German | African/Native American

Photo credit: provided by subject

I identify as a mixed Black woman. My Mom is German and Pennsylvania Dutch and my Dad is Black and Native American (Blackfoot tribe). From what I know, my parents grew up together in the same neighbourhood, dated in high school, and then got married. I grew up in a predominantly Black neighbourhood. I didn't even know my Mom was German/PA Dutch until I was a teenager, so my experience has been the Black American experience, while also not truly feeling accepted by the Black community because of my mixed background. My Father is Black. My Grandfather was Black. My husband is Black.

Growing up in a Black community, it was all I knew, and because my skin was Brown, although my Mom was White, I considered myself Black until my skin colour and hair texture started to become hot topics on the playground. In my teenage years I struggled with my identity and started to tell people I was Black. Even still, I was met with ‘ok you're Black but what are you mixed with?’. I was ashamed of being White for a long time due to the conflict between White and Black people in America as well as in hopes I would be more accepted if I didn't reveal I was mixed. My Grandmother (White) was with a Black man who was my Grandfather however not biologically. There was definitely tension around my Grandparents being together from his side of the family. 

Despite us living in a generation where inclusivity is talked about often, I think it's more of a trend than a real change. Under the surface interracial couples today deal with the same stereotypes that surround their predecessor. The biggest challenge I've faced around my mix is how to identify and define myself. I'm always going to be put into a box. Some people are going to put me into a box, however many won't. A lot of people will feel some type of way about me being mixed, and a lot more people really won't give a damn. Regardless of how anyone feels whether positive or negative, I've learned and am still learning. Only I can identify who I am, and it's ok if it makes others uncomfortable, and it's ok if no one understands. What's important is that I know who I am and I understand how I'm defining my own life and existence.

I haven’t visited my native countries and oh man, I'm so ready to hit up Germany and meet up and learn! I kinda feel a little cheated, you know, not finding out I was German until I was in my teens like come on Mom, really!? As a child I was confused by being mixed. At home I just felt like me, and out in the world I was a little Black girl to White people, and Black and something else to Black people. I'm sure my outlook will continue to evolve as I continue to evolve.

Right now I work for myself, however, when I was in corporate, I was fortunate to work for a company who considered me as a Black woman who eventually got pregnant. The company hosted a variety of events around inclusivity to include various cultures as well as the LGBTQ community. I was encouraged to work hard and was being pushed to grow my skills to get into a managerial position which was a major thing, to be a Black woman in logistics with a managerial role. It was a rare experience that should be the norm.

If I were to be reborn, I'd come back as a mermaid so I could explore the deepest of oceans and learn about past civilizations and see what other life may exist beyond what we currently know. 

I struggled with my identity as a child/teen and found it hard to find a community that reflected what I stood for. Half-naked women on rap videos was definitely not the image of myself I preferred. I started my company, Mad Moisture Beauty, to encourage multicultural/racial women to love their mix. We celebrate multicultural experiences through plant-powered skincare.