British | Iranian
I identify as half British & half Iranian and Heterosexual. My Mum is Iranian and Dad is English. They met in London, one of Mum’s friends worked in the same building as my Dad but they met when Mum was late meeting a friend and he left work late. Her gave her a lift home despite them both always telling my sister and myself to never talk to strangers. At home, it always felt easy to my sister and myself when growing up. Maybe it was down to both of my parents having lived in different countries themselves first and then together in Kuwait. We also grew up as Baha’i’s, a religion that originates from Iran. I was more acutely aware of growing up Baha’i first before thinking of myself as mixed-race. So we had English, Persian and Baha’i culture growing up, a real melting pot of experiences.
I feel at times that I connect more to my Iranian side more than my English side. It may be more to do with the fact that a lot of my family left, had to leave or decided not to return to Iran, and we are now dispersed all across the globe. We try harder to keep in touch and therefore are more successful in keeping in touch. It’s not quite the same case with the English side of my family.
Although it is more acceptable, I still think that some parts of society still find it surprising to see interracial relationships. I’ve been asked many times if I have preferred one race over the other in relation to my heritage. Why that should even matter baffles me; I’m not always sure whether it is a reflection of our current political climate or just genuine interest. I guess being a product of different cultures means I am naturally drawn to different cultures myself. We had a loving upbringing and it has made me confident that my partner will be met with love, no matter who they are and where they are from. However, above all else, I am drawn to personalities over nationalities. Having said that, there have been times that I have felt judged for not having either an ‘English’ nor ‘Iranian’ partner. Then I just think back to my parents and how it didn’t matter for them. However, it is a question I’ve never asked my mum and would love to know. Whether she ever felt that they had any negative experiences; I only know the positives.
Mainly I feel that I get to see life from the lens of two cultures and reap the benefits of both. I also believe that it enables those of us that are mixed-race the desire and ability to connect easily with others of different cultures. Knowing that we are different, means that you are willing to find out more about other cultures and whether you have any similarities that stems from having an ethnic background.
There have been more instances of casual racism and a lack of education on different cultures, being called certain slurs as a child to ‘where are you from?’ or ‘you're not from here are you?’. It can be difficult, and I used to react with anger, but now, I try to look at it from a place of understanding, otherwise I am no better. However, it is tiring when you are judged for the colour of your skin. Being mixed-race you can be judged for not being White or dark enough, we're in the middle. What does upset me is when people aren’t able to see that my sister and myself are related. Our features and mannerisms are the same, the only differences are our heights and skin tones. I dislike this more than being asked where I’m from.
I connect to my culture mainly through food. Iranian food and the constant need to make the perfect Tadiq (Crispy rise on the bottom of the pan. It can make or break you as an Iranian!). Persians have always been elegant, hopefully this is true of myself too. My style muse is my Iranian grandmother, she was epitome of being chic whilst being young at heart as well as strong and independent. When my Iranian Grandmother was around (sadly my English Grandmother passed away when I was very young) we used to listen to Iranian jokes, music and dance in an Iranian style a lot more. As a result, I have an eclectic taste in music, influenced by all of my family members and society. Only recently have I started to seek out modern Iranian music and artists, despite Iran having a wealth of creative nationals and heritage.
I am yet to visit Iran, the closest I’ve been is when we lived in Kuwait until I was 4. Neither of my parents have been back since the Iranian revolution. I would love to go but I feel it would be bittersweet. It’s a country that is so different to the time my Mum grew up there, where it was more open for women and for those of different religions. Growing up and coming from an Iranian Bahai family would make it more difficult due to tensions within the country’s current political climate. That is not a reflection on Iranians, who can be some of the friendliest people you can find. It does, however, make me feel that a part of me is untapped but not missing. There are some things I feel I don’t fully understand, as a result of not being able to visit, but I don’t feel incomplete. I think that is down to my parents and my Grandmother, who lived with us whilst I was growing up, always making sure we knew where our family came from and maintaining those ties.
My outlook on my mixed heritage It hasn’t really changed, I’ve just become more aware and proud. Growing up I didn’t consciously identify as mixed-race, I was just me and my culture was just my family traditions, which they still are. As I’ve grown older, I’ve become more and more interested in where I come from, on both sides. What I have noticed now is when people nowadays ask where I’m from it’s not always clear where their interests lie; making me jump to conclusions. Do they want to know my heritage or that I grew up on the Kent / Surrey borders?! I do find that I sometimes switch between my two cultures depending on different situations. I can be either more English or more Iranian/Persian. It’s a constant sliding scale of experiences. The older I get the more proud and inquisitive I’ve become. Realising that there is so much more to learn of not just my own culture but everything in general. It’s only by understanding and experiencing other cultures that we can truly learn and accept ourselves to feel at home, no matter wherever we are.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would return exactly the same way, I would have the exact same experiences. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be me. I’d be a totally different person. For all the ups and downs that’s happened along the way and no doubt will happen in the future, it has shaped me to be who I am. The only thing I would wish for is a more open society. For everyone to be able to experience cultures of all kinds, theirs and others. My Father was always interested in our family tree and we have been building upon that. Trying to expand upon our Iranian side is trickier. We have taken a couple of Ancestry DNA tests to try and see if there are any connections and the results are fascinating. Myself and my sister found we are far more mixed that we first thought. With our DNA tracing back to France, Greece, Turkey, Armenia, East Africa, as well as English and Iranian. We got our Mum a test and even though her parents are both technically 100% Iranian, she has come back more mixed than we expected. (We expected Russian heritage as my Iranian Grandmother was blond and very fair but instead there was Greek, Turkish/Armenian and East African as well as Iranian). What I think this shows is that we are all, as humans, more mixed-race in ‘blood’ than we all thought. That we are far more global and connected to each other. It throws up interesting debates in what is culture, which culture you identify with and why. Is it down to your parents, friends or society? What part of your heritage molds who you are and which tribe you feel you belong to?