Indian | Honduran

Photo credit: Provided by subject

I’m Punjabi Indian and Honduran. My Mother is from Tegucigalpa, Honduras and my Father is from Punjab, India. My parents actually meet in a Burger King in Newark, New Jersey. My Dad was actually waiting for another girl to go on a date and then my Mom ended up walking through the door first and he caught her eye. For some reason, I always think their version of a coffee shop was Burger King. 

I remember combining their cultures as being a struggle for my parents at first because of the ancestral and cultural pressures placed on them. My parents are both immigrants who were trying to develop a better life for their future generations. I remember having baleadas on one day and then samosas for an appetizer on another day. I have always loved how mixed our food was when we would have dinner. I think it’s a perfect example of how beautiful the mixing of cultures is. I loved the combination and didn’t think twice about it until I started going to school. 

I am used to hearing three languages growing up: English, Punjabi, and Spanish. Growing up my parents involved me in both of their own religious beliefs. I remember going to a Catholic school during my elementary years and on Sundays we would go to a Sikh temple, so I could be exposed to both religious orientations. I think the hardest part for my parents is how each of their families reacted to marrying someone outside of their ethnicities. 

I’m in an interracial marriage. My husband is Irish and Polish. I met him in high school, and we have been together since then. While I feel interracial relationships are more accepted, there are still barriers and stigma being made and associated with interracial relationships. I remember how we had to cater to each of our cultures during our wedding. We had Honduran, Punjabi Indian, and American food at our wedding. And played Spanish, Punjabi, and English music. It’s crazy to me that interracial marriages became legalized in 1967. I honour and thank the interracial couples that came before me and my husband, who paved the way for progression, and fought hard for it.

I didn’t think much of my mixed racial identity until I started high school. I remember going to a predominantly White private school and noticing how different I looked from my peers. The other kids did not seem to get the concept of being mixed. I remember Spanish class was really easy for me and they would always say ‘wait, I thought you were only Indian’. I remember when my Grandma would come to my school plays in beautiful saris and I would feel uncomfortable with it because my family looked diversely different from the families of my White counterparts. I remember one kid made fun of me when my Mom would talk to me in Spanish or would always point out the Brownness in my skin. I remember wanting to fit in and at times felt shame in my background.

My Punjabi Grandma did not approve of my parents’ marriage. I remember my Mom telling me that she would disown him if he did marry her. Nevertheless, he still did, and my Grandma was always a part of my life and lived with us for months at a time. I remember my Abuelita never seemed to point out my biracial identity. Even when I got married to my husband, my Punjabi Grandma did not approve of it because he was Irish and Polish. I think I have been exposed to more seeing more interracial relationships now as an adult rather when I was younger. My parents always seemed for interracial marriages or relationships. I know to my Grandparents, it was something that they had to get used to because it was not culturally normal to them. 

Some positive aspects that I have faced about my identity was living and experiencing two dynamic and beautiful cultures. Both of my parents have a tendency to lean towards more collectivism and I have always enjoyed that. I loved always having family gatherings, loved that my parents have each tried to cultivate and pass on their cultural values. I Think growing up in a racially mixed home has made me open to learning about other cultures. 

One challenge I have experienced was the exotification of racially mixed people. I went to high school in Pennsylvania and it’s predominantly White. I can’t even tell you how many times I have been called exotic, when I’m born in New Jersey!! I think it also made me feel unnatural in my environment, almost like I was an artefact in a museum and was being stared at by onlookers. I also have felt some alienation from both of my cultures in the past. I think I have always experienced racial imposter syndrome. I remember hearing numerous times that I wasn’t Punjabi Indian enough or that I wasn’t an actual Latina because I was only half. I remember even not feeling like an American because I didn’t look like the girls on the television or media or the kids I went to school with. 

I have had the blessing and the privilege to experience each of my cultures in each of their native countries. I remember going to see the golden temple and loving the richness in the ancestral culture being passed down through generations. I remember going to Honduras and seeing the Mayan ruins, spending time with my relatives and feeling like it’s my second home. 

My outlook has 100% changed on being a mixed adult. I think that I pushed myself to get involved in groups that celebrate each of my cultures. Growing up I often associated myself with identifying more with my Honduran side. Now I feel that I can coexist with both. I think I will always be improving and learning. I believe I am way more confident in my racial identities and my Brownness. I Think it is also who you surround yourself with. I made an effort to seek out people that accept and encourage me to celebrate my cultures, who want to promote ally-ship and advocacy for minority communities, and who have walked alongside me in my racial discovery journey.

I work as a mental health therapist in a private practice. I find that I am given opportunities to even teach others about biraciality/multiraciality and the microaggressions that our community may face. I think what makes my setting nice to work at is the open mindedness that my co-workers have, the mindset of wanting to learn more about different experiences/cultures and recognizing the privilege that monoracial people may have over racially mixed people. 

If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would to return as the exact person I am, except I would wish I could when grown up in a more diverse community. 

I’d like to believe I’m handling the COVID pandemic well, nevertheless I’m experiencing news media fatigue and a bit of anxiety, which I feel is most people. I’ve been practicing some of my self-care rituals to help me cope during this time. I’m working from home right now doing Telehealth psychotherapy. I didn’t realize how much I miss working in an office setting. But I try to find innovative ways to keep my therapy sessions engaging.