English | Nigerian
My Mum is English and Dad is Nigerian. Although they both raised my brother and I, ultimately, I lived with my Mum, so we have a closer connection. My Mother has been a consistent role model for me, instilling in me the confidence to focus on my personal journey and to not let comparison steal my joy. My parents divorced when I was young which in my opinion impacted upon the combining of cultures and I lived with my Mother and brother. My parents were strict and focused on the importance of education. I would describe a loose cultural influence, in that we would eat cultural food, go to hall parties, and spend time with family. However, the values instilled by my parents are important to me, as I continue throughout adulthood, I’ve taught myself about my cultural origin and hope to combine what I’ve learnt from my parents with my own new traditions. To really understand my culture, I can help but think about how important it is for me to visit Nigeria.
The perception of mixed heritage from others raises challenges in my experience. A moment that has stuck in my mind is a parent’s evening at secondary school where my teacher just had a look of surprise on her face as my Mother and I walked over to her for the meeting. I always remember how uncomfortable it made me feel as my Mum and I walked away. Some perceptions are verbalised whilst others are not. Conversations that I have had with people after telling them that I am of mixed heritage has often led to my identity being challenged by others. People have tended to question mixed heritage and over time, I started to gauge the kind of questions that would be asked, usually they were along the lines of ‘Are you closer to your White or Black side?’ or the presumption that you have to pick a side as a mixed person. When people don’t hear the response that they want, it usually leads to an argument or debate and they seemingly continue to judge you for not choosing.
As a child, my experiences outside of the home that influenced how I felt as a person of mixed heritage, I had a very limited understanding of mixed heritage outside of my own background in terms of being mixed from a Black and White background. As I grew up noticing mixed-race women in the media, there was Alicia Keys, Rachel Yankey and Ms Dynamite who I felt ‘looked like me’ and there was some representation. The representation in the media made me feel that I looked mixed-race, if that makes sense. However, my outlook now on being mixed is not as surface as an adult in terms of my appearance and as society integrates further, there is no mixed-race look. As an adult, I’ve learned that being of mixed heritage allows me a freedom to express myself how I wish from the foundation of my childhood. Although, there is an expectation from others that as a person of mixed heritage, you have to ‘pick a side’ so that they can treat you according to those cultural expectations.
There needs to be more understanding and compassion amongst us. People often look within themselves to find a way to relate to the experiences of others but for the most part, it’s important to just listen to the experiences of others. By acknowledging the experiences that are shared, including the impact and feelings from the experience, we can consider solutions that could potentially influence change. For the most part, people hear but don’t listen.
My identity has remained very personal to me in that I do not feel any pressure to be a certain way. I have the freedom to live in my own truth as part of my identity. I look forward to uncovering new facets of my identity throughout my personal development.
I have not visited Nigeria, yet! But I would like to make plans too, I feel it’s important in order for me to learn more about my culture and where I’m from. Speaking with family in Nigeria is not the same as being in their presence and knowing them.
Although I have worked in environments with management teams that have a diverse BAME representation which can only continue to be on the rise, I have not met many mixed-race lecturers within the educational institutes where I have studied. Within the media, the representation of mixed-race heritages is ever-growing and there are a multitude of platforms expanding upon this representation from what I have seen. It just goes to show how multi-cultural our society is and how much we can really learn from each other.
Throughout the peak of the covid pandemic, I had continued to go out to work.I hadn’t experienced remote working until starting a new job in which I then caught covid in December 2021 that I thankfully fully recovered from.