British | Persian (Iranian) (BHF Legacy Development Executive)
My Mother is from England, she was born in Germany but raised in the West Midlands. My Father is from Tehran, Iran. My Father came to England to study English with intent to return to Iran. He met my Mother in college whilst studying. She said he was so charismatic and charming with so many friends, she never thought he'd be interested in her. But that's where they met and that was it. That was in 1978. In 1979 the Iranian revolution happened, and my Grandfather told my Father to stay in England for the time-being. That was it, they fell in love, had children and my Dad never returned to live there.
I suppose a lot of my Mother’s culture naturally embedded itself in my Father since he lived and worked in England, we adopted so many of the English cultural values. He went on to run pubs, country clubs, nightclubs, and before he retired he owned two greasy-spoon cafes! I know when they first met my Mum would help my Dad learn English, and naturally she picked up Farsi too, I think it's incredible they forged a relationship despite barely being able to communicate! I don't know a lot about my Mothers background, her family wiped their hands of her after she married and stayed with my Father. I think there's a bit of a gap in terms of my understanding of her background and where she comes from, I don't think we really like to talk about that as a family.
My Father's definitely the patriarch of the family and the Iranian cultures oozes through us. We would eat Iranian food most nights of the week and we're very familiar with the cuisine, my Father learnt to cook it through taste and honed it over the years. He still drives over to deliver me delicious food (during lock down he would drive over, leave the food on top of the car, then call me downstairs to come and pick it up!). Iranian music was always playing on family drives or in the house, and he would tell us tales and stories of Iranian lore. I went on to study Iranian politics and culture in my post-graduate studies.
The Iranian influence was at times hard to coalesce with Western culture, the biggest example being around relationships. In my teenage years I wanted to date and be in relationships, but my Father and siblings were so opposed to it, I often had to keep my relationships in the dark and wouldn't be able to introduce them to my family properly. I think my Father was more concerned that I focus on my studies and he panicked that I would accidentally get someone pregnant! All he would say is ‘your life hasn't even started yet. Study, get your PhD and then you can think about girls!’. As he's gotten older his attitude has softened a bit, he also trusts that I'm a rational adult and things are a bit easier now. I do see times where the cultures do clash and it's hard for my parents to compromise.
I don't think culture has affected how I choose my partner in terms of where they are from etc. However, I have found I like to be around people who are family orientated, and that are outgoing/large families. I think that's probably more to do with my upbringing and less to do with specifically either sides of my culture. Also food, food has to be a big part of our lives!
I don't think I've ever hidden any of my identity, I'm so proud of my Persian heritage, and I'm also so appreciative of my English side too. I struggle with some of the English side because I don't have any interaction with anyone apart from my Mother. My Dad would sometimes say to me I should avoid interracial relationships as they make life harder than it needs to be for the couple and the children. I don't agree with that sentiment, but I understand where he is coming from.
In the 70's and 80's when first came to the UK people would spit at them and my siblings in the street. Life was hard for him when he came back then, and he doesn't want us to suffer like that. I don't think things are as bad as that anymore, however; I'm constantly aware of the friction that cultures can have against one another, especially around certain things that people hold dear to them. I think, ultimately, it comes down to your values and beliefs, and if you share those then you will be OK. As for how the outside treats interracial relationships, I think being in London definitely helps as it is more common. I'm also aware of how different it is outside of London.
When my partner took me to visit her family in Yorkshire, some of them were shocked/intrigued etc, and her Grandmother was apprehensive. As it happens everyone has been really lovely and me and her Grandmother get along really well, but she was nervous when I came to visit.
Identity has been a confusing concept for me my entire life. When I was much younger, growing up in Gloucester, I wasn't even aware I appeared different to others. I was definitely treated different growing up there, looking back I was separated from some people in my class, and most of the times people wanted to upset me they would resort to racial slurs. But it wasn't until random people would yell unprovoked racial slurs at me in public that I realised I didn't appear like everyone else around me.
When I came to London I had a fantastic English Literature tutor, he was of Indian descent but appeared White Western. I had many conversations with him about identity and he confessed it's something he still grapples with. I certainly feel closer to my Iranian side than I do English, and I wonder if that's because of how I've been treated throughout my life. Often I think England, and many of the people in it, don't really see me as 'English'.
It's a strange thing because I feel like I know myself really well, I know my strengths, weaknesses, interests, personality traits. But when it comes to my identity around my dual heritage I feel confused, ashamed, disappointed, proud, and a whole other mix of feelings depending on the situation.
I've visited Iran twice, the first time I was there for roughly 4 months, it was in 2009 during the Green Movement and we were stuck there with no flights out. It was a life-changing experience for me to meet hundreds of members of family I barely knew existed, and to explore a whole area of my identity and background. I went back again in 2011 for about 6 weeks. Every time I go back there I feel a sense of belonging, I've noticed people don't treat me like I'm different, the smells and sounds are familiar and warm to me. I would like to go back more often. Since 2011 I've needed to update my birth certificate and It's been a little bit difficult to get it done due to administrative delays and issues. Ideally I'd like to return to Iran every year and visit my family, touch base with my roots, and it's also a great chance for me to practice my Farsi, something I'm determined to learn fluently.
When I was very young I definitely didn't think very much about my Iranian side, even though it was so prominent at home; I felt English, just like so many of my friends and people around me. As I got older and realised I wasn't the same as other people, I started to lean more into my mixed heritages. It wasn't until I went to Iran that I developed a hunger to know more about that side.
In adulthood my opinions and feelings have roughly been the same, I'm so happy to be of mixed heritage, I feel unique, I feel like I have layers of complexity and depth which make me a unique individual, and overall I see it as a positive thing. I'm very open-minded, liberal, and accepting of everyone - I think a very large part of that is due to my mixed heritage. I do think as I get older, learn more, understand more, my outlook on being mixed will develop, but I don't think I'll ever see it as a negative thing.
I think that my workplace is conscious of being as inclusive as possible and are often discussing these topics. Whether I feel it's considerate of my specific backgrounds, I would say no, but I'm involving myself in lots of our initiatives company-wide and hoping I can contribute toward building safe places for discussion and to raise awareness. I think many of the changes I would recommend are already being implemented, things like unconscious bias training, blind CVs, affinity groups, and plenty of other initiatives. One thing I do think needs to be improved is the diversity at the Executive level so that there's better representation from the senior levels.
Personally, I think there's three avenues which all need to come together to tackle racial inequality. I think that the media needs to do a proper job of fair representation of all people, whatever skin colour, sexual orientation, gender, etc. An unbiased and representative media is essential. I think the education system in the UK needs a severe overhaul, the amount of incorrect/bias information I learnt growing up was appalling. A fair, neutral education which is diverse in curriculum and shares both positive and negative aspects of history etc will go a long way towards developing a nation of critical thinkers. Finally, I think the policy and structures in place are disadvantageous toward people of BAME backgrounds; if we can begin to support those disadvantaged from the get-go and provide an equal playing field, along with a change in education and media, I think that would vastly improve racial inequality in the UK.
In the height of lock down, when I was also on furlough, I spent a lot of time catching up with friends and family virtually, whether that was to play games, chit chat, etc. I was also utilising a lot of my free time to read and think, especially when the BLM movement gained a lot of momentum. I thought a lot about the world we live in, the political systems we live in, and the nature of human beings.
Outside of those, I have been playing a lot of Dungeons and Dragons. On furlough I was playing it most days, now I've restricted myself to three separate campaigns (which is still quite a lot!). My snooker club opened up again a few months ago too, so I spent every day (on furlough) in the club improving. Now I try to go 2 or 3 times a week, it's nice to have a hobby where I can see improvement. All of these things have really helped my mental wellbeing and have kept me positive.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would like to return as a drop of water. I'd like to travel, see the world, meet the creatures of the world, and relax for a bit.