English/Irish | St Lucian/Antiguan
I was adopted and considered my parents who raised me to be my Mum and Dad. They were both born and raised in the UK but Mum's family is from Poland and my Dad is Jewish. They met by my Mum renting a room in the house my Dad was a live-in landlord of (I don't want to think about any discount in rent Mum might have got!). I was raised to be aware of Judaism and Polish culture. This was done through food, film, music and festivals.
My biological Dad is St Lucian & Antiguan and Biological Mum is English/Irish. They were 15 when I was conceived and met through knowing the same people. My birth Mum lived in Slough and my birth Dad lived in Hackney. He used to stay at his Aunt's house in Slough during the holidays.
I am happily married to a British East Londoner whose family are from the Caribbean and I think on an unconscious level my cultures did affect how I chose my partner. By this I mean, being adopted and very light skinned, I wasn't always sure if I did have a Black biological parent or not. I have always found it interesting that despite not knowing my birth Father was Black Caribbean and growing up in a White family in a predominantly White area, I have always found myself drawn to people of colour and particularly those with Caribbean heritage. Maybe on an unconscious level I always knew this was part of my background.
Being adopted adds an additional layer of desire to fit in. Very difficult when you have an afro at age 5!! My sister (also adopted) is White and was often mistaken for our parents’ biological daughter. I didn’t have that luxury and whilst I have always felt a part of the family I have been raised in, society has constantly reminded me I don’t look as though I am a part of my family. I have even been mistaken for an exchange student before. In order to try and ‘look the part’ I would straighten my hair, try not to tan and really play up the Jewish part of my Dad's heritage as that was often seen as an 'acceptable' answer to my skin tone and dark hair.
Brazil is the only country I have visited where I wasn't asked where I was from. It was assumed I was Brazilian and it was the first time I felt completely at ease with my ethnicity and looked as if society was not trying to define me.
I work in London and I think interracial relationships are more accepted in certain parts of the UK. When my husband and I have gone to other parts of the UK or other countries we have been stared at and had comments made. I think it is more accepted than previous generations but there is still a long way to go.
I have an 'ambiguous' look and have often been able to pass as other ethnicities. This has been useful at times but can also be frustrating as I would love to meet a new person and, for once, they don't feel the need to ask me 'where are you from?'. It is challenging having both Black and White friends and family but never really being 'fully' seen as either one or the other. Sometimes I feel you can fit in everywhere and nowhere.
I haven’t visited my native countries but we are planning trips to St Lucia and Antigua (with my birth family). It might sound strange but I genuinely didn't know I was mixed-race until I was 19 and I first had contact with my birth Mum. I'm very light skinned and I wasn't given any information on my birth Father growing up. I was always aware I wasn't exactly like the White children at school but I also knew I wasn't exactly like the Black children. Since I've known my heritage, so many things have clicked into place but it's also caused confusion (internally) as I haven't been raised 'Black' and almost feel as though I am betraying my White family who raised me if I immerse myself in Black culture.
I have always naturally been drawn to Black culture but have felt I have had to withhold parts of myself when in predominantly White situations, whereas I don’t feel this to the same extent when I am with predominantly Black friends and family. However, as time has gone on and I am more comfortable having both Black and White heritage, I am starting to feel more comfortable (and proud) with all aspects of my culture and personality.
I work in healthcare and I rarely see people of colour in senior positions. In the media, I often find mixed-race people are marketed as the race they look most like which, with the Black/White mix, is usually Black. For example, President Obama was marketed as the first Black President instead of the first mixed-race President. Bob Marley, Booker T Washington, Mel B, Halle Berry, Alicia Keys...the list goes on. I believe it is so important for mixed-race people to see other mixed-race people marketed as the mixes they are and not being trapped in one box. This would enable people to also feel they do not have to 'pick a side' and it is okay to identify as 'mixed-race'. Had I seen people in the media openly marketed as mixed-race when I was growing up, I believe it would have been easier for me to understand my own identity.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would still be me but with all the answers surrounding my ethnicity and my birth family. I think adoption can be a wonderful thing but more support needs to be available for interracial adoption. Growing up, I disagreed with this as I felt strongly that love was enough but now, looking back, I don’t feel my parents were aware of the challenges mixed-race people can face around their identity and belonging. I think any issues I had around my background were viewed as a normal reaction to being adopted but without any acknowledgement of a race element. I think this was also reflective of the time I was adopted and hopefully the support is in place now. More could have been done in the home to expose me to Black culture and more support could have been given to my parents from the adoption agency.
The pandemic was definitely challenging at the beginning and I still have moments where I think, 'what was that?!' when thinking about 2020 but am glad things are starting to slowly open up.