Polish | Nigerian
I identify as mixed-race, Christian & straight. My Mum is Polish, and my Dad is Nigerian. They met when they were students at the Technical University of Lodz in Poland. My Dad was an international student there. Unfortunately, my Dad went back to Nigeria when I was very young. We stayed behind, in Poland. I grew up in Poland, without any connection to Africa I don’t think it was due to the cultural differences though. I don’t actually know the ins and outs of why my parents separated. Having said that, I think they managed the cultural aspect well when they were together. They’re still friends now. I have to acknowledge my Polish Grandparents here; they embraced my Father, my sister and me. Our skin colour meant nothing to them, that level of tolerance was unusual in those days. My Grandma is still alive today. She is 83 and continues to embrace people of all ethnic backgrounds (incl. my husband who’s from Ghana). My Mum was raised in a very accepting environment. That must have helped.
As previously mentioned, my Polish family was unusually tolerant (their peers probably not so much). My husband of 12 years is from Ghana, so I guess I’ve embraced my Mum’s and her parents’ views. I grew up with my Polish Grandparents. Once, I posted a picture of my Mum, Dad and me (from back in the day – when I was three years old). Someone shared it, and one lady commented: ‘Not location, not race and not the skin colour make the basis of a friendship or love but the heart and soul’. I couldn’t say it better.
I grew up in Poland, without any connection to Africa. And yet, I fell in love with and married a Ghanaian man who I met in London. I guess I can say that my culture didn’t affect my choice in partner.
I see my mixed-race experience as mostly positive. I enjoy mingling with people from different backgrounds and the more I do the more I notice that we all want the same things; to be loved and happy. Any prejudice, based on whatever differences, comes from fear and/or misunderstanding of ‘the other’. Being deeply acquainted with two or even three different cultures lets you see that more clearly. That’s what I love about being mixed-race. Having said that, I think one doesn’t have to be mixed to ‘see another’, just open to different people from different backgrounds.
I love to see faces of Polish people, who don’t know me, when I begin speaking our language. Quite often, their eyes go wide, and I can tell that they need a moment to take it in. Being Polish/Nigerian has its funny moments. Having said that, London is such a melting pot. I think Londoners have seen it all or just about.
It makes me sad when derogatory comments are made by one group about the other, in front of me. When I’m with Polish people they forget that I’m Black because I’m fluent in Polish and relatively light-skinned. When I’m with Black people (not Nigerians necessarily) it’s the same. People forget that I’m White as well as Black. Folks feel free to say things (to me or in front of me) that they wouldn’t dare say if they had ‘the other’ in their midst. Once, a friend said something thoughtless and I reacted. So then, she said, ‘oh, I forgot you’re one of them’. One of them? What does that even mean? I hate the ‘us vs. them’ talks. They break my heart. Thankfully, people who are close to me are reasonable and these things don’t happen often. When they do though, I quickly try to draw a line reminding them that I don’t take sides. I refuse to judge people by their race, or culture. I pray to be able to judge them fairly; by what they do individually and not by who they are collectively. I’m sure I don’t always get it a 100% right either.
When I was 18, I came to London, to visit my Nigerian family, for the first time. Prior to that, Poland was all I knew. My dad lives in America now, so I haven’t been to Nigeria yet. I hope to go there soon. When I moved here permanently, I started spending a lot of time with Black Africans, to make up for the lost time. Then, I met my husband, so naturally the African flavour became a part of my every-day life. At the beginning, I used to work as a journalist for various UK based newspapers and magazines. Mostly Afro or Black community centric. I wanted to learn as much as I could about the Black history. And I did, especially while working for ‘Black Heritage Today’ magazine, founded by Barbara Campbell, an editor and journalist who had previously worked for ‘The Voice’ newspaper. I try to read books by Nigerian authors. One of my favourites is ‘Half of the Yellow Sun’ by Chimamanda Ngozi. The following quote comes from that book, ‘If the sun refuses to rise we will make it rise’. I think this quote encompasses a very Nigerian trait i.e. ‘never give up, never surrender’. I read books by Polish authors too. The other day, I took my husband to a Polish jazz concert. Then, I took my daughter to one. I try to teach my children Polish too. As of now, one of them is fluent.
All in all, I enjoy diversity. At this time, I feel like my Nigerian/Polish experience is a little more balanced, hence I don’t try to force things too much. If something Nigerian or Polish comes to my attention, I try to find out more out of respect for the people. Having said that, I see myself as a citizen of the world. London is such a cosmopolitan city. I see no reason to limit myself to a strictly Polish/Nigerian experience.
Growing up, I enjoyed looking different. I used to iron my hair though (with a real iron) which I don’t do anymore. Psychologically I knew I was different than my Polish peers, but I don’t think I fully understood why. There was no mixed-race category there, in those days. Poland’s almost a 100% Caucasian, so issues of race were never at the forefront of debates or school curriculums, etc. In London, I lived with my Nigerian family at first. That was when this whole new world opened up to me. I became exposed to so many things that weren’t there before. Naturally, my outlook did change because I got to ‘meet’ the other side of me. Plus, I moved to London as a young adult. So, the new adult themes as well as ‘lessons’ about the Nigerian me got interwoven together. I think my outlook will continue to change because we learn every day. Although, at its core, it might not change that much.
I’ve been self-employed for over a year now. However, prior to that, I have worked for small, medium and global organisations. Personally, I cannot remember being discriminated against based on my ethnicity or gender, etc. I’ve always felt that I had what I needed to do whatever I was there to do. If not, I’d normally ask for it. If I felt that something wasn’t quite right, I’d address it, while trying not to jump into conclusions. If I’m not valued in one environment for whatever reason (which has happened before) I’d address it once, twice, maybe thrice. If that doesn’t work, however, I’ll move on to where I am appreciated. That being said, in May, I participated in a debate on racial inequality in the corporate world. It was at a book launch, by a British/Nigerian author, that took place at the Houses of Parliament. The debate changed my outlook on racial equality at the workplace. I listened to other peoples’ stories. There is no smoke without fire. Plus, statistics don’t lie. I think it’s important to continue discussing these issues but in a constructive way so we can find solutions rather than add fuel to the fire. I think we should also learn to support each other in our own respective communities.
In the Christian faith, the term reborn describes not physical but the spiritual re-birth. On that note, I believe in God and that I was created, in this body, for such a time as this. I believe that my time and place of birth were not accidental. I wouldn’t dare to challenge.