Italian | Seychellois/Kenyan
When you start hiding parts of your identity/culture, you get into a routine and do it subconsciously. This mostly happened at musical theatre university, racism was never ‘called out’ just constantly gaslighted. I thought I finally found my ‘home’ after moving away at 15 to start a new life, I felt that I was accepted for WHO I was. But unfortunately on the first day, my principal said to sing a song, paused, looked me up and down and said ‘sing it in your own language’, this made me realise that I’m the ‘token ethnic student’. From then on, I felt like I was hiding my true identity because I wanted to fit in. But received a lot of judgemental comments because I wasn’t a ‘TRUE musical theatre student’.
Being within the performing industry was toxic, constantly being casted for a Spanish role, or the problematic attitude Brown girl and being told to play another culture instead of being casted for who I am! This was my rule, not to play someone else’s culture as they could have just hired someone that’s PART of the culture. This then affected my confidence as an individual, although I was always insecure because growing up the boys would always mention my skin, or the hair on my arms or just not looking ‘girly’ enough.
I could share a whole shopping list of what needs to change. The biggest one is the beauty standard, I wish I learnt a long time ago that all of it is truly poisoning. I remember speaking with a wonderful woman and I asked ‘what ethnicity are you? She listed off all her features and said ‘girl, it’s all filler/enhancement!’, she was darker than me and it was fake tan. Although she was honest as not a lot of people are, this was damaging as she looked exactly like me but people praised her because of colourism. I understand I have privilege due to colourism but it’s worrying how much these celebrities have changed their looks in order to look more ‘ethnic’. Be who you are and embrace your features, from small lips to big lips, to slim waist to thick waist we are all unique!
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