Spanish | Ghanaian - Paralegal @ The Alan Turing Institute
I identify as mixed-race, agnostic, cis gendered & heterosexual.
The pandemic brought about a different mindset as to my health, as well as everyone else around me. I became hyper aware of mortality and decided to live each day with more purpose. It also truly made me think about my purpose in life and what my main goals are. It also made me realise that consumption of social media to the extent I was doing so before the pandemic was not healthy for me, as it skewed my perception of reality, so I cut down on the use of social media.
My Mother is from Spain and my Father is from Ghana. My Dad was travelling to the UK, but due to a lack of invitation letter he was deported and his connecting flight was through Madrid. The flight did not depart immediately, so he was able to remain in Madrid for a while, really liked it and decided to stay. My Dad is Buddhist and went on a Buddhist retreat in southern Spain, where he met my Mother, who was also trying out Buddhism. My Dad did not speak good Spanish when he first met my mother, so their communication was a bit difficult, but he adapted to the Spanish way of life very easily. My Dad is also a music enthusiast and listens to all different kinds of music - we have over 1000 CDs at home and my Mum has always enjoyed discovering new music through him.
We never had enough money to visit Ghana as a family, so I did not meet my Ghanaian family until I was 20 years old, when I finally had my own money to go. It was a shock, as it became clear that my Dad had adapted a much more European way of life than his Ghanaian family. Overall my Dad adapted more than my mum in terms of culture, which led myself and my sister to grow up in a mainly Spanish/European environment without much influence from the Ghanaian side.
I was in an interracial relationship, which broke down during the pandemic, because as my life goals and focus changed my perception of the relationship changed too. My partner was of Indian and Pakistani origin and his family had never accepted that he was dating a non-Muslim, non-Pakistani woman. We faced many issues with his family and I realised that if the relationship were to succeed I would have had to hide, or suppress, many aspects of my personality in front of his family and I was unwilling to do so just to fit in and keep the peace.
Growing up in Spain with an afro was extremely hard. My parents didn’t know how to look after my hair, so from a young age I started straightening my hair just to be able to manage it and to avoid drawing attention to myself. I also did not speak my mind about racist sayings that are commonplace in Spain, partly because I was unable to articulate why they bothered me and partly because I did not want to stand out or create confrontation.
The main challenge has always been the struggle to find things that work for my body, for example, finding the right hair products or hairdressers, as White hair dressers would not hydrate my hair and Black hair dressers would be too rough on my hair. It was also a struggle to be deemed less attractive due to my Black features, or then being deemed much more attractive than a darker Black woman simply over the colour of my skin. I find it a ridiculous concept and have always felt uncomfortable with it.
My eldest brothers are role models to me, although our political and societal views do not align, they have always cared for me like parents. It was also very hard for them to grow up, as two White teenagers in one of the poorest areas of Madrid, with a Black Step-Dad and two mixed-race sisters. Even though they grew up in less favourable circumstances than my sister and I did, they both have achieved great things and have always shown unconditional love, kindness and guidance to me.
People should live in the same circumstances as those who they treat unequally, in order to truly understand that how they perceive others as lesser than can easily and quickly be applied to them too. I believe people lack life experience and genuine meaningful interactions with people that are completely different to them. Meaningful interactions could help to create empathy.
I feel very lucky to come from a mixed background, as it has given me life experiences and points of view that I would not have had otherwise, for example in terms of racism or willingness to try different types of food that are not ‘mainstream’ (e.g. only open to trying westernised Chinese food).
I have visited Ghana twice, as an adult. Both times it has been a great experience and it has been lovely to meet my other side of the family. It is exhausting, however, as many people, who I do not even understand the relation to, want to meet me and it takes away my time to go out and explore the country. I also found that the pace of life is much slower and people find it difficult to keep their commitments or the schedules, which irritates me as a Londoner with a high paced job in Law.
When I was young (6-7 years old) I did not understand the difference between myself and other non-mixed children around me, I felt no different to them; however, I did start to be reminded of it as I got older and racial abuse commenced. As incidents started happening I became aware that I was different and that it was okay to be different to most people around me. I now feel, more than ever, that although my race influences my life, it is not the main thing about me or my personality. I do believe that my outlook will evolve as I get older and meet new people with different experiences and have children who will be mixed to a certain extent. I feel my ethnic background is well represented in the media. Lately I notice that many adverts contain mixed Black and White families and there are many mixed-race women in the media.
Although I am not religious, I always celebrate Christmas either in Spain or in Ghana, as it is important to be surrounded by family. I also try to spend Easter in Spain, as it is a time full of culture and I make the traditional dishes that we eat during Easter.
I do not feel represented within corporations, either within senior positions or in the general workforce. As a mixed-race woman, sometimes I feel high pressure to out-perform everyone, to be the face of representation or to make it to a senior corporate position, even though that is not in line with my aspirations. It feels that I am betraying younger girls by denying them of a role model that looks like them and makes them feel like they could achieve the same if they wished.
I cried a week ago about the breakdown of a potential relationship I was exploring. I really appreciated the person as a friend and it was painful to let him go from my life.