English | Thai
My parents met in London after my Dad had moved to the UK at the age of 21. They were next door neighbours and were introduced by a mutual friend. My Dad couldn't speak English very well and my Mum couldn't speak Thai, but they managed to make it work despite the language barrier. I've never faced discrimination in my own family, but my parents both initially faced difficulties by marrying people outside of their race.
As a gay man, I'm used to my full identity not being initially visible or obvious to others. I've learnt to embrace all parts of myself, but the experience of continuously having to 'come out' as gay to new people in life has parallels to having to explain my heritage to people to whom it is not obvious.
Growing up in London, I didn't even realise being mixed-race was anything notable. I had so many friends of different ethnicities, and within my own family, every single one of my cousins was a mixed-race with links to Thailand, The Philippines, The Caribbean, Spain and England. I first became aware of being 'othered' when I went to visit universities as a teenager, and suddenly realised I was the only mixed-race person in the room. It was a strange feeling, and the first time I felt the question 'where are you from?' meant 'why are you not fully White?' rather than being inquisitive about my background. I don't think society has moved on, I think the rest of the country has caught up with London.
Most of my Thai family immigrated to England, however my Dad is the youngest of seven children and so many relatives and cousins are significantly older than me. There is a language barrier between me and my relatives still in Thailand, which can make me feel separated from my family in age, distance and meaningful connection.
I've been described as ethnically ambiguous, being mistaken for being Mexican, Moroccan, Spanish, Brazilian and Turkish. In some ways I like that part of myself, it's like a key to be able to fit in with other people from around the world and it's made me more open to learn about other cultures and people.
Being ethnically ambiguous having an accent from London, I can be mistaken for being fully White, especially in a work setting where you have meetings online. Where I work, they have admirably tried to make recruitment practices fairer and remove unconscious biases by ensuring there are diverse interview panels when advertising a role. I was recently recruiting for a position in my team and I was told by HR that I couldn't conduct all of the interviews as they needed 'more diversity'. It was at that moment that I realised how actions to promote diversity and inclusion can inadvertently have the opposite effect. I felt that my identity had been invalidated for not being visibly diverse enough, and it made me question how often someone needs to re-state all parts of their identity publicly.
I've always felt connected to Thailand, despite not speaking the language. It's something I'm proud of and am happy to share that side of myself. A few years ago my sister and I were really excited when we went on our first trip to Thailand without our family and explored parts of the country we have a connection to. I should have expected it, but we kept overhearing 'falang', the Thai word for foreigner and always had to insist that we were both Thai when local people asked. It was harmless in the long run, but moments like that make you question how strong the links to your heritage are.
As I can't speak Thai, I connect with my culture through food and learning to cook different types of Thai cuisine. London has such a diverse food scene which means it's so easy to try more authentic dishes than other parts of the world.