, dumplins, rice and peas my Auntie’s cooked was out of this world. We loved it that much they used to box it up for us take batches home eventually my Mum began cooking West Indian food herself. My Mum and Dad divorced when I was 7 but maintained on good terms for the best interest of their children (which we are lucky for). Mum became a single foster parent, that balanced this alongside working a job as a residential care worker. My older sister stepped in and raised me a lot through my adolescence and pushed me to work hard in school to achieve. I remember saying to her, I’m going to finish school at 16 and go to college to do hairdressing like her. She said no. You’re not. You’re going to go to university and make something of yourself. Years later I became the first person in my family to ever go to University and graduate with a BA Hons in Acting. She literally became Mum, for when Mum wasn’t around and I owe my older sister a lot of thanks because she’s helped shape the person I am today. If it wasn’t for her instilling in me confidence and self-belief, I’d probably still be stuck in that village miserable. My sister would cook different food such as Mexican, Thai and curry from scratch, she taught me how to take care of myself, do my hair, do my eyebrows, my make up, cook food, how to look after my skin. I think over time it’s been easier to manage because people have become more accepting of the norm that people are different races. In comparison to back in my Mum and Dads prime time when it would’ve been a bit more difficult.
I think interracial relationships are the natural way of the world, the movement of people throughout history is a reality. Whether we like it or not, if we break it down, I believe we would find that, with research being done, the majority of us are all immigrants. When I was around 9/10 I remember watching the news and I asked my Mum if more and more people in the world were going to be mixed-race? And she said yes, absolutely, statistics are saying that the majority of the world will be someday soon, (which I guess is already happening). In my Grandparents generation, it's still a little bit wild because up until my Nan (who’s 75) got really ill and lost her speech recently. After a few drinks (not that that’s a valid excuse for her behaviour), she would still make comments or slurs that had racially abusive undertones. This is the same for a lot of older people up in the area where I’m from, I’ve had my other mixed-race friends tell me themselves that their Grandads/Grandma would do the same. How can you even begin to justify this? Let alone given the fact that your own children/Grandchildren are mixed-race/of different heritages. I remember my Mum once telling us that when her Mum’s Dad (he died before I was born, I didn’t meet him) found out she was pregnant with two Black babies he initially hit the roof. Then when they were born became absolutely smitten and so in love with them. I think fear from the older generations of those predominantly in small towns/villages really gets the better of people and then they become stuck in that small-town mentality which is poisonous and ludicrous.
For the majority of my life I thought I was attracted to White guys because that’s mainly all I knew. I moved to London and realised that I became more attracted to mixed-race guys. And that I was merely going along with the familiar, and what I knew from the past. I realised I happen to be much more naturally attracted to mixed-race guys. I wish I could explain why this is what I’m attracted to but I can’t I just have a clearer true sense of self and my desires. I think it comes with understanding and accepting yourself in your most purest form, and not denying the reality of what you’re feeling. People just know what they like. I think culture can be one of many contributing factors which can have an impact and/or influence in the way you choose your partner. Each individual case is completely different and the way we choose our partner is down to a number or things not just solely our culture alone.
I love being a bit of everything, and that people often become confused and wondering what I am can be both a blessing at a curse at the same time. It’s pretty cool that I can literally change my ethnicity just by having my hair either naturally curly or straight. I like the fact that I don’t try to blend in and that I’m so comfortable by being in my own skin, with the ability to be a chameleon and shift between my repertoire of ethnicities. The ability to pass for more than one race in terms of casting for my line of work in acting is something I’m pretty grateful for too. It’s having a wider sense of connection to other cultures because you yourself are made up of one or many, I’m proud that I have deep interest to learn so much about different cultures. Which allows me to see things from more than one perspective, constantly. I’ve never had to pick between two cultures, I’ve always had a very relaxed, open upbringing with lots of freedom. I was never forced to believe in anything or follow a specific religion because my parents did and believed I should too. I was always given the freedom to explore the world and form my own views from having really open, easy going, understanding parents that I have so much time, love and respect for. It makes me proud that I have true and well-defined cultures, I know where some of my native people and ancestors are from.
I grew up with my cousin, my Mum and Auntie and we call had the same skin colour, so as a child growing up with this provided me comfort. I also grew up with kids from a range of backgrounds and cultures having had foster kids in my life, which has given me a love, respect, admiration and genuine interest of people from different cultures, heritages and backgrounds. This desire to immerse myself into other cultures and explore the world has led to some of the best times in my life, like when I moved to Malaysia for two years. This always helped me gain some sense of security that I wasn’t the only ‘different looking’ child around also growing up.
I’m often complimented and told I’m really pretty, or beautiful. Like today on the bus a lovely young 14-year-old girl on the bus in Brixton said, ‘excuse me, you’re really pretty’, I just wanted to hug her, she was gorgeous. Biologically because of the wide range of genes from my gene pools, I’m essentially made up of more than one or two races, potentially three. Looks aren’t essential but I’m happy that aesthetically I got some of the good genes. Which leads me onto my next point… I’m aging well, I’m 28 with grey hairs but I still look and can pass for around 19/20. I’m proud of my cultures and heritages that identify me. I love my hair, I love my curls, I’m proud of going on a hair journey as for me as a child, my Mum didn’t really know how to handle my hair. I’m so over the phase of a being that teenager who would do anything to have western hair. I love how thick my natural hair is and how volumised it is, and I’m grateful that I have my hair, not anyone else hair. A big one for me was that I’ve never been deceived about my biological heritage or told lies around anything. I’ve always been told the truth about my Jamaican, English, potentially Pakistani heritage.
A ridiculous amount of racism, especially having grown up where I grew up. Pro- Brexit supporters, i.e people I didn’t know were racist come out of the woodwork. Using social media as a platform to rant their splurges really tipped me over the edge. With London previously in the pipeline, I knew it was the perfect time for me to leave the village for London. It also sounds crazy but I was able to find really strange positive through being racially abused growing up/going to school where I did. It not only provided me with a stand up for yourself, stand up for what’s right, take no nonsense demeanour. It mainly demonstrated how I was always above them, I realised quickly they were reacting out of fear or narrow-minded ignorance. I never sympathised with anyone who racially abused me from my past, I did however pity them. Because sadly that’s all they knew/know from generations and generations of unbroken patterns of fear passed down from their elders.
Growing up with half of your identity undisclosed was never going to be an easy fight and in the past before I became comfortable with who I am, I suffered one or two Identity crises. Which I’ve worked through with a lot of self-care and paying attention to and focusing on my own needs. Being labelled as ‘exotic’ or ‘mysterious’ isn’t always as appealing as the average Joe might find it. It’s just something that doesn't always impress or go down too well. At the end of the day, were all just people too, trying to live our life and maybe this comment isn't necessary in the middle of the street, or whilst you’re following me into the shop, harassing me and trying to get my number. I’m never impressed by this kind of behaviour and it can be intimidating. I’m not an exotic species from the amazon rainforest. I’m a woman that looks a little different or unique, with a broad Yorkshire accent. Sometimes having an ‘exotic’ look draws unwanted attention.
I grew up with my Mum listening to a lot of artists like Whitney Houston, Babyface, Boys to Men, Toni Braxton, Motown, UB40. Then my Dad’s 80’s power ballads like BeeGees, Phil Collins, Simply Red, Rod Stewart Collections. Which makes me feel proud that I have such a love and a varied taste for music, I have a really open attitude towards different types of music from across the world.
When I was a small child I got a Black Barbie doll and it was the most special toy I’ve ever had because it was the only thing I could associate with which was incredible for me. I’m an artist so I’ve always danced, and acted and being naturally very creative, and skilled within the arts my whole life. I connect to each other my culture and express myself through emotion, mood and feelings. I never force or try to imitate or create a certain type of way of dressing, or expressing myself, I know that my cultures make up a lot of who I am. But I feed into what I like, what I naturally feel something towards or what I’m moved by or feel a certain type of way towards. I think that’s the whole concept of being an artist. I like different types of food, dance, music, fashion and languages.
The only native country I have visited is here. I haven’t been to my Mum’s native country (Dominica). I haven’t been to St Thomas in Jamaica where my Biological Grandfather was from, and I apparently still have biological family there. I haven’t been to where my biological Father is from because it’s not confirmed (and if it is Pakistan, I haven’t been).
It’s crazy because a young girl in my naive mind that I allowed the wrath of living up to what’s deemed as society’s acceptable/proper ways get the better of me. And I used to wish, my hair was naturally straight as opposed to after 1 hour blow dry and 1 hour run over with the GHD’s why it wouldn’t just go straight like the other White girls I was growing up around as a teen. Teenage years are hard and complex but learning to love and accept your true self in your purest and most natural form, I seriously don’t think there’s a much greater gift from life. I have a ridiculous amount of love my natural curls, going on a massive hair journey of self-discovery has been so enlightening. I’ve honestly never in my life have I been so content and happy with my ethnicity as much as I am now. And I also think moving to and living in London has dramatically contributed to that. I feel very naturally at ease and comfort here, I feel like in a city like London we all embrace and are proud of our multicultural backgrounds. The older I get I know the comfort and pride of being mixed will only increase.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I wouldn’t want to return as anyone else. I’m forever grateful for having the life I’ve had, in the skin I am in. The ups, the downs, the highs and the lows. I’m so proud of myself, for all I’ve become and for who I am/where I’m going. When it’s my time and I can’t wait to have my own babies that will be mixed-race, leaving a proud mixed and embracing it legacy on to follow.