British | Thai
My parents met in Thailand. The story is a little blurry because they divorced when I was around 11 (the process took a couple of years) and it was acrimonious, so trips down memory lane weren't popular. My Dad left school when he was 16 and worked surveying local rubbish tips in Kent. He picked up skills which allowed him to get a job in the Middle East working on oil rigs, which I think he said was something like 6 months on/6 months off. He would spend his time off in Thailand. Not sure why, maybe it was popular in the 70s? It was pretty adventurous for a guy who was born and raised in Kent, doesn't speak other languages and in a lot of ways is very conservative. He loves it to this day. Anyway, he met my Mum on one of those trips.
I have a small family, and after my parents were divorced I spent a lot of time with my Nan. I have a sister too, she's 4 years younger. I never experienced any discrimination from them or my Dad. My Mum however, was a very difficult person. My sister and I haven't spoken to her for around a decade now, and my Dad had no further contact after the divorce. As an adult I can see that my Mum had horrible mental health problems which affected her behaviour and the way she treated people and handled situations. When I was around 13, for example, she didn't speak to me for around a year. I still don't know what I did. One of the breaking points that made me decide to end contact was, we went to a restaurant in Angel around ten or eleven years ago. It was my Mum, my sister and me. My Mum was being mean, and had made my sister cry. She was very dismissive about my job (a job I still have to this day and am very proud of) and as we sat down at the table, she pointed out that a waiter was gay. It felt very pointed and uncomfortable. I was not 'out' at that time but my Mum could obviously tell, as when I was around 10 she asked me directly if I was 'gay'. Not in a kind way, but in an accusatory way. I said no. I wonder if this ever informed the way she treated me.
My Dad actually lives in Thailand now. He retired there a year ago, sold his house and possessions and lives in Hua Hin. I feel happy for him. We're not particularly close but as I've gotten older I understand him a bit better. He's not very communicative (similar to a lot of men of that generation). I appreciate how hard he worked to keep our house after he divorced my Mum, and raising two kids alone must have been hard. We never went without and I can see that was his way of expressing his love. I'm happy he's enjoying his retirement, he worked hard his whole life!
My housing situation has been a challenge the last couple years, I've moved around a lot. It's taught me a lot of lessons about what is important to feel safe and homely, and how few material things you actually need. It's a cliche of language, but it's true; home is where the heart is. I have been unseasonably happy lately so the last time I was moved to tears was watching Darren Aronofsky's new film 'The Whale' at the London Film Festival. Beautifully acted and very moving.
I grew up in Kent in the 90s and 00s. On some levels it has gotten better, and on some levels it has stayed the same (or gotten worse). Xenophobia and ignorance are still rife all over this country. I really minimised my dual heritage, I wanted to be 'British'. In Kent I was bullied for the colour of my skin, and having grown up in Kent I hated the 'where are you from?' question I would get so frequently. It's only more recently I have felt proud of my heritage. And in London, my chosen home, where I have lived for 14 years now, there is a lot of diversity. This makes me feel truly at home. In terms of my queerness, I code switch literally all of the time. Particularly in work settings or when meeting new people. I guess it makes my life easier and through old insecurities you never know when it's safe to be fully yourself. Things have gotten easier for the LGBTQ+ community on some levels but on a lot of levels a lot of improvement is needed. I feel even in sharing all of this I am 'outing' myself a bit.
I don't have a specific role model. A philosophical role model is the wisdom of the Tao Te Ching which I try to hold close and integrate into my life, even though I often fail. That's the way though! So I guess we can say Lao Tzu is my role model haha.
An old English teacher referred to me once as a dark horse. And a couple of years later, when I met my boss to discuss joining the company, he referred to me as a lone wolf. I like these animalistic expressions.
I feel blessed to be able to access different perspectives. With my queer identity, the question of marriage, kids etc and any 'traditional' life path has never been an option I saw for myself. Because that path was closed, it meant I was unable to blindly travel. I have had to choose my own path, and question roles, traditions and expectations. This comes naturally to me but I see for a lot of people it doesn't. I want to forge my own way that is right for me. Unfortunately it can often mean I lack role models, and I see a lot of people living in ways that I can accept would never work for me. But this is a kind of freedom I am grateful for. It also means the community and people I have taken as my 'chosen family' have a bond that is deep and beautiful. In terms of my racial identity, now I am more comfortable in my own skin. I see it as a wonderful history and side of myself to explore. I am lucky for that and I am happy I have reached this place, as it hasn't always been easy.
I work at a very small company and the rest of the team are White, as are most of the people we work with. We do work with a few POC artists and I really hope to work with more.
I have a bit of a patchwork culture honestly. Growing up in Kent, with my White British Dad and Nan, and then having no link to Thailand via my Mum, I've always felt a bit rootless. But through my work I have gotten to travel the world and have friends from all over, which I think has influenced who I am today.