English | English/Guyanese
I identify as mixed-race; White and Black Caribbean, and heterosexual. My Mum was born and raised in the North-East of England in Newcastle. My Dad was born in Guyana, the only English-speaking country in South America, to a White British Father and a Guyanese Mother. I unfortunately never met my Grandma, but I’ve heard so many incredible things about her, she sounded like an amazing woman. My Dad moved around as he grew up (his Dad’s job required it), so he moved to places like Rome, etc, until eventually they settled just outside of London. My parents actually met at work in their 20’s working for an IT company.
I don’t think there was ever a problem with the combining of cultures between my parents. My Dad always had a British passport but when him and his family settled in England, my Grandma was one of the only Black women in the village where they moved to. I remember a story they used to tell me about the pub in that village, where my Grandfather overheard a local man saying that ‘the Blacks were moving in’. Apparently, my Grandmother was a great cook and loved cooking South American inspired dishes which my Dad and his brother loved; things like pepper pot and jerk chicken. My Mum said she never thought about the fact that my Dad might have been perceived differently in the North East due to his skin colour and thankfully nobody in my Northern family batted an eyelid when they got together. I think because my Father moved around so much when he was younger, much like me, maybe he never fully connected to his Guyanese heritage either.
I think there is a notable difference regarding interracial relationships these days. I think I have always been conscious about the fact that I am in an interracial relationship. My boyfriend is White, but because I’m fairly ‘White-passing’ it’s never really affected me personally. I have been exoticized by men before; often hearing the term ‘light skin’ or ‘exotic’, which on reflection make me feel like these people were looking at me through a glass case in a museum. In my Grandparents’ time, on my Father’s side, it was a lot more difficult. My Grandfather was very White, and my Grandmother was very dark. I always get told this story of when they went on a world cruise in 1964. When the cruise ship stopped off at South Africa, the captain of the ship personally warned them that they shouldn’t get off the boat, as they may be assaulted, attacked or worse. Just because they were an interracial couple. I see a lot of exoticism around interracial couples these days too, particularly in adverts and music videos. I feel so much anger towards the blatant racist attacks that Meghan Markle, for example, receives from the press and public figures just because she is mixed-race and has married into the Monarchy. I really feel for her because we are of similar colour and lineage, and I can’t help but think that maybe people have thought of me that way before.
Growing up in Spain and moving around really opened my eyes to all the different kinds of people that exist in the world. However, even though I grew up in Spain, we originally moved there for my parent’s work. I wouldn’t say it was a culture I ‘own’, but I do deeply identify with. Moving to England when I was 10 years old came as a shock to the system because the culture was so different. The people, mannerisms and attitudes seemed so different to me back then. I would never be prejudiced in choosing a partner according to their culture though. I couldn’t even fathom thinking that it would make a difference when it came to who I love.
I’ve had lots of positive experiences being mixed-race. I like engaging in conversation with people about my heritage and then it often sparks further conversation into other people’s heritage, which I think are always important conversations to have, especially in this multicultural society that we have in the UK. I feel really privileged to be mixed-race in this post-Brexit era, it really opens my eyes to the struggles of other POC in the UK and around the world.
When I was around 16 years old I got told to ‘go back to my own country’ by a boy on the school bus. This was completely unprovoked, and I just stared at him, square in the face and replied ‘well, this is my country’. Or when I was very little, someone at school asked me, ‘how can that be your Mum when she’s White?’. I don’t feel scarred by these events though, because I acknowledge it was a long time ago and it hasn’t happened since. Other people get it much, much worse and I completely acknowledge how privileged I am. Growing up I have been able to fit into spaces very easily with usually no comments. The only comments I get throughout my life, which I become conscious of, are about my hair. I used to hide it a lot when I was younger to avoid the questions and the touching of it. I am a lot better at wearing my natural hair now though. I’ve never really spent much time in Black spaces, which I regret. I am very conscious of what people might think of me in certain spaces, due to my mixed identity. I notice when I am in a very White space, but I also notice when I’m in a very Black space. The ironic thing is though, I think most of the time it’s only me thinking about how I must stick out. I don’t think anyone else really thinks about it!
I think my biggest connection with Guyana is the food. My Dad is an excellent cook and his fusion of seasoning and flavours is always evident in everything he cooks. I know his Mum was an excellent cook; I think this is where he’s got it from. As for things like language, it’s always been English. My parents are British, and Guyana is English-speaking. I speak Spanish fluently due to having lived in Spain, and even though this isn’t connecting with my familial culture, it helps me connect with the wider world and I feel privileged to be bilingual. I’m hoping I can apply for a Dutch passport soon too as I was born there.
I’ve never been to Guyana but it’s a priority for me to go when I feel brave enough. I’ve never been a very brave traveller; despite the fact I’ve lived in three different countries. I’ve actually never been outside of Europe. But when I can afford it I would love to go travelling.
I think my connection to my identity has changed as I’ve gotten older. When I was younger I never thought twice about the fact that I’m mixed. I never questioned it because I lived in a country where I didn’t actually have any familial connection to. When I moved to the UK however and I became a teenager I started seeing how exoticized mixed-race people, of any mix, are. I just thought of myself as British, I’d always had a British passport, and then someone at University asked me if I saw myself as Black and I honestly couldn’t answer that, as I’d never thought about it. As I got older, people would often ask ‘where are you actually from?’, and that’s when I started questioning how people perceived me.
My most recent workplace was very inclusive, and I was never, ever made to feel different. Again, I am aware at how privileged I am because I am ‘White-passing’.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would return exactly as I am. I love being mixed. I’ve learnt to love my hair. I love having two different countries that I can learn about and identify with. I love being able to prompt wider discussions about identity and race with different people. With all the recent events that have happened in the UK, I think it is important to keep these discussions alive. We must never let prejudice win. I would definitely return as I am now.