Scottish/Irish | St Lucian
I identify as heterosexual and mixed-race; Black and White. My Mum is St. Lucian but was born in the UK. My Dad is Scottish and Irish, he was born in Scotland. My Mum needed a plumber to fix her boiler, so she went down to the plumbers merchant at the end of the road, they sent my Dad. He asked her out to dinner while he was on the job.
I didn’t grow up with my Dad so I wouldn’t say I’m that immersed in his culture which is a shame. All I know of it is what I’ve seen. When I was 18 I travelled to Ireland with my Mum and some family friends and that was a great experience. I hope to one day do the same with Scotland.
Growing up in a Black British, Christian household there were so many restrictions on what I could watch (The Simpsons was banned in my house), how I could dress, the places I was allowed to go to, the music I was allowed to listen to (I was a secret Eminem fan) and all aspects of my life. I have travelled to St. Lucia eight times with family and do feel connected to my culture, it is my home away from home and I’m so thankful to have that opportunity.
I’ve never dated anyone with the same mix as me. I have been fetishized a lot because of my mixed-race identity. Any partner I choose, I want to ensure that they’re culturally aware and educated, and not just dating me because I seem ‘exotic’ to them or I’m fairer skinned. I want someone to be with me because of who I am as a person and because we have the same values.
When I was in secondary school (in a predominantly White school) everyone in my friendship group were Black. I was teased for being half White and was almost ashamed of my paler skin, and that part of me because I was made to feel that way. I was told that I spoke differently and because I didn’t like certain foods due to personal preference, I was scolded for my half White heritage. I looked around at my White peers and didn’t want to be anything like them, feeling I had to choose one side or the other.
Fortunately my parents didn’t have any hassle from their family about being in an interracial relationship, both had been before and came from accepting families where it was common. I know this story isn’t common for most interracial couples in the 90s. Unfortunately my parents received prejudice from their wider community, particularly my Mum who was often thought of as my Nanny or carer due to my pale complexion and ambiguity as a baby. I think people are much more open to interracial couples now, but my experience has been living in London, I’m sure further out people might still stare at a mixed-race couple in the street.
The biggest challenge and positive I’ve faced is accepting all of myself and removing anyone from my life who doesn’t do the same. I no longer have friends that tease me because of my heritage, and I ensure to embrace and love all other cultures.
The way I identify has 100% changed growing up, it went from confusion, to denial, to acceptance, and fully embracing all that I am. I’m sure it will evolve as I have children, but I want to teach them to love all parts of themselves and never let anyone make them feel ashamed of who they are or where they come from.
I haven’t yet entered my career as I’ve just graduated but, in most places, I’ve worked in within the hospitality sector, I’m forever asked ‘what am I?’, or where I’m ‘really’ from. Especially from people who have immigrated from countries with less diversity. They’re confused how I have an English accent but Brown skin. It’s a question I answer differently depending on my mood that day and their tone. Sometimes I’m sarcastic and sometimes I can see it comes from an innocent place of curiosity.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn, I don’t think I’d change anything about myself or I wouldn’t be me. The grass is always greener on the other side, but I’m happy with who I am.
The lockdown has been hard, going for walks was helpful in the beginning but I was doing my dissertation for the first two months of the pandemic. So having to research and focus on something was really hard, but I submitted it and have officially finished my degree.
After the death of George Floyd there were times when I felt guilty for maybe not posting enough (in the beginning I didn’t want to because it felt aggressive and very political of which I’m neither), and then it got to the point where I wanted to share information and I found myself actually calling out anti-Whiteness amongst my Black followers. Being from a mixed background and being just as White as I am Black, I was in a unique position to do this whilst also still supporting the BLM movement. I felt it undermined all the White and non-Black people who were protesting and generally, I don’t believe change comes from a place of hate but rather a place of love.