Maltese | Jamaican
My Mum and Dad met in a rehab centre, in North London. It was about three weeks later into their treatment that I was conceived there. My Mum passed away when I was 3, so I never grew up with the privilege of indulging in her side of my heritage. When I was around 15/16 I asked my Dad how he had met my Mum. I never thought to ask, so he never thought to explain. Though rehab doesn't sound like the most romantic or glamorous place to meet, it sounded like they had a lot of fun. From mountain hikes, to kayaking; they did everything together. My Dad said that my Mum was the first to run and jump off a huge cliff into water, whilst he would calmly stand well away from the edge.
Up until now, I have never admitted on social media that my parents met in rehab, so perhaps this is a hidden part of my identity that I've chosen to keep private. I've never been ashamed of their love story, more conscious of how people would respond if it ever came up in conversation. They met through addiction and loved through addiction. So, in a weird, dysfunctional way I have a lot of gratitude for addiction. I will never diminish my parent's void; how can we judge how people deal with their trauma?
My background has certainly influenced my poetry and spoken word. I find the process of fleshing out my identity to be very grounding. As it's taken time for me to understand it, it takes time for me to translate it into art. So, I enjoy the patience it requires.
Though London has been where I've discovered most of myself, it has thrown me its curveballs. I've been met with a lot of ‘you don't look like a Lateshia’ and ‘you sound too well spoken for your name’ and ‘you're so exotic’. Growing up I never knew how to answer those statements. Did people want me to say thank you? Did they think they were being complimentary? I understand my privilege in not being a victim to overt, racial abuse. However, I have regularly experienced covert, othering and exotifying behaviours. In spite of this, I enjoy being ambiguous. I enjoy the guessing game. I enjoy being a mystery.
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In collaboration with Poetic Unity