Indian | German/Indian
I usually just identify as mixed-race, as it is easier than giving an explanation. However, I am Indian and German, though my family have lived in Kenya for generations, creating a strong cultural connection to Kenya. For me, art has always been a place of refuge during stressful situations. Keeping a sketchbook and regularly producing pieces for this has allowed me to have something to do that feels productive while also being a relaxing activity.
Although rather unforeseen, I believe that this recent period of global protest is a necessary step in our pursuit of equality: the murder of George Floyd and the subsequent discussion of race and racial issues in the media has created an ‘enlightenment’ period, encouraging people of all races to confront racism amongst their friends and family members, question their own attitudes, and realise the extent to which racism is a systemic issue, permeating many global institutions.
However, irrespective of its importance, the process has been fairly overwhelming. The role of social media in this movement has been essential for the spread of information; however, the presentation of these issues through a factual, statistical lens can be desensitising, and there is little space for these issues to be considered in a capacity that exceeds the informative. Being surrounded by this information 24/7 can also be difficult for people who have been directly affected by racism.
My Mother, like me, is mixed-race. My maternal Grandmother is German and my Grandfather is Indian, but my Mother was born and grew up in Kenya as her Father had lived there since the early 50s. My Father is Indian. His Father was born in Kenya and his Mother moved there from India at an early age. Though born in the UK, he also grew up in Kenya. They moved to the UK for university and met when my Mother was 14 and my father was 15 through my mother’s cousin in Kenya. Their relationship became serious when they were at university in London.
As my parents had both their Indian heritage and their Kenyan childhoods in common, they had many cultural similarities; both families had socialised and lived largely within the Indian community in Nairobi, so my parents had fairly similar upbringings. My ‘Oma (my German maternal Grandmother) has always wanted the family to maintain their connection with Germany, and we visit our family there regularly, as did my Mother when she was younger. However, she also learnt to cook Indian food and to speak a little bit of Gujarati when she married my Grandfather, to help immerse my Mother and her brothers in Indian culture. She also wanted the family to be immersed in Kenyan/Swahili culture, particularly through music, for them to feel connected to the social atmosphere in which they were growing up.
Although my parents have lived in London since studying at university, they have always made a conscious effort to involve me and my sister in all the cultures which they experienced as children, particularly through food and music, as well as other cultures through travel.
As my family is fairly diverse and my parents are open-minded, there is little pressure on me to marry someone of a similar background. However, in terms of my own feeling, I think it would be easier to have a partner with some level of understanding about the issues I have faced as a result of my mixed-race heritage, though they would not have to be mixed themselves.
As a child, I would distance myself from the Indian aspects of my heritage to try and ‘fit in’; anything that othered me from my White classmates became a source of shame. However, I soon realised that my multiculturality should instead be a source of pride; my mixed-race identity should not limit me and I should not have to disregard aspects of one culture to feel part of another. Within my family, unlike many Indian and South Asian families, there is a certain level of tolerance, even in my Grandparents’ generation, because of the interracial marriage between my Mother’s parents.
However, something that must change within my generation is the prejudice towards Muslims and Black people harboured by a lot of Indians: although this is never addressed directly by my family, there is undeniably a taboo surrounding these relationships, as suggested by the fact that I have no Muslim or Black family members.
The main positive for me is the chance I’ve had to experience several different cultures and the traditions that belong to each: having the opportunity to learn about Kenyan, Indian, and German culture has helped me form a stronger sense of my own identity.
One difficulty I encounter often is having to explain the strength of my connection to Kenya. As my extended family live there, and we visit every year, my connection to my Indian heritage has always been through Kenya. This links with my feeling of never being ‘Indian’ enough. New traditions have replaced Indian/Hindu customs within my family as a result of our immigration to Kenya, and my parents immigration to the UK.
Another challenge has been the impacts of the lack of diversity in Western media. The media’s interpretation of ‘mixed-race’ is narrow and alienating, featuring tall, thin models with fairer skin and perfect curls. This contributes to the general perception of beauty as relative to race. Tinder interactions that begin with ‘so where are you from?’, ‘what mix are you?’, or calling me ‘foreign’ or ‘exotic’ are inevitable. These microaggressions, partly the result of underrepresentation in Western media, further alienate me from Eurocentric standards of beauty and can easily impact my self-perception.
The country I have the greatest connection to is Kenya, and we try to go regularly to see our family who live there. We visited India once, in 2017, as my parents wanted to expose me and my sister to the lifestyle; however, we did not visit Gujarat, where my Indian family originate from, so to us it felt more like a touristy visit. We visit the village in Germany where our family live every few summers, and it’s nice to get involved in the family traditions, especially those involving cake.
As I have grown up, tolerance, as well as media representation (to some extent) of non-White people, has undoubtedly improved, and this has greatly influenced my self-perception. While I used to perceive myself as alien and hide the aspects of myself and my culture that used to distance me from my friends, I can now appreciate the multicultural nature of London and see my place in it.
However, there is still a sense that, due to my split sense of self as well as my alienation from Indian culture, I am not ‘enough’. I cannot be as “Indian” as someone who is Indian, and I am not White because I am Indian. I hope that this discomfort will shift as I get older, as I become prouder of my identity and learn more about my various cultures.
Although the University of Cambridge as an institution is not free of prejudice, there are so many organisations and societies run by students, such as Untangling the Knot and FUSE, which provide a safe space for students of colour. These groups function not only in a proactive sense, to discuss the issues faced by these students, but also act as social spaces, allowing you to meet a diverse group of people.
As I think it is fundamental to strike a balance between surrounding yourself with people you relate to and diversifying your friendship circle to achieve a greater understanding of the lives and experiences of different people, I think groups like these are very supportive spaces.
It’s rather cliché, but I would not change anything about my identity: the parts which I used to try to disguise have become my favourites and I am glad to be a part of so many diverse cultures.