British/Australian | Indian
My parents met at a work party at a hospital in Essex, where my Father was working as a doctor and my Mother was a nurse. Their relationship and marriage were difficult for my Father's family to accept, his older brothers were both married in the traditional way and my Father, being the third oldest, was next in line. Being sure of wanting to be with my Mother, my Dad defied his family’s wishes and pursued his future with my Mum. Though some of my Father’s family attended the wedding, they continued to be sceptical of his choice. Despite this distancing my Father to his family, my parents are still happily married 39 years later. For me this showed that there are many other uniting factors between humans, not just culture and ethnicity.
I would say I grew up in a typically Western way. I spent much of my childhood in both the UK and Australia and had very little understanding of my paternal heritage. Though I spent my teenage years in a predominantly White area, I came across a few other South Asian-European mixed girls at school, it appeared that they too leaned much more towards the Western side of their heritage. I struggle to explain why, but the older I became the more I began to feel out of place in White/Western culture. When I left school to pursue higher education it felt like a breath of fresh air to meet so many different people from different parts of the world. This started my journey of discovering what it meant to have Indian heritage.
As a child, I didn't understand the implications of having a White mother and a Brown father. I had no concept of 'mixed-race' until I was much older. I saw my parents as 'normal', even though growing up in 90s Australia mixed couples were far from common. When we moved back to the UK, we were able to visit my paternal Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins who were based in Coventry and Hounslow. I remember distinctly how distanced I felt from this side of my heritage. The food, the smells, the house décor and the language spoken was in such contrast to my everyday life that I found it difficult to relate to being Indian for many years growing up. I regret not having more curiosity and not being open minded during the time my Grandparents were alive so I could get a better understanding of what it means to be Punjabi.
The older I have become the more I have detached from being labelled as any cultural identity. That’s not to say I don’t find culture fascinating and I see the importance of it for creating bonds. Personally, I have found it more productive to focus on other aspects of my life experience that cross borders, such as being a woman, a mother and my religious identity as examples. I feel that these forms of identity transcend borders and speak to the experience of human existence.
The feeling of community is something I have missed out on. However, I have also come to see the restrictions that culture can have on people. For me, I have found it liberating not being tied to a singular identity.
As a single parent raising my son in a conscious way has been a personal challenge for me. He has inherited my mix and is Iranian from his Father’s side. It is important for me to raise my son in a way that he is proud of who he is and has the ability to relate to those around him. Despite spending most of his life with me, he has had much more exposure to his Iranian heritage. Having been with my son’s Father for most of my twenties coupled with my lack of exposure to Punjabi culture, I feel more aligned with the Iranian identity than I am with my own ethnic background. I understand and speak some Farsi, have visited and travelled Iran and even have an Iranian passport. In contrast I have never been to India. My worry is that my son will only be able to identify as Iranian or Persian when he is older and that this may inform how he views the world. However, I hope to cultivate the idea with him that identity is multifaceted and that he is able to lean into more expansive forms of self-identification.
It is encouraging to see many more interracial relationships and biracial children in today’s world. I hope that this encourages society to become a more accepting place. I think it is important for future generations of mixed people, no matter their mix, to honour those in our history who were treated as ‘less than’ or shunned or forced to hide their mixed heritage. Mixed-race people have a history of their own and I would encourage the next generation of multiracial peoples to explore that in finding their identity.
My parents are my role models. They both came from difficult working-class backgrounds and have managed together to carve out a comfortable life for themselves and their family. My Father overcame many barriers being an immigrant with access to very limited resources, but through his hard work and determination managed to become a well-respected doctor in his field. My Mother, after her career in nursing, sacrificed her aspirations to stay at home for many years and raise 3 children. It is only now that I am a Mother myself, I am able to understand the sacrifices parents make for their kids.
I have frequently been called ‘ethnically ambiguous’ and when I reveal that I am biracial I have often got the reaction of ‘you don’t look Indian’. I find this frustrating on many levels because firstly India is such a diverse country that there is no typical Indian look and secondly, I may not look Indian because I am not fully Indian. I make sure I raise both these points if such a comment is made.
Of my background, I admire the courage of the Punjabi people. Not only inside India with the farmers protests of 2020/2021 but also the part they played in standing up to the far right in Britain in the race riots in seventies and eighties. I believe that courage and standing up for what is right is part of the Punjabi culture. The light-heartedness of the Australian way of life and culture is something that I appreciate. De-emphasising the seriousness of life is a helpful strategy for me to maintain a level of happiness which can be difficult in the modern world. This may be controversial, I can only speak from my own experience, but I value the warmth of people from Essex. Most of the maternal side of my family reside in this part of the UK and I have observed a culture of warmth and generosity from them. This has had an influence on the person I am today and is something I feel many people from the rest of the country could benefit from.
I have come to admire much about Iranian culture. The use of language and etiquette is very beautiful. I love that poetry, and the arts are so entrenched in everyday society and that there is so much joy in music and sharing food with others. I try to include some traditions that reflect my son’s multiracial heritage. Every year I set up a Haft Seen for Norooz, which celebrates Persian new year and springtime. We have started to observe Rakhri with my son’s maternal cousins which is a festival which celebrates brothers and sisters. And of course, we celebrate Christmas which we see as a family time and is a big occasion in my family. This day usually ends with a nod to my father’s Indian roots by ending the day with his home cooked Indian food.
After I had just graduated university, I struggled to find employment. This was despite having a bachelor’s and master’s degree plus several good work experience placements. The only reason I could think to explain this was because of my name, both my first and surname are quite obviously South Asian. Whether this was the case or not, I felt the need to change my name on my applications to my Western sounding second name. The CEO of the company I work for at the moment has a very similar mixed heritage to mine which is rather coincidental. The firm is based in the UK and in India, with the majority of employees being of Indian descent. I feel in this instance I am recognised for my Indian side apart from when it comes to eating spicy food which I am unable to take!