Dominican | British/Irish/French/Ashkenazi Jew
I identify as mixed; half French half Dominican, American and female. My Mum was born and mainly grew up in the US to two parents from the Dominican Republic and my Dad was born in Canada to a French/Ashkenazi Jewish Father and a British/Irish Mother and grew up in France.
My Dad speaks Spanish pretty fluently, so he and my Mum can communicate in Spanish, and he has learned to cook Dominican food such as rice and beans, plantain and yuca. My Mum can’t speak French but can understand us very well and has accompanied us on our trips to France, where she likes to learn about French culture and food, and took me to my French classes as a child. I think the cultures were combined pretty well, and that my parents have an appreciation for the other’s culture.
When I was younger, I didn’t understand that I was mixed, so I didn’t know how to answer people’s questions or comments. I knew that I was French, and that my Mum spoke Spanish, so people would assume I was French/Spanish because I didn’t know how to correct them. As I got older and understood my heritage, I would explain to people that I was French and Dominican but people would and still do brush aside my Dominican side because they don’t know much about it as the UK has very little Latin American influence/immigration. Because of that people would/will often not acknowledge my Dominican side and I still have many friends who probably do not know that I am half Dominican, and will only acknowledge my French side. Sometimes people would question me and ask if I am Latina, why am I not Black, or Mexican? This really hurt and eventually I stopped telling people about my identity because I didn’t want them to try to erase it or minimise it. I think because I didn’t have any Latin American/mixed Latin American role models I thought I was alone and strange and I had no one guiding me or telling me how to react to people making funny comments or diminishing my identity. I felt very alone so I just hid myself to blend in.
I love the Mixed Up podcast by Nicole Ocran and Emma Slade Edmondson and I listen very frequently. I love the space that they have created for mixed people and mixed conversations and I’d love to create something like it in future to support young mixed people in feeling valid and supported, because often when you are mixed you can feel alone.
I think the positive of being mixed is that I can relate to many different people. I can make connections with French people, as there are many French people in London. I can also relate to African or other Caribbean people through the food, which is somewhat similar, and other Latin American people (although in the UK I do not encounter Latin Americans very often). But I also face a lot of questioning about my identity constantly, from other people but especially myself. I think it is a common thing for mixed people to not feel valid enough for either side of their family, not French enough, not Dominican enough. Sometimes I feel ashamed of my identity and very often I just want to be wholly from one place, because I imagine it to be so much easier. I also think coming to the UK from the US also complicates things because I also don’t feel British, because of Brexit I don’t feel very welcomed. I do feel very at home in London, though!
I have visited France many times to see my French family and I always improve my French and learn about French culture and history when I do as my family enjoy visiting different historical sites. I have never been to the Dominican Republic, but my Mum is hoping we can go this year. I am hoping that I will learn some Spanish, and more about Dominican history, culture and food as I do not know very much about it, having grown up far away from my Mum’s family. I speak French with my Dad and understand Spanish, and watch French TV quite frequently. I don’t eat a lot of French food at home but I eat Dominican food quite frequently, or other Latin American food (Cuban/Mexican) and love to learn more about the country’s history. I would love to visit Canada, Ukraine and Ireland when I am older to see other parts of the world I am connected to.
When I was younger I was very ashamed of being mixed, I thought I was strange and something to be quiet about, especially as I went to a very White British school, where I did not feel that my identity was celebrated. People would comment on my French side, and make me feel good about that part of me, so naturally I felt as though the French side was the ‘good side’ of myself, but people would ignore my other side, so I came to the conclusion that this was the ‘shameful side’. My whole identity was built from what others thought of me. However as I have gotten older, I have realised that my identity is very much internal, and it’s not something that should be impacted by ignorant stereotypes or other’s opinions. My ethnicity and identity are what I say they are, no matter what others have to say about it. I have started to share more about both sides of my culture with my friends, and to feel more comfortable in myself.
I feel that I have always found French people in the media and in school in the UK, and many half French people like myself, however I have never seen any Latin American people in any media in the UK, probably because there are very few people of Latin descent here. People have a very limited understanding of what it means to be Latin American, so when I do occasionally see a sliver of representation (usually through Mexican food which I am not really connected to very much) it is often inaccurate or very stereotypical e.g. calling churros a ‘Latin American Classic’ when they are Spanish in origin. I wish there was more appreciation and representation of Latin American people in the UK as there is for other ethnic minorities and more understanding of our food, culture and our history, and that we all look different!