English~Indo-Guyanese
I am mixed-race, but often find it difficult to explain my heritage when asked. My Mum is from Guyana, a country that is situated in the north of mainland South America but is culturally Caribbean. However, she is ethnically Indian, making me half English and half Indo-Guyanese. There is a large Indian population in Guyana, as there are African and Chinese populations. This is because after the abolition of slavery, Britain sourced workers from India and China, often coercively and under terrible conditions, to become indentured labourers and carry out the work that slaves previously had in the West Indies.
I find myself having to repeat this history lesson almost without fail to explain my ethnicity and heritage, as indentured labour and servitude are hardly ever taught in British schools or spoken about in British culture. This leads to a misconception that the only substantial ethnic groups in the Caribbean are people with African heritage, White people, people indigenous to the regions, or people with a mix of these heritages.
The two of them met at work, while my Mum was still with her first husband. After she spent a while in New York, and subsequently got divorced, they started to go out together. I think the cultural and racial differences were difficult to surpass, and still are, as they have such vastly different experiences and frame these in such different ways. It's sometimes been difficult to situate myself in between that, as when I was younger I definitely felt my Dad's perspective was more understandable and logical, probably because I had been raised in Britain with similar values, but now I've learnt to understand the role of emotional and a personal perspective in conversations about race, culture, and history in a way that's allowed me to listen to and empathise much more closely with my Mum.
I think that I grew up in quite a typically British household, but with a much wider range of foods and conversations about culture. This made it hard for me to identify closely with being Guyanese or Indian, apart from knowing and cooking some Caribbean cuisine. When I was around 12 or 13, I developed a much stronger interest in my family history, which made me feel much closer to my Caribbean cultural heritage, especially by listening to family stories and experiences, but I think also it is hard for me to 'own' the culture without feeling like I'm masquerading as something that I'm actually not.
I don't think that cultures significantly affect how I choose a partner, but I think that culture and upbringing does have a deep developmental and psychological influence that has undoubtedly shaped some of those decisions. For example, culture can strongly influence perceptions of gender and sexuality, although of course culture is not the determining factor in those attitudes, I would struggle to be with someone who thought those facts about me should confine myself and my actions within a particular set of norms. I think that today, interracial relationships are more accepted in British culture. However, it differs between communities and regions, and I understand that I'm fortunate to not feel like it is an obstacle.
I know that my parents were very conscious their interracial relationship would be a difficulty, as were my Mother's parents in terms of having a marriage which crossed religious boundaries. They both faced discrimination and prejudice because of this, and my parents were worried about us facing prejudice as mixed-race children. This has likely influenced our upbringing and our perceptions of ourselves as quite British, which is valuable in that we can assimilate easily but quite difficult in joining up perceptions of you with how you actually feel about your own racial identity. For example, my Mum wanted to call me Aleiya, but because that's a typically Muslim and south Asian name my Dad would not support it and I was called Ella instead. I don't think it was an attempt to hide that culture and background out of shame or prejudice, but rather a worry that I would be worse off for having it so openly displayed and would be better off 'passing'.
I have really enjoyed and valued exploring my racial and cultural identity, but it has also been quite difficult in figuring out my own sense of self. I have been incredibly fortunate not to face much discrimination, and to feel confident enough now to correct other's prejudices and to openly discuss my own experiences and identity.
When I was twelve, we travelled to Guyana with all of my Mother's family. It was such a momentous experience, and unlike any trip we'd ever taken before. To see places spoken about in stories and put a place to a name made my Mum's upbringing there feel so much more real and closer to home, but also feeling quite disconnected to the culture there and unequivocally viewed as a tourist made it feel so much further away from my own sense of self.
I think that I have learnt to accept and explore all sides of my identity as I've grown older. I paid little attention to my racial and cultural identity when I was younger but looking back I realise that many of my experiences were only really understandable in that light, and to reflect upon it and embrace it is essential to developing and understanding my habits, beliefs, and values.
I do feel that the university tries to be considerate of different genders, cultures, and sexualities, but less so when it requires substantial change and material costs on their part. Often the action taken feels gratuitous and like an attempt to appear supportive, without actually having to shoulder the financial and practical burden of supporting students and applicants of all racial and cultural backgrounds.
It's been difficult to manage my wellbeing during the Coronavirus pandemic, but I'm very grateful for my physical health and for being in a household that is financially stable enough to endure the pressures of lockdown and the economic downturn that have threatened so many people's livelihoods and lives. As a mixed-race person of half Indian and half White descent, I feel like my role in the global protest for racial equality is to make space for other voices to speak about their experiences of systemic racial injustice and discrimination. It feels particularly important right now to recognise the diversity of experiences within the catch-all terms, and not to take up space in a conversation or movement that is centrally about Black lives, when I am privileged not to have faced many of the injustices and societal devaluation that others have been subject to. This means I've made a significant effort to support the Black Lives Matter movement with my money, time, and any platforms that I have access to (like Untangling the Knot), whilst ensuring that I don't derail the conversation to be about my experiences and emotions.
I do feel that @cambridgeuniversity tries to be considerate of all races, genders, cultures, and sexualities, but less so when it requires substantial change and material costs on the University’s part. Often the action taken feels gratuitous and like an attempt to appear supportive, without actually having to shoulder the financial and practical burden of supporting students and applicants of all racial and cultural backgrounds.