Indonesian | Egyptian
I have been closer to my Egyptian heritage. I think more because of my parents' shared faith, so growing up in a majority Arab and South Asian neighbourhood, I was sometimes seen as part of these diasporas as I looked closest to them. However, I was teased for looking Chinese or 'oriental', to the point whenever I heard the word 'Chinese' I kind of had a fight or flight response from it; my body would instantly heat up, I'd start sweating and my heart would beat faster.
I was always on edge going to parents day meetings, not because of my bad behaviour or my progress in school, but because of 'friends' and classmates finding out my Mum looks the way she does; ‘oriental, Chinese etc’. Classmates would be like, ‘why you lying, you're not Egyptian. Your Mum's Chinese’.
So I stayed far away from my Mother's Indonesian culture and wanted nothing to do with it. I was very reluctant to walk next to my Mum. I'm so ashamed to say this. But I'm happy that I don't think that way anymore at 21 years old. I am currently trying to find a certain 'balance', whatever that means. I'm actively exploring more of my South-East Asian side which is also so underrepresented in many ways.
I couldn't really belong in Egypt, my fatherland. It also doesn’t help that I don’t look so much like my Father. When I went to Indonesia, people thought I was Arab. I can’t win. I am truly British, even though I don't look it. Britain really is my home. This acceptance makes me feel a bit better, especially being from a melting pot like London.
The world will be more and more mixed-race. It's actually a scientific stat too. So there are so many of us to share our experiences and perspectives with. I personally am dedicated to telling stories of my mixed-race experience and perspective through film and TV as an actor and writer, so hopefully there will be much better representation of us so that we can be seen more. And I know there are people out there working on this representation too.
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