British | Hong Kong Chinese
My Mum is from Hong Kong but has lived in the UK for most of her life. My Dad is from the UK. They met when they were fresh out of college, I think at a party and split when I was young.
My parents spent some time living in Hong Kong. As far as I know, my Dad loved it out there and he's much better at speaking Cantonese than I am. We definitely spent more time with my Mum's family in the UK than my Dad's side, I remember going for yum cha and Chinese dinners nearly every weekend.
With partners, for me it's really important that they have an open mind, travel out of their comfort zone, and I can't deal with a fussy eater! The kind of family they come from matters too. I've experienced casual racism from the relatives of partners, and it's important that they stand up to it. I would never want to be part of a family that sees race as a punchline. And with dating, in the past I've had to dodge a lot of fetishisation. Some men won't hesitate to ask really intrusive, intimate questions as soon as they find out you're mixed, or they'll say icky things like ‘I've never been with a mixed girl before’. I don't know how anyone thinks that's a normal thing to say.
Most of the time, I feel lucky to have multiple cultures. But sometimes I feel like an outsider in both, which I think is a really common feeling for anyone who is mixed-race. I grew up in the UK, and pretty much passed for White, but it was my single Chinese Mother who raised me. When I was little some kids in our neighbourhood (a White working-class area of Birmingham) egged our house, on another occasion I heard them yell racial slurs at my Mother. At school, I'd get classmates stretching their eyes into slits and pretending they were Chinese. So I actually never felt White growing up, and definitely never felt patriotic. I have always struggled to settle and make roots, probably because I've never felt like I'm 100% at home anywhere.
I moved to Hong Kong as soon as I could, right after graduating. I'd always wanted to because I thought that going to Hong Kong would feel like going home. I'd visited every few years, but this was my first time living and working there. Overall, it was a great experience. I enjoyed a lot of good food and learned more about the culture, especially the sense of humour. But I was gutted to realise almost nobody could tell I was half Chinese! I used to get asked if I was able to use chopsticks, which sounds minor but felt horrible, and I felt like a failure for not being able to pick up much Cantonese.
I think I've slowly come to realise that you don't need to live in one place or the other to feel like you belong somewhere, you can mix it up by yourself. Cooking helps. Learning new recipes, then making up my own fusion dishes, is a fun way to feel more in touch with both sides. And I can choose what holidays I want to follow; whip up a Christmas feast, then plan a traditional Lunar New Year dinner the next month. As I get older, I'd like to think I'll worry less about belonging somewhere and just make sure I'm enjoying the best of both cultures. If I have children one day, I'll have my own blend of traditions to pass down to them.
It's rare enough to see main characters or leaders in the West who are Chinese, let alone mixed Chinese. And in the media, Chinese females are always either the sidekick geek or the exotic sex symbol. Representation has probably only gotten worse in the UK since COVID, the growth in mainstream anti-Asian hate is very scary.
I spent the whole lockdown either reading, writing or cooking. I find long, complicated recipes really therapeutic, and I like reading anything that's set in another country, so I can get a bit of escapism and learn some of the history that they don't teach us in the UK.