English/Irish | Jamaican
My Mum was born in England to English and Irish parents. My Dad was born in England to Jamaican parents. They met on a night out through mutual friends, however realised that they had lived a street apart for their childhood.
Growing up I didn’t make a conscious effort to engage or disengage with my cultural backgrounds. I had a positive upbringing and rarely received overt racism (though my brother did). I know better understand concepts such as microaggressions and looking back, these types of situations did occur. Now I make a conscious effort to engage with all my cultural backgrounds. I now understand that being mixed-race is a huge part of who I am, and I make sure I include this when I reflect on situations and behaviours (mine and society's).
Growing up, it was like other mixed-race girls (with Black/White mix) were competition. When going out, we were always compared, and depending on who they were, this would bring us closer together (we enjoyed the attention of being a pair of mixed-race girls), or we would avoid each other.
We all know that racial inequality is systematic, and that will take many years to change. But I would like to see more steps taken within schools and the healthcare system. We need more allies, and for people to recognise that by being friends with someone who is Black, or even having a Black spouse for example, it doesn’t make you an ally. I have also thought about this being mixed-race, and I know I need to take further steps to ensure that I am using my privileges to better society for others.
A recent ongoing challenge I am dealing with is regarding my White passing three-year-old daughter Olive. Her Dad is White Irish heritage and she takes after him in looks (though me personality wise). Since she was born, I am constantly asked whether she is my daughter, with a lot of people assuming I am her nanny. It is pretty draining explaining to people how genes work, and frustrating that people feel the need to even ask in the first place. I now try to laugh it off and say she takes after Dad, but I do worry how Olive will feel. I am raising her to be proud of being mixed-race, whether others think she ‘looks it’ or not, as well as for her to learn to use her privileges that comes with having lighter skin for good.
The last time I cried was when England lost to penalties in the Euros. I was on a work call on Monday morning and just couldn’t hold it in. All I could see were the faces of Rashford, Saka, and Sancho and thinking how could so many people be so rotten inside that they felt the abuse they were sprouting was ok. I also didn’t like the fact that a lot of points on social media were made about all the good that they do e.g. free school meals, but to me that is irrelevant. No one deserves the abuse those three role models received.
In a positive way, I have noticed changes in that there are more products available for mixed-race people e.g. makeup in the right skin tones and hair products. Before it could often feel like, because we weren’t one or the other e.g. White or Black, we were a bit of an anomaly and people almost didn’t know what to do with us!
In a negative way, society will always come up with different ways to judge people, and I recently had an interesting conversation with a Black friend with a White husband, about how apparently there is a right way to be mixed-race i.e. with parents the ‘right way round’; a White Dad and a Black Mum, due to the negative stereotypes there are about Black men. I do hope though as our collective voices get louder, attitudes will continue to change in positive ways.
The COVID pandemic has actually not had a huge negative affect on my life and I know I am very lucky to be able to say that. No one close to me got very sick, I managed to save money and actually kicked started an exercise regime.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would return the same ,but with a little more willpower and patience. This would allow me to use the knowledge I have gained to make bigger changes earlier on in my life.