Northern Irish | Jamaican

I identify as a mixed heritage, gay man. My Dad is from Northern Ireland and my Mum’s parents are from Jamaica. They met in England where I was born. 

By all accounts it’s easier and more socially acceptable to be in an interracial relationship in that you’re less likely to be in physical danger or turned away from places for being together, but then tensions have risen socially and politically and the internet has given a voice to racism, which is influencing the status quo. The issues you encounter now may be more subtle, which in some ways can be worse. Having one of you be ID’d, or ‘randomly searched’, or not let in somewhere. Those events can build up and manifest in unhealthy ways. If you’re dating someone with different coloured skin, from a different culture, country or religion, I’d advise you be sure you both have the emotional and intellectual range to be able to handle the daily obstacles you’ll face.

I’m asked where I’m from almost every day. I try not to let it bother me but the constant reminder that I ‘don’t look like I’m from here’ makes me feel like I’m not. It might be easier if I had a place I felt like I was from, but I’ve lived in the UK for pretty much my whole life. What they really want to know is why my skin is this colour, ‘the UK’ doesn’t answer that.

I sing in a goth band Hurtsfall and often get asked why I make that kind of music. I’m sure people expect me to rap or sing R&B (which I like as well by the way). I used to split up each side of myself and each friendship group but now I just mix everything together which you can see in how I dress. Once you stop trying to make sense for other people life gets good.

When I was younger, I tried so hard to assimilate by straightening/relaxing my hair or cutting it so short that I didn’t have to deal with. Anyone about to have mixed kids please educate your child on appropriate haircare. Representation is so important; I don’t remember many Black or mixed role models growing up. I’m sure there were some tokens but not all at once in such a positive way that I can recall.

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