English | Indian
I'm a postdoctoral researcher at Imperial College London. Being a woman in academic science with children isn't easy as you often have to make large sacrifices either with respect to your career or your family time. Coupling that with the fact that you're a minority really does not help with career progression. I have not met with any outward discrimination throughout my career and I have found that the longer I have been in science the more people I see from diverse backgrounds coming through, which is definitely a positive thing. However, making it to the top positions in these institutions remains to be seen.
My sister and I were brought up more with our Indian culture than our English simply because most of our Indian family was here in London and lived close to where we lived. I think it's also fair to say that first generation immigrants tend to maintain very close family ties with each other. Growing up we spent most of our time at our Indian Gran's house playing with our cousins, going to large Indian weddings (wearing traditional outfits) and eating Indian food. We would celebrate all our religious festivals with our family, dress up and go from house to house and eat lots of food. These are things we continue doing to this day. As much as we spent a lot of time with our Indian family, we did spend time with my Mum's family, especially her sister. Because of this, we still have so many fond memories of a traditional Christmas. We'd go to my aunt's house and help her put up her Christmas tree and decorations. We loved it and because of those times, we still have a family Christmas dinner. I have visited India many times and have travelled reasonably extensively around the country. India itself is a huge melting pot of cultures.
Both of my parents were welcomed by each of their respective in-laws so that helped to form a close bond with members of the different race. My Mum converted to Islam too, which meant that she often relied on my Dad’s family for help. My Mum’s family were very supportive of her decisions.
Living in London it’s something that you see all the time; people of different races having a relationship. This wasn’t very common with my parents and certainly not with my Grandparents’ generations. It is a lot more accepted nowadays. My culture definitely doesn’t have an effect but my religion does because I wanted a Muslim husband. It didn’t matter to me though what colour/culture he was/came from. I think I have had the best of both worlds, culture-wise. I have always loved being mixed-race and I think I will always love being mixed-race. My son is even more of a mix and long may it continue to future generations!!
Generally, I find it easiest to talk to other mixed-race people about identity because they tend to understand your point of view, even if they're not from the same ethnic background as you. I have found that talking to either Indian or English people about identity gets almost nowhere as they're often entrenched in their own identity and can find it hard seeing it from another point of view. Being a mixed-race person from two very different cultures can be difficult as you often straddle both worlds and don't entirely fit into either. Growing up this can be difficult but as I've got older, I've found that I can take the positives from each side without thinking too much about which side I belong to. So I would say that in general my sister is the only person I can comfortably talk to about my identity as she's probably the only one who understands.
My role model is definitely my maternal Grandfather, who was English. Unfortunately, I never met him but from what people have told me about him, he was an exceptional man. He was quite a bit older than his wife but she died suddenly when she was in her 30s, leaving him a widower with 4 children. As well as working, he looked after all his children, single handedly. At the time when my parents met, mixed marriages weren't common. As well as marrying an Indian man, my Mum wanted to change her religion. My Mum told me she was nervous about telling her Dad about the man she wanted to marry as she didn't know what his reaction would be. In the end the only thing my Grandad said to my Mum when she told him was that colour/religion didn't matter and the most important thing was that my Dad loved her and was good to her. For a man born in 1900, I find this inspiring. He embodies everything I think a decent person should be; caring, compassionate, hardworking, unbiased and loving.
I feel emotional about things but I don't often cry. The last time I cried was probably about 6 months ago and it was something I read in a book about a man with mental health issues who killed himself and his Father found his body (all fictional) but it was really well written and it hit a nerve. A good friend of mine committed suicide about 10 years ago and I often think about him. It came as a massive shock when I heard about his suicide as I had not long seen him and he had hid his mental health issues from all of his friends for years. I was absolutely devastated and I kept asking myself why I hadn’t realised he was suffering or why had he not come to speak to me. But of course it's not as simple as all that.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would want to return exactly the same as I am. I have lived a very blessed life filled with love and laughter.