British/Australian | Indian
As a child, I didn't understand the implications of having a White Mother and a Brown Father. I saw my parents as 'normal', even though growing up in 90s Australia mixed couples were far from common. When we moved back to the UK, we were able to visit my paternal Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. I remember distinctly how distanced I felt from this side of my heritage. The food, the smells, the house décor and the language spoken was in such contrast to my everyday life that I found it difficult to relate to being Indian for many years growing up. I regret not having more curiosity and not being open minded during the time my Grandparents were alive so I could get a better understanding of what it means to be Punjabi.
The older I have become the more I have detached from being labelled as any cultural identity. That’s not to say I don’t find culture fascinating and I see the importance of it for creating bonds. Personally, I have found it more productive to focus on other aspects of my life experience that cross borders, such as being a woman, a mother and my religious identity as examples. I feel that these forms of identity transcend borders and speak to the experience of human existence.
As a single parent raising my son in a conscious way has been a personal challenge for me. He has inherited my mix and is Iranian from his Father’s side. It is important for me to raise my son in a way that he is proud of who he is and has the ability to relate to those around him. Despite spending most of his life with me, he has had much more exposure to his Iranian heritage. Having been with my son’s Father for most of my twenties coupled with my lack of exposure to Punjabi culture, I feel more aligned with the Iranian identity than I am with my own. In contrast I have never been to India. My worry is that my son will only be able to identify as Iranian or Persian when he is older and that this may inform how he views the world. However, I hope to cultivate the idea with him that identity is multifaceted and that he is able to lean into more expansive forms of self-identification.
Sign up to Patreon or Subscribe to our website to read more stories