Italian | Jamaican

Photo credit: @runawaydigitalmedia

I identify as Pansexual; my ethnicity is Italian & Jamaican. My Mom is from Toronto, but her parents were born in Italy. I believe I also have some Irish heritage. My Dad is from Jamaica and his parents were born there too. They met in Toronto at a club.

My Father left when I was months old. Though I did not have his direct influence, I had the influence of my Stepfather who was from St. Vincent. So I had both White and Black influence. However, my social groups were predominantly White. I dealt with a lot of racism as a result. Kids have a way of outcasting the ones that are different. My Mom raised us and did most of the cooking, however, she learned at a young age to cook meals that would keep her men happy. She is Italian and a stereotypically Italian Mom too. She cooks dinner every night and has for 27 years, she still does my brothers laundry and he is 24. She keeps a spotless house and yells at everyone who leaves a crumb behind, speaking loudly is her preferred form of communication. Anyone with an Italian Mom will know what I mean.

Food and music were very diverse. My Mom and Dad both shared their interests and hobbies with us. I was that Black kid that went skiing, camping and played hockey. But I was also that ‘white-washed’ kid that loved dancehall, Caribbean cuisine and festivals that uplift Black people. I was exposed to everything which is why I believe myself to be so accepting today. As a family we didn't do much traveling. I went to Jamaica once when I was 2 years old and St. Vincent twice when I was 5 and 9 years old. Growing up I learned French in school all the way to grade 12. My Mom always urged me to learn the language for better job opportunities, I am still not fluent in French after 12 years of study. My elementary school offered Italian and French, so my brother and I studied both to grade 5. Upon moving to our new school Italian was no longer offered. We were then enrolled in Italian classes on the weekend until grade 7 or 8. Even though I'm Italian, I understand French more. 

Culture has never been a determining factor in choosing partners for me. However, I have noticed that a significant proportion of people who find me attractive are Black or White. Other races do not seem to approach me or take interest nearly as often. I feel that I am a visible minority. I don't think there is much of an option to deny being Black or White. There are different colour shades on the spectrum for mixed-race people, but my truth is that people who are in the middle of that spectrum can't hide very well. ‘What's your mix?’ is the most notorious line ever stated to my face. 

I don't know if I could survive my Grandparents life. We are so much more blessed that we have more opportunities today despite inequalities still being very prevalent. All I can hope for is that people like myself and other mixed-race people hold space for these types of conversations to educate the masses.

I feel I am very open-minded because I looked at the world through the lens of good and bad instead of Black versus White, until I was faced with my own discrimination. I’m very cultured because I wanted to learn about everyone's cultural traditions and things that were new to me. I have learnt to look inwards and not look to the outside world for validation. I was not getting much so it wasn't much of a choice. I am proud of the melanin in my skin and to know I am that much more connected to the origins of my ancestors. 

On occasions, when speaking to non-mixed-race people my experiences have been invalidated. I have been told that they are ‘half’ warranted.  I have also received racist remarks from each respective community I identify with. Loving myself and trusting myself is hard to do that when caught in between two very opposing ideologies.

My outlook used to be more pessimistic and I could not see the value in being caught between such opposing forces. Over time I learned that my differences can also be a way to unify all types of people who will then go on to unify others. As I get older, I realize the only truth is that we are all part of ONE race, the human race. Anyone who does not value human life should be penalized and held accountable period. 

I work in media and entertainment mostly commercials, television and film. I believe there is way more diversity on TV presently. I have definitely benefited in this particular field of work. I was granted many opportunities in the year of 2019. Where the lack of diversity lies is behind the scenes with crews and the production teams. There are very few women or minorities calling the shots. When stories are being told from one lens the narrative is biased. It would be nice to see more Black writers, producers and directors.

If I were to be reborn, I would still want to be me but in the pre-colonization era. I would want to be part of a matriarchal society where the connection to mother earth was valued, respected and nourished.

Currently, I work as an actress, model, speaker and entrepreneur. I utilize my social media platforms to inspire people to build a healthier lifestyle through fitness, nutrition, and mindset development. I believe that personal development is the foundation for success in anything you do in life. In my program, ‘Design Your Mind’ I support individuals through the development of themselves and their business models.

I also the host of my own mini-talk show series called ‘Mixed $#!T’. It serves to highlight voices of ‘the other’. The other is defined in this series as people who do not fit into societal norms and binary ideals. I am a host on the ‘CrownMe’ TV network, a LGBTQ+ panel working to bring awareness and education to the community. My personal life experience combined with my studies in Psychology are what spark an even deeper curiosity for helping people understand their role in shaping thoughts, emotions, behaviours and success.