Norwegian | Malian

Photo credit: provided by subject

I identify as Black, biracial, agnostic & bisexual. My Mother is Norwegian, and my Father is from Mali. He was playing a concert in London while she was living there studying to be a ballet dancer. She had a friend who owned a record shop and she had heard some of his music there. She decided to see the show, the rest is history. 

My parents didn’t combine their cultures, my Father is a working musician so my actual time with him was limited to a few times a year. At home in Norway my background was hardly discussed. There were no Malian foods, no French, no garments or even flags. The one exception being that we often played my Father's music. It was exceptionally hard not having a real relationship with half of myself. 

My family was ‘colour-blind’ in the sense that they didn't see or understand that I was treated differently in a lot of social situations, for instance talking about how my hair was ‘difficult’. I had a lot of ingrained internalised racism and self-hatred in my childhood years.

I try not to be prejudice, but it's important to me to date someone who isn't blind to the fact that a lot of our systems are inherently racist and that understands that may lead to some trauma or difficulties. My family has always been quite open to interracial relationships, so am I. I do however acknowledge that having a mixed child requires some insight into what they will face and that you are prepared for a lot of hard conversations. Learn about each other and your respective cultures, respect it, treasure it. You'll be more in love when you truly understand each other. 

I am not responsible for your ignorance, especially if you do not want to listen. I'm quite fair and did not acknowledge my Malian side for most of my childhood. Relaxers and sunscreen were my best friends. I wanted so badly to be ‘full-White’. I'm embarrassed about it now, but the truth is I would have given anything for a flatter butt (the other kids said I looked like a duck), straight Blond hair etc. 

I mean I blend in pretty much anywhere if I choose too, so that's nice. And I have gotten to learn so much that I probably would never have bothered to look into. I love being mixed now, I get to be both, how cool is that!

I wish I was more aware when I was younger, I had such a hard time accepting myself and my duality. It made it hard to feel complete. And you know, your run of the mill racism, that kind of a pain in the ass. 

I love being mixed now, I hated it as a kid. I used to be ashamed when people asked where I was ‘really from’ as I saw it as a clear indication that I was an ‘other’ and did not belong here. It's still annoying, but I try to meet it with grace and assume they have the best intentions, even if it’s hard. 

If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would return the same as I am today, but with parents that understood their responsibility in making my love myself and my cultures. Teaching is loving, you teach the people you love so they can be better people, but if someone does not want to be educated or challenged that is not your responsibility. 

Don't waste your love, the world is moving forward, they can choose to be left behind if they want. Do not beg for people who do not want to understand to love you, there are so many of us that already do, and so many that will. 

I think conversations are essential, being open to listen and learn from each other's experiences and truths is important if we are aiming to change the systemic racism present in our society today. I also think education is so important, I think getting textbooks that aren't inherently ‘western centric’ would be an eye opener for many.