British | Filipina
The last time I cried was when I was recently having a heart-to-heart discussion with my Mum over a phone call. Growing up our relationship was quite turbulent and I think that cultural differences and language barriers had a lot to do with that. I also wasn't the easiest child to bring up as I had a very quick temperament and, because we're both alike in that sense, it was like fighting fire with fire. However, as we've both matured, I now feel like we're beginning to understand one another a lot more now and at a depth that we never used to before. The reason as to why I got so emotional is because I can now see the sacrifices my Mum made to ensure that me and my sister had a better quality of life than she did. One thing that stuck with me is when she told me that as a child she used to pray every time she saw an aeroplane when working in the rice fields in her village. She prayed that one day she'd be able to stop working on the farm and travel to a different country so that she could provide a better life for herself and her children. That really struck a chord in me as it highlighted God's power in that my family is a manifestation of that prayer and I want to honour that as best as I possibly can.
Something that I've always loved about being mixed-race is knowing that I'm part of two different cultures. I love travelling over to the Philippines and experiencing the way in which the other half of my family live. However, I've struggled with knowing where it is that I 'fit'. I grew up in a small working class town in the North of England and, even though I'm mixed, I've battled with knowing if I'm actually allowed to call myself Filipina as I haven't been exposed to much of the culture. I've always felt a pang of guilt not knowing how to speak Bisayan or Tagalog but I'm making an active effort to learn. There have been instances where my family in the Philippines have had to speak English to accommodate me when personally I feel it should be the other way around.
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