Northern Irish | Anglo-Indian
When I was younger I felt more in touch with the Northern Irish part of myself, as this felt like a bigger part of our family. That being said, we visited my Mum's family in India regularly. As I have gotten older and thinking about my experiences of being othered growing up, I have connected more with my Indian side, which has been made more complex with my Mum being Anglo-Indian. I feel like seeking this balance has been understanding these different parts, and how the two cultures that I am have deep-rooted pain and displacement from colonial rule.
My experience of being mixed-race growing up was generally not understood, I felt questioned and denied of my experience and identity repeatedly growing up. Now as I am older I have found an identity in understanding my cultures more and also having others understand me as being of mixed heritage. When I have told people that I am mixed I have not been believed at times which has led me to feel isolated. It has left me feeling desperate at times to feel understood and sad at not being. I have been called exotic and foreign, and there is generally a sense of not being able to place me, this can be frustrating as I am put in the position of having to defend myself frequently, having to put firm boundaries in place between myself and others.
Some but not all of the organisations I work with have an understanding of and recognise the mixed-heritage experience. As an Art Psychotherapist, I work in predominantly White spaces and people of mixed heritage and those who are not White have to do a lot of labour and thinking around intersectionality, specifically around race and ethnicity in these spaces. Although this has been changing slowly, it still has some way to go.
My 'words of wisdom' would be to try to think of your identity as a fluid position rather than a fixed one. I feel like I spent a long time trying to find a fixed position with my experience of being of mixed heritage. I have hidden that I am Anglo-Indian in the past as it has felt too difficult to explain to others and be understood.
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