American | Filipino
I’m a Filipina-American who is cisgender and straight (she/her). My Mother was born in the Philippines and emigrated to the States and my Dad is a White American (British, German, Swedish background). They met in Seattle while working at a restaurant together. I think for my Dad it must’ve been a bit of culture shock, getting thrown into this huge Filipino family. My Mom had already been adapting to American life by the time they met so I think for her it was just more of the same.
My view on interracial relationships is a lot different than my parents’ generation, as in America it was illegal to interracially marry until 1967 (Loving v. Virginia). For me I assumed any relationship I’d be in would be somewhat interracial, as I never thought I’d find someone the same ethnicity as me in town!
My culture was something I enjoyed sharing with people I’ve dated, as it’s a huge part of my identity. In the past it’s been mostly teaching the other about what growing up mixed-race was like and eating a lot of Filipino food together. But that changed when I met my current boyfriend, who was the first mixed-race person I’d dated. It was really cool to have someone understand right off the bat, and we’ve definitely grown closer because of it, even though we’re not the same exact ‘mix’.
I’m really glad I am part of a culture where food is so important, and a way of sharing love. It’s nice to get more of a local treatment while traveling, as I’m rather ambiguously ‘ethnic’. I sometimes get included in more social groups, but at the same time I get excluded from certain groups so that’s both good and bad. I mostly connect to my culture through food, as Filipinos really love gathering around big communal meals. I’d always be in the kitchen when my grandma was cooking for holidays, watching everything she did. For music I mean I listen to Bruno Mars, who is half Filipino! And H.E.R.
One of my biggest challenges is that I don’t look very Filipina, so it’s hard to gain acceptance in the community sometimes and I feel that I overcompensate a lot for that. However, I look like I have more Japanese features so I’ve been more accepted into the Japanese community, which is a weird feeling because I’m not Japanese (even though everyone thinks I am) so I don’t embrace it as I’m an outsider.
I’ve been to the Philippines three times, two trips were for a month each, and it’s been really great to meet all of my Mom’s family over there. I’m glad my Mom took me when I was 12 so I could grow up knowing what it was like there. My Dad’s side emigrated over a hundred years ago so it’s harder to track where exactly the family came from in Europe.
I didn’t quite realize that other people weren’t mixed-race until I was about 9, when I went to a friend’s house to eat and they didn’t have rice (WEIRD). I know for sure my outlook will change if I ever have children, since I’m aware of the experience and would be able to help navigate a mixed-race life for my kid.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I’d return the same way, as I am proud of who I am and my heritage and how it’s shaped who I have become. Although I would love it if next time around my Mom taught me Tagalog or Kapampangan!