Dutch | Ghanaian/Togolese
My Mother is from the Netherlands, and my Father is from Ghana and has Togolese roots. They met at an African party in Amsterdam. I was raised by my Dutch mom. She’s a very open minded lady from Amsterdam. She raised me and my brother to be open to all kinds of cultures and lifestyles. We could ask her anything and she would try her best to educate and question us. Nothing in her eyes is weird, there is always a reason or explanation and we would look for it together. My Dad didn’t really raise me, I would see him on the weekends sometimes but he did not have an active role. I would eat Ghanaian dishes but other than that there were no cultural values added.
I try to raise my children like my Mother, open minded little human beings in control of their own destiny, I do add bits and pieces of the Ghanaian culture I’ve accumulated over time, visiting and trying to better understand Ghana. In that sense I love being mixed-race because I only take the pieces I like.
I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I've been raised in a Western society with Western standards but ever since I've lived in Ghana I liked that society more. The ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ culture is something my heart yearns for. Initially it was a sabbatical to learn from Ghanaian culture as a family, which through the pandemic extended to a prolonged stay. We loved being in Ghana but Accra is not a city that is ready for families. I prefer the sense of community in Ghana, the love and light strangers give you daily. There is so much expectation on Mothers doing it all, but were not made to do it all. For a long time I thought I had to. But living in Ghana has taught me that it takes a village to raise a child. And not two parents only.
I used to be ashamed of the fact that I was African, and told people I was Afro Caribbean. I hated the word ‘bokoe’, a term Surinamese people always used to shout if anyone African annoyed them. I hated it so much that I rather hide the fact that I was African to not be bullied. Knowing who you are, where your roots are from is so important. I am much more set in my identity. I know who I am and where I come from. I'm just looking to find a balance between both worlds. I would love to spend more time in Ghana/Africa.
I don’t have one specific role model, many different people I have met from all walks in life have inspired me. I love to travel and learn about different ways of living
I’ve followed the ‘marriage’ things / steps that are taken in the Ghanaian culture. Although I didn't understand completely, it was beautiful. I love how two families come together as one in Ghanaian culture. There are family members from my husband's side that I have never met and members from my family he has never met. While we share two children. I find that very strange.
I cried recently, not knowing what priorities matter more, my children or mine. The pandemic has given me a different view on life. All that matters is health, freedom and peace of mind. I am very happy and pleased that I am a mixed-race woman who has experienced living in both cultures. I love and hate things for both sides. In my perfect world I would create a little village where there is the best of both worlds combined.