English | Grenadian
I am a person of the human race, humanist & straight. My Dad came from Grenada in 1969 and my Mum is English, from London. They met in West London and in the early 1970s. There are similarities as well as differences between West Indian and British culture. The West Indies is a former British colony so they speak English and had a royal family, they had institutions like the Church of England. So all of these factors meant that they had cultural similarities; they had access to things like the BBC World Service radio. So it wasn’t like they were coming here and being dropped into a completely alien environment. There were lots of cultural issues which were very similar. I can see that my Dad had a confidence which perhaps I don't always see from Black people, especially second generation. He says ‘Black people run things in the West Indies’, that gives them a level of confidence that we don’t get here. When he came here he didn't have any clue why he couldn’t do this or that.
Mum and Dad and moved out of London quite early on to Northampton, which at that time was a new town built by the Labour party. My Nan and Grandad moved down as well as the rest of my Mum's family. My Dad left his family behind and moved to Northampton and in many ways he threw himself into the British way of life; inclusive of food. When my parents separated my Dad brought us up. I have two brothers and two half-sisters. It was only when my Dad started cooking that I got an introduction into West Indian culture, which he seemed to suppress. I think he just threw himself into the English/British way of life.
Race is a political construct, a pseudoscientific construct. It was constructed by Europeans to justify why they were initially enslaving and then colonising vast parts of the world, on what grounds they were able to do it. It was built up as any many cultures have done; the Roman’s did it, as did the Greeks. This was the basis of racism; this concept of races. But actually if you listen to scientists you will know there is one race, the human race. When I was younger I would call myself half-cast and then there was a period where that became politically incorrect. The label of caste came from the British Raj Empire, if you were labelled half-caste you were seen as two different castes and that wasn’t a good thing. So that label stopped and we became labelled as mixed-race. I remember having a discussion with a person called Linda Bellos who moved to Norfolk, we had a discussion over identity, at this point I was identifying myself as mixed-race. She rejects the term as this again is based on the colour of your skin. I then moved away from the identity, mixed-race and now identify as mixed heritage, because it's about two different heritages; British & African/West Indian. That’s now how I describe myself.
My Grandad was a socialist, he fought in the war. I've only ever known my Grandparents love for me. I’ve never got to meet my West Indian Grandparents. When my Nan and Grandad began to get older they started to get slight mental health issues with senility. They started to make comments which made me question if they always had felt that way. I saw it for what it was, if we had all of our deep subconscious views and prejudices picked apart then we would wonder if that was what they were feeling all along. But then again this is what happens when we get dementia. That’s not the people that they were. I did however find out that when my parents first got together there was some hesitation from my Grandparents. But to their credit this was something that they got passed, they welcomed my Dad into the family. I remember towards the end my Nan and my Grandad despite being Socialists did make comments about things like immigration, but then they were being bombarded by newspapers and television programmes about rising immigration. They were also looking at this ever-changing world around them. Overall however I do remember that my family was very supportive.
I do think my culture has had an effect on how I have chosen my partner. Malcolm X’s biography by Alex Haylee talks at length about Black peoples self-loathing. The fact that you're told are you're worthless, you’re not the same, you’re unequal, you’re dopey, you’re cunning. If you can’t love yourself then how can you love another Black person? This is why many Black men wanted then to have a White wife. Has that affected me? I think the concept of beauty has been influenced. I grew up in a British society, which was White dominated. I have had relationships with Black women, but more so with White woman. I also have a White Mother who I consider beautiful.
I don’t think I would have gone to university and doing what I did without my Dad being around, and not having a mixed culture. My family is from a working-class background, on my British side. All of my cousins went straight into work after sixth form. They were pressured to get into a real job and regular wage. My Dads family prized education, if it was available then you took it. It was a way of bettering yourself. If you come from a background where reading and writing was a forbidden knowledge, and something to be craved then if the opportunity came for you to open doors you took it. If you were impoverished or a slave then reading or writing was a way out. After slavery poverty hadn’t ended, there were massive issues in the lack of opportunity. Reading meant you could move up and the world became available to you. This was in-built in a large number of Black people, especially those who came over here. I was given a drive over the kids who I grew up with in the council estate, they never understood why I studied so hard. I realised this cultural divide was developing. People were also intrigued in my background. Nine times out of ten this was positive. Scientists will tell you the wider the range of genes that mix together, the stronger the outcome. I think a varied genetic heritage is beneficial. I know there has been some research on people of mixed heritage who are more able to think outside of the box. An example of this is Barack Obama. I have a rich history and am able to look at both sides.
Negative experiences will always jump out at you more than positives, as these are the things that will jar you. I experienced racism in the army cadets, ‘there ain’t no Black in the Union Jack’. When I was a kid there was bullying that took place. In the workplace I have had issues with institutional racism & unconscious bias. I spoke at a lecture headed up by Claudia Jones, a Communist who started the Notting Hill Carnival & the first Black newspaper in the UK. I spoke about my experiences working at the BBC; 95% of the time I was there it was extremely positive, it’s that 5% where I experienced racism. The insidious nature of institutional racism is that it makes you question yourself. When opportunities didn’t go your way you did question if it was because you were not good enough, or if there was a barrier. Some of my colleagues are hurt and upset that I say that I experienced racism in the BBC, especially managers. But what they do need to understand is that I’m not saying that they intentionally said that because I’m Black I will not have access to certain opportunities, but there was an instance where the colour of my skin did play a part in their decision making. I once questioned why I couldn’t present, I was told I wasn’t what the viewers were looking for.
There are some MPs here who have a different attitude towards me as a Black socialist. I can think of some MPs who treat non-White MPs differently. You get a sort of sixth sense for those types of things. I remember when Dawn Butler was questioned by another MP in Parliament for using a members only lift, she was mistaken for a cleaner. I’ve never experienced that but I can believe it happened, the number of times I am picked out to show my security pass against those who are White is surprising. They are doing their jobs but you do wonder if there is a level of profiling involved. In many ways I are extremely privileged, I am a member and am treated very well by the vast majority of staff. You may not treat me the same way if I was a constituent. In that way you are in a protective bubble. I think the media is quick to jump, they have used my heritage to paint a negative picture of me in the past.
I connect to my cultures partially through music, but also through history. I went through my Black political phase/realisation in my teens, through hip-hop. Artists like Public Enemy taught me about my lost history and culture. There wasn’t really an equivalent of it in the UK, history in UK schools is very one sided. This was the first time I heard about Malcom X, Panthers etc. I would then go away and read about them.
I went with my Dad and two brothers back in 2003 to Grenada. There are lots of shades of Black in the West Indies, I fit in quite easily. I also saw a sense of pride from my Dad when he said, ‘Black people run this country’. Going there was fantastic, I was able to meet my West Indian family and see their way of life. However there is this notion that when you are mixed culture then you will never completely fit in. But then having both cultures has enriched my outlook and I wouldn’t change it.
There was a time that I didn’t see myself as Black, I saw myself as a kid. As kids in lower school I remember that we used to have this game where it was Blacks versus Whites, I was always put in the Black side. That is my first memory of identifying that I was not White. Also reading about Malcom X made me feel very angry about what happened to Black people. I can see how at a young age people can be groomed because of this anger. A lot of people around me were White so I wasn’t able to express it to others. There’s also a lack of awareness and lack of knowledge of what happened.
I think there is still a lot of work to do but changes are happening. It’s not just about getting people of colour into positions of power within Parliament, we need to get the right people into the right places. We also need to also look at class as well as race. The vast majority of Black people are working-class. Socially and economically they are most likely to be unemployed and to suffer mental health issues.
If I had the opportunity to come back again I would like to come back as a woman and see how my experiences would change based on that.