Italian | Colombian
The lack of structure during the pandemic has really affected me. It was very difficult to schedule meals, exercise, painting, anything. All of a sudden my bedroom became the place where I was working, creating and sleeping. I tried to keep a journal but it did not go well. I did what I do best; think and paint. I started working on a collection about belonging in order to understand where I come from and the places that I felt I belonged to, so that I could feel a connection to those places, despite being in my own bedroom, while painting I was not there anymore. I was by the sea, in Colombia, in Soho, walking at night around London.
My sense of self often felt shattered, misunderstood, confusing. But the moment I embraced who I am, accepted myself and understood where I come from, I was able to free myself from any prejudice and unworthiness. I understood that because of moving so much, I adapt to everything very quickly. I'm not afraid to do things that others might find challenging and I'm not afraid to fail at all. I am made of so many different things, parts, cultures and that I don't have to be one thing.
I had to hide my anxiety and eating disorder constantly because of the stigma until I said ‘no more, I accept myself, I love myself and this is my journey. I don't need anyone's approval. In terms of being half Italian/half Colombian I never hid it because since I was a child my Mother taught me to be proud of where I come from and despite all the bullying, I never hid it.
My Mother had it very tough. In Italy people were very racist and said/did awful things to my Mother. Back in Colombia, my Grandfather was Black and my Grandmother was not, my Mother told me that it was very hard for them and for people to accept that they were a couple. When it comes to me, I often felt I was a fetish rather than a human being. Men often told me that I am the kind of girl they look for when watching porn, the exotic type (I hate that world). However, I still think that I am having way less problems than the ones my Mother or Grandfather had, still, there are a lot of challenges for interracial couples.
BELONGING
Belonging is one of the most important human experiences and fundamental for our identity. I started researching what belonging means and how important it is. The feeling of belonging, wanting to fit in, find your place, people and roots.
My new collection explores the theme of belonging in relation to people, places and things. It’s an intimate and vulnerable collection.
Researching I found that belonging is a defining need for our identity which helps coping with intense emotions, shapes our social identity, the idea of self, health and so much more. Belonging is one of the most important human experiences and needs alongside Love.
When I started this collection about belonging I had to think a lot about what does it mean to me being mixed race, what culture, country, religion, language do I belong to? What places really have impacted me and how does my heritage affect my identity?
I often felt I did not belong to one or the other. I felt that I belonged to all them and none at the same time. It was confusing, but once I understood and accepted that many people have the same experience and my adaptability and resilience also stems from being mixed I was able to love myself even more. It was very powerful to reflect on it because I was able to embrace fully who I am and stop taking for granted my heritage. All these places, cultures, languages make me who I am and I found my home, in my body.
I spent most of my childhood in different places around the world, my father was a business traveler and so we followed him everywhere. I remember vivid images of small houses in the desert, a cottage in Tunisia, my little dog in Ecuador, the cold of Denmark and lots of parks. Our base was in Cogoleto, a small town on the Ligurian Riviera in Italy. I spent the days admiring the sea in its immensity above the hill. My mom is Colombian and every winter or summer we went there for a month. After my parents' divorce, my mom met someone and so we moved, my heart was broken. After many years of battles, misunderstandings, I decided to move to London. Place where I live and create.
The piece I am sending you today is that I belong deeply to myself. “I belong deeply to myself” is a painting about finding yourself, loving yourself and finally experiencing a deep sense of belonging in your own body. You are all you have. You come to this world with this body and it’s the only one. Look after yourself because no one will ever do it like you do. Embrace who you are and your roots. I did this painting because I needed to remind myself that I did not have a fixed home or a place that I felt I belonged; therefore I made my own body my home. I chose colours using color theory and color psychology, listening to empowering music in order to evoke intense emotions.
@inteseartalessia
www.alessiacamoirano.com
Want to read more? Subscribe here #mixedracefaces