English | Indian
I identify as mixed-race; Indian and English. I feel and view myself as both Indian and English and enjoy how both cultures intersect; for a long time, I described myself as half Indian and half English but found that it created a kind of disconnect between my cultures. I’m super proud of my heritage, origins and the stories that have meant my family are where and who they are today.
My Mum grew up in Lincolnshire, England, and my Papa in Ajner (rural Punjab), India but he emigrated to Australia in 1981. After meeting in the UK at university, my parents moved to Australia together before moving back to the UK just before I was born. My Dad comes from a large family and grew up in small village in rural Punjab. All our immediate family live in India, some still in the village, I've been several times and have many fond memories of visiting my family, the smells and food of India and the beautiful countryside near where my family live. My Mum comes from a small, working-class family and grew up in Lincolnshire, UK. I love how my parents families vary and that I get to experience both!
My parents met when they were both studying and working in the same university department. My dad was on sabbatical from Australia to study for a PhD and Mum was finishing her PhD studies and beginning a research position in the department. They speak quite openly about the struggles when they started their relationship and how their cultures integrated, both my parents are very in-touch, open-minded people and I really admire how they’re still open to learning and questioning about each other’s cultures. The first time they both went out to India, my Papa's Mother had died three days previously; my Mum was told not to touch my Papaji as he would be grieving and out of respect you should avoid physical touch, but as soon as they met, he held my Mother’s hand and gave her a big hug. I think this beautiful human interaction told me a lot about my family and their openness, kindness and generosity and I think gave my Mother a feeling of grounding in what seemed to be quite a difficult and overwhelming time.
One of the challenges of being a mixed-race family is the language barrier, I think my Father struggled with the pressure of constantly translating and switching languages particularly after long-periods of time away from family and just wanting to catch-up and my Mother was keen to integrate as best she could given the fact she didn’t speak Punjabi, so I think that’s always a bit of a sticky point for both my parents and integrating families.
My parents had an English and Indian wedding, my Mother’s parents went out to India, for their wedding and whilst it was a culture shock for them, they really embraced my Father’s culture and threw themselves into life in India.
I’m always fascinated by the strength my parents have, regardless of struggles; my Father was due to have an arranged marriage and met someone (previous to my Mother), navigating meeting someone who was not Asian and explaining that he did not want to follow tradition was a huge undertaking and then emigrating to Australia and setting up a life there. I’m hugely inspired by his drive and determination to follow and seek things that he wants in life. It's always fascinating to hear my parent’s experiences in all the countries they’ve lived in; my parents worked in the outback in Australia and it’s always so lovely to hear how my Dad was welcomed into the aborigine communities as a Brown person and interesting and horrifying to learn about the colonial history of Australia and the impact it’s had on aborigine people and their lives.
I'm probably closer with my Mother's Western culture due to growing up in England and further compounded by living in the Southwest. However, my Indian culture was always celebrated at home; food and music are both things that have really allowed me to connect with my heritage. My parents were always very good at taking my sister and I to events that celebrated Indian/Sikh culture in our area, we'd always do something at Diwali and both my parents taught us to cook Indian food and most importantly good chai! We ate predominantly Indian food at home, and I lived of roti, yoghurt, and mint chutney as a child!
When I was around 18 months old, we visited India and I had a Naam Karan (naming ceremony), for me, my name is an important connector to my Indian heritage. Music too, is another connector to both my cultures, I’m a musician and enjoy exploring genres and crossing genres. I grew up listening to a huge range of music, from Aboriginal folk, Indian classical music, Scottish trad, jazz, hip-hop and Western classical music. Over the past few years, I have been exploring integrating western classical traditions with Indian classical music and writing poetry about my experiences growing up as mixed-race, whilst it’s been a cathartic process, I’ve also enjoyed sharing with others, improvising and exploring sound-worlds that speak to all cultures.
My sister and I have always been very lucky that our parents integrated both cultures into our upbringing, I think growing up in the UK we naturally lean to Western influences, but family life consists of a big mix of cultures and tradition.
I think growing up as a mixed person was a huge learning curve for me in both positive and challenging ways. I love that home is Devon, it's such a beautiful place and I feel very connected to the environment, having access to the sea and Dartmoor was important, particularly as it offered a place of grounding. Whilst it was great to be in a beautiful part of the world, I think being in a minority group in the area we lived in meant we faced a lot of challenges as a family.
As a young child, I remember being unable to grasp why people stared and treated us differently when we were out, school was an interesting place to be, often parents would be hesitant to allow their child to visit our home. As a I child, I was able to observe and pick up on strange body language and tone but unable to grasp why but as I grew up realised that perhaps there was a bit more to it.
My Father was often the victim of racial abuse and walking around as a family I never felt safe and often felt quite protective and frustrated as a young person. Around the age of 7 our house became a target of racial abuse, and it became unsafe for us to stay living there, we relocated but the process and trauma from that experience had a huge knock-on effect on the confidence of both my parents and my sister and I, who were both still learning and figuring out our experiences and sense of belonging as mixed-race people. Various experiences of racial abuse, confusion and isolation as a young person meant that I felt quite detached and somewhat ashamed of my heritage.
It took a lot of unlearning, re-learning, and conversations to get to a place where I could start connecting with my heritage properly again. I moved to Manchester in 2017 and being in a place that was much more diverse allowed me to feel safe and proud again. Now I want to delve, learn, and immerse myself in all aspects of my Indian and Sikh heritage. There are still moments of apprehension and worry about how I may be perceived but I am mostly excited and for the first time I’m meeting other mixed-race people, something I hadn’t experienced growing up, exchanging experiences, learning, and celebrating and immersing myself in as many aspects of my cultures as I can.
Being in the music world, particularly ‘Western classical’ music can sometimes feel culturally isolating, I’m often in predominantly White spaces and sometimes predominantly White and male spaces, bringing up conversations surrounding race and identity in these spaces is sometimes tricky. I feel it’s important to discuss and I keep an open-mind when opening up these conversations, I definitely feel that whilst it’s challenging to have these conversations about my experience as a mixed person; it’s really helpful in gauging how to move forward within the music-world.
Recently amazing conversations have been opened up in this sector and it’s really exciting to feel enabled to question systemic issues within the industry.
Being a mixed person, I think it can feel that you’re between two (or more) cultures and it’s difficult to find a sense of belonging. I think for me, that’s one of the personal challenges. I’m often quizzed by people on the origins of my name and the question ‘where are you from’ is a frequent occurrence. I think it would be an easy thing to answer if it were based on where you grew up but often the question is enriched with questions about ‘origin’. One of the labels that sticks in my head is ‘half-caste’; I’ve been called this several times and never really know how to respond, the raw emotion tends to be hurt, shock and frustration.
Being perceived as White, I am ‘White-passing’ means that I am often not recognised as Indian in both Asian spaces and English spaces, it feels quite frustrating to have to prove yourself. I am proud and pleased to share my cultures but being extensively questioned and still met with disbelief is challenging and makes it difficult to feel accepted, however I am also aware of the privileges I have as a visually ‘White-passing’ person. I am hugely grateful to my sister, both of us have similar experiences and discussing this together and with our family has been helpful in breaking down pre-conceived notions of race and identity. Finding a community of mixed people has allowed me to feel accepted and valid and creating art and connection where I can express my experiences, feelings and explore cultures has been incredibly fulfilling.
I would say to immerse yourself in as many aspects of your cultures as you can and question others and yourself. think how you think and feel can change day to day, the more you learn and not to feel guilty to be still learning, I think part of being mixed is that we are transient, explorative beings, enjoy that if you can!
I used to feel ashamed of my name and wished I had a Western name, both because people would struggle to pronounce it but also because new interactions would often result in questioning and not always when I felt able to deal with. Now I feel more resilient and strong responding to questioning. The English meaning of my name is harmony and explaining this paired with being a musician, feels like a nice coming together of various aspects of my identity.
I think my Father is a huge role model to me; he can be stoic, neutral, and loving and able to view things from other’s perspectives even at points where people have behaved in challenging ways towards him. I think the Sikh beliefs of being selfless, generous and the concept of Karma are things that I try to apply in the way I live and take from my Father and his religious beliefs.
I’m always excited to learn about other cultures. For me, meeting other mixed people has been hugely affirming, exciting and interesting and I always admire the way people speak of their cultures intersecting, experiences and perspectives because of mixed heritage. I’ve admired a lot of Buddhist teachings. There are similarities between Buddhism and Sikhism; the practise of meditation, respect of nature, moral and ethical living and cultivating inner peace and harmony. I celebrate Diwali and Vaisakhi, although in small ways, it’s nice to celebrate a little! I have always worn a Kara and carry a Kanga with me, both reminders of my heritage and also enjoy Punjabi cuisine…lots of roti and dhal!
There are tonnes of artists from all walks of life, and I feel incredibly lucky to be in an industry that promotes expression, creativity and connection. Whilst representation is improving in the music sector there’s a lot of room for further improvement in terms of cultures, diverse workforces, education and awareness and representation in terms of the art that we promote. I have had some jarring experiences as a mixed-race person in terms of questioning, disbelief, respect and recognition. I am aware of how I present and paired with my name often leads to confusion and questioning of my background; when personal crosses with professional, as it often does as an artist it can lead to needing to navigate challenging dynamics and I don’t always feel prepared and ready to challenge perspectives especially where workplace/educational hierarchy is involved. I think being ‘White-passing’ sometimes means that whilst people are quite curious about it, it can mean that conversations are not always approached with sensitivity, respect and open-earedness that they might if I looked more stereotypically ‘mixed-race’ and therefore it can often feel that what I say is not acknowledged and does not carry weight and significance, regardless of the importance. Finding the space to approach discrimination and representation is important and there are loads of exciting organisations in the music-world that are enabling people from minority backgrounds to speak about experiences and ways in which to move forward and as the conversations are broadening and spreading it is definitely becoming easier to feel recognised and heard as a mixed-race musician, so I’m excited to see where the next few years will take us!