Indian/Jamaican | Unknown
My Mum is Indian and Jamaican. I was born via In vitro fertilisation so my Mum is not exactly sure where the donor is from but it’s suspected he is Trinidadian or Chinese. My Mum really wanted another baby after she had my sister, the man she was married to was unable to have children so they opted for fertility treatment. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t work out but my Mum is amazing, she raised two girls on her own, whilst working round the clock to make sure we had all the things we could ever want.
My family mostly taught me about my Jamaican heritage, my Nan was Indian and raised in Jamaica, where she met my Grandad. My Nan was beautiful and very caring; but she didn’t teach me much about Indian and Hindu traditions, so I have struggled to feel connected to my Indian heritage. Both my Grandparents upheld mostly Jamaican traditions, especially when it came to food, which was my favourite part! I wish I learnt more about Indian culture when I was younger but I am hoping to visit after the pandemic and learn more.
Up until the age of 13 I didn’t know my full ethnicity, I thought I was just Black. It wasn’t until my Mum properly explained where my Grandparents were from and that my biological Father was also Asian that was when I became aware of my mixed-race heritage. It really knocked my confidence, I didn’t know where I fit in society, especially going to a predominately White school, there wasn’t anyone who looked like me or who was in my situation, looking back I think it made me quite isolated for a while. On the other hand, as a child, I lacked an understanding of my privilege. When going to my predominately White school, having straighter hair and Asian features allowed me to float seamlessly between different racial groups and never feel left out. When I left school and started to attend a predominantly Black college, I started to get a lot of questions about my race and found it harder to fit in. I was often asked if I saw myself as actually Black, and why my hair was not of afro texture, and why I sounded like a White girl.
However, I was also labelled as ‘foreign’ and told I was interesting to look at, it was a time where women of Asian and Black heritage were being fetishized more in music/media. It was a really confusing time for me but It forced me to acknowledge my race and stop being so passive, it helped me to own who I was, instead of allowing people to tell me who I am. The older I have become, the more confident I am in my mixed heritage and it's one of my favourite things about me. I am currently on a journey to find out a bit more about my biological Father's heritage, I hope that finding out more about him will help me feel more comfortable in my racial identity, everyone deserves to know their roots.
I know my Grandparents were really keen for my Mum to marry someone of mixed heritage or Indian. I think at the time Jamaican men did not have the best reputation for being faithful. My Mum never inflicted those viewpoints onto me and just wanted me to be happy. I am lucky enough to have found that with my partner who is Zimbabwean and Nigerian. The only thing that matters to me is morals and values. I think interracial couples are amazing, having a melting pot of cultures is something to be celebrated. Blending your cultures and values to create your own within your family is authentic and I wish it was more normalised especially in London, which is home to one of the most ethnically diverse populations in the world.
The main positive I have encountered, is being able to connect and relate to other minority groups who often feel left out. This has given me the opportunity to learn about different cultures and their lived experiences in Britain. I’ve heard stories of discrimination but also of many cultures building their own support groups and communities; these authentic stories have helped me to become more empathetic, open and aware of the different hurdles that people encounter because they’re not White.
I often go to Jamaica and visit my Grandma’s family who reside there. My Mum was also born in Jamaica and lived there until she was 8 years old, learning about what it was like for my Grandma and Grandad as young parents, visiting places they enjoyed and listening to stories about how my Grandma’s family travelled from Kolkata to Jamaica really helped me feel more connected to my Indian and Jamaican heritage. I do have plans to visit Kolkata too and learn more about the cultural customs. Additionally, once I learn more about where my biological Father is specifically from, it would be great to visit that country and build a connection to the other half of my heritage.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would definitely return as myself, I love having a melting pot of cultures despite the battles I have had with my own identity. I wouldn't change it as it allowed me to become more sensitive, understanding and connect with individuals who don’t fit into the norms of society.
During the pandemic I have been trying my best to keep to a routine. I run once a week and exercise 4 days a week, it really helps me to stay focused and energised throughout the day. I have also been practicing the Miracle Morning Mantra, I learnt about it from reading ‘Think Like a Monk’ by Jay Shetty. I’ve been getting up at 5:30am every day to meditate and read affirmations which has really helped me to have a positive mindset.
To tackle racial inequality we need representation in all industries, open conversations around colourism and an overhaul of our societal structures. For example I work in journalism and podcasting and there are barely any mixed Asian and Jamaican heritage women in senior positions at well-known broadcast media companies. There are so many talented journalists, broadcasters and podcasters of colour that never reach their full potential due to them not being employed in senior positions, or not being able to tell the stories that they think are important as they may not appeal to a mass audience. It reinforces the rhetoric that as a person of colour it’s not enough to just have talent, you need copious amounts of luck and resilience to get to the top of the career ladder.