British | Chinese
I identify as mixed-race; East Asian and European. My Mum is from the UK and grew up on a farm in the rural Essex Suffolk border. My Dad was born near Canton (now called Guangzhou) in South China and moved to Hong Kong with his family when he was young to escape the difficulties with the Chinese government and the rise of the Communist party. Dad moved to the UK in the 60's with some of his siblings, to work in Chinese restaurants. They were from an affluent family in HK, and my older Uncle came first to set-up opportunities for the other siblings. I don't know the exact story of how they met, but when Dad moved to the UK he worked in a local Chinese restaurant. My Grandfather was a farmer and owned a Butchers that supplied meat to the local businesses. My Mum would help with deliveries, and I assume that's how they met. At the time there would have been very few foreign people in rural Suffolk/Essex.
Combining cultures was something my Mum encouraged, but my brothers and I were kept quite separate from the Chinese side of the family. My Dad did not speak to us in Cantonese, and at family gatherings like New Year, we didn't understand conversations, and we were treated differently and sometimes had to sit on separate tables. Even at an early age, I understood how isolating being different could be and all the doubts that it brings. It was hard to observe how differently my Chinese cousins were treated by their parents. At home with my Mum and brothers or Grandparents was the only place I felt genuinely accepted until I started to make close bonds with friends at school. Even then, I never felt as good as my blonde blue-eyed schoolmates.
My parents separated when I was 6, and before that, our Dad was rarely at home, working long hours in the restaurants. I was sent to HK when I was about 10/11 years old but had to travel there alone and meet a cousin and Aunt I'd never properly met before. At the time it was terrifying, it was the first time I'd been away from my Mum and brother, and not being able to speak the language made it worse. Looking back, it was a good experience, and I've been to HK many since.
Interracial relationships are such a positive thing! Bringing cultures together should be celebrated and be such an exciting experience for a child to grow up being exposed to different cultural beliefs, food, traditions etc. Unfortunately, when I was growing up, my Mum was mistreated for marrying a foreigner, and I even never felt accepted by my Dad and some of my Chinese family. I was very aware even as a very young child, I looked different and didn't fit in with my Chinese relatives. Not being able to speak the language exaggerated this. My Dad has never talked to us about his childhood. I know this is something we'll never know, which is very sad and something I'd never want for my own children. I have never dated an East Asian man, unconsciously I'm probably trying not to choose someone like my Dad.
I feel grateful for being different, even though it has been challenging at times, and my two cultures are a big part of me and something I'm proud of. I may not have been accepted as part of my Chinese family, but the Chinese culture is something that is part of my daily life, especially with the cuisine!
I've created a life and people around me who fully accept me for just being me. Our differences should be celebrated! The first time I felt legitimately Chinese was in Newham Hospital while I was looking after a sick University friend. A Chinese nurse came up and spoke in Cantonese, I told her I couldn't understand her and wasn't full Chinese, she replied saying ‘but you are Chinese’ and disappeared down the hall. That's always stayed with me.
The Asian stereotype is a strong one, and I've differently fallen foul of it a few times. The assumption I'm a grade A nerd when academic subjects at school were a real struggle. As I wasn't very academic and didn't want to become an accountant or doctor, my Dad took very little interest in my education. When people find out I'm half Chinese, I'm always asked if I can speak the language. Every time I say no, I feel like a failure or like I'm not legitimately part of that culture. It also reminds me of all the things I've missed out on, especially when visiting HK and not being able to communicate with my relatives. I've missed out on so much knowledge about my family and culture.
Growing up in rural Suffolk in the 80's, we were the only mixed-race kids. I was lucky having two older brothers who went 'first', I'll always be grateful to them for having their support. They were the only people the same as me, and I got a lot of comfort from that. It’s always surprised me how differently people see me, some would be surprised I was half Chinese and refused to believe me. Others seemed to know straightway!
I always celebrate Chinese New Year. This should traditionally be done with your whole extended family which is something I don't have, but I'll always have drinks and a meal with my friends to mark the occasion. I visited Hong Kong many times. A few times going on my own as simply being there made me feel more part of being Chinese and the culture.
If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would return as me!