Dutch | Moroccan
My Dad is from Morocco and my Mum is from The Netherlands. My Mum was in her teen years when she first met my Dad in a small club/pub in my hometown. They were both not the type of people that went out a lot, so it was extra special for them that they met each other that specific night. That was 30 years ago. They married 10 years later and are still married.
My Dad is a Muslim and my Mother is from a Christian household. My Mum moved in with my Dad at a young age but never had to convert to the Islam. She stopped eating pork and participates in the fast during Ramadan to support my Dad. She however doesn’t consider herself a Muslim and so she does not pray or wears a hijab etc.
My Dad moved to The Netherlands when he was a child and went to school there so he learned everything about the Dutch culture later on in his childhood. Therefore I was raised similar to most of my Dutch peers. Every now and again I would get to see the other side of my heritage through family gatherings or stories from my parents.
My parents visited Tangier, my Dad's hometown, a lot when they were younger and at one point they took me and my sister there a few times. This was mostly just for the summer holiday and we would take a few days to spend time with the family that still lives there. The last time I went there was the summer before the pandemic and I really wanted to make sure I would get to see all the culture that I maybe didn’t really take in as a kid. It blew my mind how much of the city I hadn’t seen before and what a beautiful atmosphere there was. It was nostalgic and a complete new experience at the same time.
For some this will sound cliché but the moment that really changed my life was the time I finally accepted the fact that I was gay. I never really came out, because I didn’t want to make such a big deal out of it, but when I did come out to myself it felt freeing. I worked hard on accepting this new part of me even though I kept that for myself most of the time. But the moment I proudly could tell people about my sexuality, it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I finally had an answer to why I never felt like I could fit in and now it really felt like I could let go of other people's expectations. I am now feeling more and more comfortable in the way I present myself and even though I still have moments where I feel insecure about myself I will always try to embrace whatever is coming my way.
A year ago I came to the conclusion that I have always been insecure about the part of me that is Moroccan. I remember that as a kid I never felt like I was Moroccan enough to really be a part of that community. It wasn’t until recently that I started to embrace the parts of me that descend from my Moroccan heritage. Now I realize that the parts that I found weird or ugly are just pieces of my roots that I should be proud of.
I don’t think I have one single role model. I have always looked up to the strong women I see in my family and in the media and I know women will always keep on inspiring me. I hope the world is changing into a world where power lies in the hands of all types of people. I think everybody should feel represented by the people who lead our countries. We need to change the system that is not made for everyone and make it for everyone. And that will take a lot of time and effort but I believe this generation have powerful voices and will make this change happen.
There are some great Dutch / Moroccan actors, politicians, and artists that I find very inspiring. I hope they will keep on sending out a beautiful message to the younger people who look up to them. In my opinion there is still a lot of talent that didn’t get the chance to show the society what they're made of and I hope we all get the chance to do so. I wish for a future where we celebrate all the talent and beauty that we can find in all the different cultures in our society.
Growing up I noticed that people really enjoy pointing out all the features I have that are maybe not so common for them. I used to hear many comments about my eyebrows, my hair or my lashes and most of the time these were positive and I would just take it as a compliment but it always made me feel a bit like I was looking different then the people around me.
But when I got older I also began to realize the people around me who would have very strong opinions about immigrants. Even though I haven’t had extreme encounters with these people, hearing stories from my Dad or other family members that did had these encounters would always make me very upset and angry.
I am noticing that my view on my ethnic background is changing at the moment. I am only nineteen and I know that there is so much of my identity that I haven’t figured out yet and it’s just only now that I start to see how much of myself I owe to my Moroccan heritage. I am starting to be more proud of my background and the fact that I am a beautiful mix of two fascinating cultures.
We still celebrate all the holidays my Mum and Dad grew up with; from Christmas to Eid. Besides that I try to learn more about the history of my family and the countries they grew up in. I find it fascinating to learn about the experiences my family went through and how that also affected my life. This way I try to be more in touch with my cultures.
I think the pandemic gave me and probably a lot of other people the time and space to reflect on the time and age we live in now. I personally learned a lot about myself, especially the times when I was at home and it was just myself and my thoughts. I feel like it forced me to take a deeper look inside of myself.