British | Palestinian
My Mum is Palestinian and my Dad is British. They met in Palestine, through friends at Birzeit University and divorced when I was a baby so together they were kind of unable to blend the cultures.
Although my Dad is fluent in Arabic and spent a number of years living in Palestine I would say he is culturally English, apart from food there was little Palestinian cultural influence growing up with my Dad. My Mum is very culturally Palestinian, I have almost exclusively eaten Palestinian food at her house and she is your typical Arabic Mum in many ways. The majority of her friends here are Arabic speaking but I was never taught the language. That was a big blocker for me in embracing the culture when I was younger.
Food has always been my strongest bridge, and now it has become instrumental in me being able to explore my identity further. I have visited Palestine separately with both my Mum and with my Dad. These were quite different experiences in many ways but I have always known their deep love for the country, they have always shared that if nothing else. My cultural experiences with the two households I grew up between were so different. If anything the experience of being so lost in two cultures probably makes me gravitate more toward someone completely different.
For a long time I hid a portion of my name, due to its Palestinian connection. Email addresses, Instagram handles, Facebook etc. I’ve been racially ambiguous my whole life so unless people ask, they probably wouldn’t know where I was from. Although this is an issue in itself, because many Palestinians wouldn’t say I am racially ambiguous, people just don’t know what Palestinians look like.
I think it is more straight forward externally to be in an interracial relationship, at least in a Western society. I would hope there is less stigma around it these days, although again that is a privilege. I don’t think it would be so straightforward in Palestine, I know it wasn’t for my Mum. But equally an awareness and openness on both sides to embrace the other side is more pertinent, especially if there are children involved. There is the benefit of more awareness but it has to be applied. I think there was a lot more shame and ostracisation in the past which made interracial relationships more difficult. I would hope that has changed.
People very rarely know where I am from and are always surprised when I say I’m Palestinian, which upon reflection I find quite upsetting. I think never being clearly placed with a group of people meant I struggled to find a sense of belonging and that somehow my Palestinian-ness wasn’t valid because it wasn’t visible to people who in reality knew so little. It’s frustrating we exist on such a surface level, that my outward facing self meant I was told I wasn’t enough of either part of me. I grew up feeling like I wasn’t Palestinian enough, nor English enough to be accepted. I have had to rethink my relationship with being Palestinian and actually that’s been really positive. I’ve realised how much there is there for me and how I am absolutely allowed to claim every part of my culture!
I have been to Palestine quite a few times, although not to actively learn about the culture. I’d really like to visit on my own soon, to navigate my familial relationships on my own and to form my own relationship with the country.
I was talking with my friend the other day who is mixed British/Jamaican, I can’t remember exactly the context of the conversation but she said ‘yeah but you are mixed-race and it kind of took me by surprise. I think for so long I thought I wasn’t allowed to claim that title at the same time as knowing I was different. I didn’t know what I supposed to call myself, I was in such a limbo for so long and I didn’t think I was allowed to be both British and Palestinian. I look forward to embracing both sides of myself wholly now, which I’m sure will evolve and hopefully improve over time!
I only know DJ Khaled and Gigi/Bella Hadid are Palestinian because I have done the work and I seek out that information. I think the vast majority of people wouldn’t know the first thing about what a Palestinian person looks like.
I’d like to be reborn as a big old tree so I could grow and watch everyone for years and years and years. Maybe I’d even get to see the world improve!
It is on a much smaller scale to some other people but the experience of being called Sarah, rather than Sara constantly my whole life I actually becomes soul destroying. I get it almost every time I introduce myself to anyone. In emails, over the phone, in person. I think that was probably one of the first things that made me hate how different I was. This tiny thing like one letter in my name that made me different but that no one could get right.
During the pandemic it’s been very up and down but I am lucky I managed to get a business up and running which has kept me quite occupied.