Jamaican | Scottish

Born in London, Jamaican (mum) Scottish (dad) met in London. My mum asked my dad for directions in Brixton. I grew up in Brixton, at 10 I moved to Scotland to live with my dad until 16. It was amazing but I was like fat, brown and English and those are the 3 worst things you can be in Scotland. It definitely wasn’t easy. It was very rural Scotland though so it was like more ignorance than malice. They would call me half caste or coloured or say, “so what do we call you”. And then people like trying to be mean and call you ‘paki’ and it's like, if you're going to be racist, then at least get it right. It didn't really bother me. I knew there was a bigger picture than this. Coming from such an amazing multicultural city and primary school specifically in Brixton where colour was not a thing because everyone was from everywhere. I think I learnt from young that's just the way things should be.

I'm part of this group on Facebook which is a support group for brown/black people dating white people because I always go for white men, I think I have like a bit of a Freudian complex that I want someone like my dad basically. So I have exclusively had white boyfriends, I’ve never slept with or had a black or mixed race boyfriend or partner.

I would love to have been my great grandma from the Jamaican side. She was one of like 13 in this shack in Jamaica but her dad was a Scottish policeman and her mom was Jamaican so she was mixed race in the early 1900’s. I would have loved to have known more about her. I don't know much about her. I don't know that much about Scottish policeman, it would be interesting to come back as someone from that time so I could know more about her so I could compare my life with hers to see the progress or maybe the lack of progress. The ‘perceived’ progress. I think the notion of passing would have been a thing that she had to deal with and so I would love to know more about her. I found my place and my voice quite young, I'm 24 now but I've known about myself and I've been okay with my identity for a good few years now.