German/South African/ Scottish/Mozambican/Argentinian/Mexican | Senegalese

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If I was holding a flag, I'd put the whole world on it. It's through traveling I created this idea in my head that all people are connected in some way. If you think about historical geography and colonialism, how certain folks ended up being born into another country being dragged out of their own home town from one place to another.

At the age of about 5 I remember telling my Mother ‘how can there be a God with all this cruelty happening in the world!?’. I remember having this feeling of being helpless. As a child I imagined how we could help the poor in the world: ‘we could print out more money or copy it and spread it around to all poor people…’. In my family there's a mix of beliefs Christianity, Muslim...etc. I believe in energy flow and the universe, who some may symbolize as God.

Heteroflexible; a term I found on a dating app which I found sounded quite amusing. For former studies I had to write an essay about gender development in early years, where I learned that sexuality can change over time. Which is why I wouldn't say I'm strictly straight. This way I leave it open because.. well.. you never know what could happen next 

During covid I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. At times in my life I deal with anxiety, PTSD and depression. Life feels like a roller coaster full of highs and lows. It has affected my life in many ways. Only a few months before the pandemic I had just moved from Berlin to London. I had planned to start a new chapter in my life and was about to build a new social circle of friends. I'd gone to events etc. 

When the pandemic hit I felt like I was locked up in a cage. I'd been living in a house with toxic flatmates. A while later I had been dating someone who also turned out to be a toxic partner. Reflecting the whole situation I realize how lonely I felt in London using my boyfriend as an escape from my flatmates, maybe even from life. If the pandemic had never happened I would have broken up with my boyfriend before as dating would have been easier then. I was never the type of person who wasn't able to be alone so this was a first timer for me. 

I had episodes of looking for a new job. The first work place I was dealing with racism so I ended that, and was being furloughed etc. 

I decided to start counseling to cope with all the things I was dealing with. This helped me in a lot of ways:

- I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend 

- I was able to move out for a short period of time away from my toxic flatmates who I had to deal with for 2 years 

- I felt inspired to create my own music studio at home 

- And now I'm starting to change my career path into starting a new business as a nlp coach 

The pandemic was my beautiful nightmare is what I would call it. I'm glad I managed to pass this test.

My parents met at a German language school in Germany. My Father hardly ever was there. My Mother gave birth to me very young when she was 19 years old. My parents were together and separated multiple times.

All I can remember from my childhood times is, the times my Father would bring me to his Senegalese family I would eat Senegalese food, maybe even get my hair braided. At home we weren't allowed to eat pork as my Father is Muslim. As a child I wasn't explained why we weren't allowed to eat pork and at the time I didn't know much about the Islam. I remember at school I would eat pork on purpose and ended up having a stomach ache. That was weird. Though now and then I might eat some bacon and I'll be fine. 

Living in Berlin my parents would speak English to each other. My Father speaks multiple languages though I think my Mother wasn't able to speak good German yet. My parents traveled to Senegal together with my young baby brother at the time. I myself have never been to Senegal but I do plan to go there. 

A personal challenge I am dealing with at the moment is my job situation. I found a job but I haven't been able to start it yet as the on boarding process is taking longer than expected. It's been a month now or even longer so I've started mini jobs here and there but it doesn't cover the costs I need, and it's delaying the goals I plan to achieve. I've learned to accept my situation especially because I know I partly brought myself into this situation. It gives me hope to know that times will be better even though I don't see it just yet.

Out of my family I do see my Grandmother partly as a role model but there are a lot of things where I gather my inspiration from other people in order to succeed in certain things in life. This could be through social media, books, podcasts etc. 

I feel we need to create and re-create new words to avoid provoking, encouraging racial inequality. Language always changes and progresses in ways where people try to find words that will make others feel included and respected. Words we use today may not be useful/PC to use in a few years time. 

Although I'm aware that words like 'people of color' or 'mixed-race' are often used to describe the black community or people with mixed backgrounds, nevertheless I personally don't agree with these word terminologies and don't find them useful to use for myself.

To explain: 

- Mixed race; for one race doesn't exist. In Germany it is well-known that this word race isn't PC, especially due to German history.

‘The concept of ‘race’ emerged in the 1600s with the trans-Atlantic slave trade, justifying slavery; it has been used to justify exploitation, denigration and decimation.’

 It's an invented word that was used in history to separate people from each other. 

‘Race does not exist as a matter of biological fact, but only as a consequence of a process of racialisation.’

 - The same goes for ‘people of color’ or ‘colored people’ a word which has existed since the 18th century and was used during slavery.

‘Person’ or ‘people’ as a term for human beings, that's pretty much uncontroversial. But color — which can be used as a noun, an adjective or a verb (transitive and intransitive) — is a word packed with history, prejudice and confusion when it's used to describe someone's complexion as an indication of race or ethnicity.

As a child I typically learned numbers, abc's and colors. Learning what the color Black is or Brown, I, as a child would never understand why a human being would be called Black..but this was me a child being literal about what I had learned at school. I'd look at my skin and say that looks Brown to me. Being raised in Berlin Germany back in the days they used a color and called it ‘Hautfarbe’ which means skin color. It was a kind of light peach color we children would use making the people in the picture look White. I'd draw a portrait of myself using this color drawing a person that didn't look skin color wise like me at all. As a naive child I didn't think much about it, having teachers educate us this way. The older I got the more I realized that this wasn't PC. So I learned to educate children in Germany at nurseries and actually educated them what colors they were using or would question them asking them why they would call this skin color. Quickly they would realize being aware of their surroundings etc. Nowadays you'll find nurseries with all kinds of dolls with different colors and stories from around the world. This is important!

I feel like this topic strongly needs to be brought up in Education: nurseries, schools...etc. Seeing stories like Black Panther, Aladdin or The Little Mermaid...It makes me think I wish those stories existed in my childhood. I felt like I was missing empowering books and stories. I don't remember discussing stories or books from Black authors nor do I remember being able to reflect myself in any of the fairy tales. I feel there should be seminars about this topic so people even in work spaces are confronted and educated about this topic. I remember a German colleague asking me what racism even is?! As he didn't understand why I was explaining the the colleges were being racist towards me.

Explaining where I come from and having people dictate where I come from. Learning to set boundaries in how much detail I share about myself and confronting people if I feel they're being disrespectful, and not being scared to do so. I feel people need to be made aware. I've learned through life and work experience a lot of people tend to keep their mouth shut. I've had enough of that attitude Im more for moral courage.

I was born in Berlin and grew up in London. Originally I had planned to visit Senegal in June 2020 but then covid happened. I feel traveling to Senegal will be quite emotional and overwhelming as I don't really know the family that well from my Father's side. Also my Grandfather died when my Mother was about 16 so I don't really have any family there that I know I could visit. l I felt like I was finally ready to visit both countries. I'm planning to fly hopefully this year instead. I feel like these journey’s will be of significance as I believe that I carry certain personality traits from these countries as well. It's in my DNA! I'm not a typical German, I’m a complex mix of it all. 

During the pandemic I was able to travel to Scotland. I loved it there, the people were very welcoming and friendly to me and I loved the green nature as well. I feel I learn a lot about myself everyday especially when I travel. I find it very interesting how people perceive me and how I learn to perceive myself. I feel like a rainbow. I've met people in my life especially in Germany who would seem so fascinated about my background as if I was some sort of Alien not so much acknowledging their own background. ‘I'm just German, nothing interesting’. For me I've discovered a lot of culture in Germany. South Germany is different from the North. The mentality is so different.. .but it's funny how some people look down on themselves thinking they're not as significant or less interesting. 

I feel work wise a lot of the times why I got a job was only so my work space could enjoy a great representation of themselves claiming ‘oh look we have a Black person working for us, we're open minded and diverse’. A lot of times it was hard for me to say if I was taken because I was qualified or if they actually just wanted to make sure they maintain a good picture outside, this was usually the case in Germany and also in a German nursery in London.

I think the last time I cried was at the end of last year when I visited my family in Berlin. I visited my Mother who is mentally ill and very challenging to deal with at times. She's emotionally draining but on her good days she can be fun and good company. .On the day I visited her she didn't have a good day. I left within 30 minutes and spoke to my Grandmother about the situation. I remember crying, not really because of my Mother, but for the fact that I wasn't able to see my younger brother on my own terms. You need to know my brother is diagnosed with muscular dystrophy which means he's in a wheelchair and loses strength of his own muscles. Unfortunately I don't get to see my brother much and usually If I want to see him it's usually only through the door of my Mother. My Mother has created this symbiotic bond to him where not even he is bothered to go outside, the house is a mess, he's not able to get out of the house by himself, though he could if the space was the and the rooms were wheelchair friendly. My Grandmother manages to find a way to meet my brother in peace. I took him to a doctor's appointment and we went to a restaurant. Seeing my young brother who had grown into a man having a beard I was shocked to see how different he looked, nearly as if he was a stranger. In that short time I recognised my brother again. I wish I could spend more time with him but such is life.