Afghan | British/Danish/German
My Dad is from Afghanistan with a small amount of Arab, Indian and Pakistani, and my Mum is half British and half Danish/German. They met in Manchester, England at a KFC my Dad was managing at the time. At first I didn't think my Mum thought she was going to end up with a man of another race, let alone a refugee like my Dad, but I think now she wouldn’t have it any other way. And vice versa.
I don’t know any family from my Dad’s side so I was primarily raised into British culture as I’ve lived here my whole life, but I’ve been to Denmark and Germany many times. I really want to learn more about my other half but it’s hard at the same time because I am very White passing and it can feel very erasing and inauthentic at times. Unfortunately I don’t follow any traditions. I have never been to central Asia in general, and it is unlikely Afghanistan will be safe to visit in my lifetime. My Dad recently showed me his Qu’ran, although I am not a Muslim there was something that felt so comforting about it. I felt a little more connected than I did before.
I sometimes feel like I don’t belong, as if I don’t have a community or am fully accepted by people. I am often questioned about my name and my face and have experienced odd comments about my appearance when people hear I am mixed-race. I have learnt to be proud of who I am, regardless if I don’t ‘pass’ as mixed-race, because only I know how I truly am and how I identify.
Growing up with a foreign name and parent but a ‘non-foreign face’ just felt weird and it made me uncomfortable when people saw both my parents because maybe they expected me to look a certain way. Sometimes I shorten my name from Maryam to Mary due to how I feel like people should be perceiving me. Maybe I feel like it gives me a social and professional advantage. To be seen as more normal by others. Ultimately to not cause confusion because by looking at my face, you can’t really tell I am mixed. Now I just accept who I am and ironically I think it has helped me get along well with all kinds of people. When I hang out with people who are from one culture or one ethnicity I find I can’t relate to everything they say but at the time my experiences feel invalidated because I am not just one thing.
Sometimes it’s lonely or isolating not knowing many people who grew up with culturally and/or racially diverse parents. It helps speaking to my older sister about it and sharing my experience with my friends and family. I would say that it is such a special thing to have diversity within yourself, it makes you more understanding of other cultures, and of other people. It’s not something to be afraid of or feel isolated because of. Just own the fact you are unique and have an outlook not many others have.
I have been called many things, some stranger than others. I have heard exotic and ambiguous before but also weird ones like ‘half-breed’, and comments like ‘you’re prettier because you’re mixed-race’. It throws you off sometimes. I get what people are trying to say but sometimes it comes off as strange rather than curiosity. Most of the time I don’t mind though.
Both of my parents inspire me in different ways. Both worked hard, again in different ways. My Mum focused on her career and is driven, like me. And my Dad was a refugee who fled Iran (where he grew up) to live a safer life in the UK, was resilient, something which I too try to be in my everyday life.
I like a blend between European and Asian cultures, maybe because that’s what I am but in general I have experienced these cultures most. For example, a lot of my school friends are South Asian and I have travelled to East Asia. I find I get on better with ethnic people in general. I have also travelled around Europe a lot, while vague, I can only see myself living in one of these two continents. Food is a must, some blend of European and Asian styles. Next I would put on some cultural Afghani clothes (which I have never had the chance to wear), and lastly something British because this is where I grew up.
To be honest it’s not acknowledged unless I say something because it’s not obvious. But even if it were known I don’t think many people are bothered to a great extent. Generally speaking, there is little representation (that I have seen) for those of us who feel isolated by our mixed heritage. I wish I had more mixed friends, for example. I guess I would love to just be seen and accepted as mixed-race, not just a White British person with a foreign name. To be seen as exactly half and half and that I am as much Asian as European. To not feel isolated and to find a community that I can relate to.