English | Malaysian Chinese
My Mum is Malaysian Chinese and my Dad is English. I think they met in a hospital where my Mum was a Nurse. I was brought up solely by my Mother who is Malaysian Chinese. The only Western food we ate was fried chicken from Morley’s now and again as a treat. I only learnt how to hold a knife and fork properly in primary school when another kid called out how weirdly I was holding my cutlery. Even though my home was very Chinese in some ways my Mum didn’t teach me or my brother Chinese as she was afraid we’d get confused. I really wish she had as I feel I would be able to connect with my Asian side more easily and have a better understanding of my family in Malaysia which is very important to me now as an adult.
The problems caused by cultural differences have always been low on my priority list and have never impacted how I choose a partner, but now I am older I can see issues such as: unsupportive families, experiencing prejudiced, conflicts over parenting styles, clashes over fundamental beliefs or loss of identity can undermine a strong union. I am British and you could say I come from the same culture as my boyfriend but I was brought up in a strict Chinese household and in a different social class compared. One clear difference is different values over issues such as family.
I have never hidden my identity as when I was a child I was clearly Asian and many people didn’t realise I was even mixed-race and assumed I was fully Asian. However if I didn’t look so Asian I think there would have been a chance I would have hidden my identity as I experienced racism. All I know is I just wanted to be ‘normal’ and someone who didn’t stand out from the crowd like I did at the time.
Racism is ingrained in British society and there isn’t a quick fix. We have to individually and collectively work to get rid of it. Sadly I doubt we will rid of racism in my lifetime so a lot needs to change. People of colour need to start telling their stories themselves and not through the White gaze. We might not be able to tackle racism by ourselves but we can all play a part. Challenging racism when you see it and reporting it helps to make other people see it's not okay.
Attitudes about interracial marriage definitely vary widely by age. Although it is much more acceptable now I still know of friends who have unaccepting parents and people who have succumb to family pressures in regard to finding a partner who are the same ethnicity and from the same culture. I am lucky and my Mum doesn’t give me any judgement regarding the ethnicity of my partner. I know it can be difficult but there are ways to bridge the gap and create a family unit which works well in both worlds while retaining integrity and authenticity.
As a young kid I hated that I was Asian and was made to feel like an ‘other’. I wasn’t what I saw in textbooks and never the default. Representation matters especially at such a young age. I didn’t see myself in the world and because of that I didn’t see myself as normal. I was made to feel embarrassed about who I am and I was mentally not mature enough to accept myself for who I was and hated feeling strange so there was a real struggle with my identity.
I go back to Malaysia to see my family every other year but have always felt a divide due to differences in culture and language barriers. I often think it would have been mentally more healthy to be an Asian growing up in an Asian world so I could feel truly part of the collective, as growing up in the UK was difficult. When I was younger I hated being Asian and now as an adult you could say I’m overcompensating the other way. There’s been a big shift in my interests since I’ve started learning Chinese in my adult years. It has led me to naturally take more of an interest in Asia and more of an appreciation of the culture and my ancestry.
Regarding East Asian representation I often feel like we are the hidden minority. I feel like there is quite a big population in this country; however especially in the media I don’t feel like there is proportional representation. This is a problem I especially noticed as a kid where I was actively looking for people like me that I could assimilate and was not able to find anybody.
I think rationally I’d want to be reborn as a very privileged person so I can have an easier life. But my heart says different as I am proud of what I’ve achieved coming from a council estate in Croydon, from a single parent household and dealing with the challenges of being an ethic minority.
In the third UK lockdown I think all of us have some sort of struggle with our wellbeing. I tried to keep myself occupied in my free time and made sure I left the house at least once a day for a walk to clear the cobwebs. My main feeling about the third lockdown was that I was tired. I’m not against the lockdown, however I do feel that the whole situation could have been avoided. Keeping in contact with friends, exercising when I can, and keeping myself distracted with hobbies such as learning Chinese.