Portuguese/Angolan | Portuguese/Angolan
I identify myself as a mixed-race Black, heterosexual woman. My parents both originate from Angola. They were born and raised there. My Mother was partly raised in Portugal too. Both of them are mixed. My Mother’s mixed heritage extends all the way to my Great-Grandparents. My Great-Grandmother was Black Angolan, and married my Great Grandfather who was White Portuguese. They had ten children and my mixed Grandmother was the last child, who had my Mother with my Black grandfather. On my Father’s side, his Mother is mixed Angolan and Father is White Portuguese. My parents first met when they were kids. My maternal Great-Grandmother raised my Father’s Mother who became orphaned. So my parents knew of each other, though they aren’t blood related. It was only years later at a party that they reconnected and started a romantic relationship.
I come from a big mixed extended family, which meant I could connect and identify with loads of cousins my own age, aunts and uncles who understood what being mixed-race is like. You can easily relate to one another and not feel othered. That experience growing up made me feel less alone and feel part of a unit. I don’t know if my background has already influence my poetry. Perhaps it could in the future. I am a fan of Portuguese and Angolan literature and can see it influencing my poetry in some way or form.
I don’t think I ever hid my identity. I was always proud to say where I was from, especially living in a multicultural city like London. As a young girl, I understood that I came from a mixed background but it was in secondary school that I was made to feel aware of being mixed-race and of my light complexion. I was picked on how I looked. I was bullied for not being Black enough. I realise now how much I internalised it. It’s why I always identified as Black, rather than mixed because I felt people wouldn’t embrace me as a mixed girl. Most times it made me feel quite isolated. It was only when I became an adult that I realised how harmful that was. To me, I belong in any community I feel embraced in where I can exist as I am, a mixed-race woman and be accepted as that.
I love that my mixed heritage includes two cultures, Portuguese and Angolan. Both have enriched my life and made me who I am today. It’s made me more open and curious to learn about other cultures. I love being bilingual too. Speaking Portuguese and English is something I consider a blessing to have.
I have visited both Portugal and Angola. Portugal has always been a frequent destination to travel to for the summer holidays, especially since I have some family living there. Going to the beach, eating out and spending time in the city of Lisbon were several of my favourite things to do. With Angola, I have only been three times. The last time I went was when I was twelve years old for my cousin’s wedding. It was an eye opening and enchanting experience to be in the humid climate, to see the sights, the smells. I felt connected and grounded to the culture, the festivities, the music, the dancing, the cuisine, as it was what I was raised with growing up in London.
I fully embraced both cultures growing up. I loved engaging with the traditions and customs. Having parents who share the same cultures makes it easier to connect with them. The family dynamics is a lot smoother because they both share the same values and cultural norms. Growing up in London since the age of two, British culture as well as my Portuguese/Angolan culture has been a dominant part of my life. As much as I embrace all of them, I think it’s important to always feel tied to my heritage. I don’t want to lose the connection I have with Angola and Portugal. If anything, I feel a much stronger connection now with my heritage than I did when I was younger. I believe I need to give credit to my Mother for that. My Mother instilled in me and my twin sister, to have pride in where you come from and carry it with you as you make your way through life. The love I have for my heritage comes through her.
I believe here in the UK attitudes have changed slightly towards mixed people compared to when they were a few decades ago. However, I have had a few of racist and xenophobic experiences throughout my life, especially micro aggressions in school and in the workplace.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would happily return as myself. I love who I am. I love my mixed heritage; I feel it’s something to be celebrated.
My wellbeing was something I didn’t realise I needed to focus on. Pre-pandemic I wasn’t looking after myself the way I do now. I’ve learned to listen to my body when it needs rest and when it needs be proactive. I journal almost every day, I try to implement a healthy mind-set, I exercise more often, I am eating better and sleeping more hours. Also, speaking with friends and family, maintaining human interaction during all these lockdowns was vital for my mental health.
The global protest was something that lit a fire in me to speak out, I even wrote a blog on it. It felt empowering to be uniting with everyone around the world for this one cause, for the Black Lives Matter movement. It was such a ground-breaking moment. I understood the rage and frustration for justice and equality within our community. As a mixed Black woman, I felt saddened and heartbroken by the racial inequality and brutality Black people were experiencing in America and everywhere else in the world. We’ve made significant changes so far. I hope we can continue to keep the progress going towards ending racial inequality.