English/Irish | Hong Kong Chinese
I’m English/Irish & Hong Kong Chinese and heterosexual. My Mum was born and raised in England but I recently discovered that I’m half Irish. My Dad was born in Hong Kong and moved to Liverpool when he was 21. I don’t recall ever not knowing that I was ‘half Chinese’. My Mum told me early to prepare me for the inevitable name calling, but I didn’t understand what that actually meant. I realised I was mixed-race aged 6 when filling out a form for swimming club. I wasn’t sure what ‘ethnicity’ meant so the instructor told me to ‘just tick White’. I was so upset – I knew I wasn’t just White!
Growing up in the 90s on the edge of Liverpool I was one of just a handful of non-White children. So much so that the racial slurs I heard in primary school weren’t even accurate. High school was the same and yet I never found myself wanting to fit in; the contrast made me cling to my identity more.
My siblings are White so Chinese culture wasn’t brought into the home, but I immersed myself in as much culture as possible. Growing up it was weird to acknowledge that my family would never truly understand or empathise with my experiences as a mixed-race girl.
The main challenge I face being mixed-race is the belief that mixed = Black & White. For some reason (perhaps due to one-dimensional portrayal of East Asian’s in the media) people feel comfortable saying I don’t look Chinese. Some have gone as far as to dissect my facial features over dinner or compare me to another half Chinese person they know. Rudeness aside, it’s clear people are unaware there’s more than one way to look Asian. Things people have said include ‘your neighbours were White growing up so that makes you White’, ‘only half of you can be offended’ or ‘you’re basically White’. As if they’re better qualified than I to make the call, the latter stings that little bit more coming from Asians. Hapa’s are always asked to prove their ‘Asian-ness’ with questions like ‘can you speak?’ or ‘have you been?’, usually followed by ‘well you’re not really Chinese then..’. I’m under no illusion that being White-passing grants me a certain level of privilege in the world but that doesn’t make me White. Barack Obama’s darker complexion does not invalidate Megan Markle’s Blackness. As an extrovert I recharge around people but throughout childhood those people did not represent me. London is an amazing melting pot of culture which I thrive off! The same is true for relationships, my partner has to be able to relate to my experiences and provide space for my journey of self-discovery. The thing I love the most about being mixed-race is that because I belong nowhere I feel like I belong everywhere. I have a huge amount of empathy and compassion for other races/cultures and am curious to learn about as many as I can. I feel connected to my rich and vibrant heritage more than ever which is a beautiful thing, to connect out of choice and not just circumstance. If I were to be born again, I’d return exactly as I am. Maybe with better eyebrows!