Irish | Ghanaian

Photo credit: provided by subject

I identify as Black, queer, lesbian woman (she/her). My Mum is from Bantry Bay in West Cork in Ireland, and my Father is from Accra, Ghana. They met in the 70s in Kilburn; no Irish, no Blacks, no dogs. A melting pot of ethnicities and immigrants living side by side.

I don’t think my parents combined their cultures well. My Mum’s Irish Catholic family were at first disapproving I think. Equally I think my Ghanaian family were disappointed my Father didn’t marry a Ghanaian. Those worlds never met in reality other than at home, they both bridged their gaps in culture with food. Cooking from where they came from, my Mum did however bravely turn her hand to cooking Ghanaian dishes. Her doing that is what kept me connected to my Dad and my Ghanaian culture when he wasn’t around. Love doesn’t look, it arrives in your heart or bubbles up from your soul, you can’t choose who you love. I think we all get that these days. 

My culture is hard to define, what is my culture - British? Ghanaian? Irish? English? Pan European? I am a product of every environment and human interaction I have made, that is my culture, my heart chooses my relationships not me. I don’t think culture has much to do with it to be honest for me, only in so much as my partner's mind is shaped similarly to me and my life experiences.

My favourite experiences of being mixed-race is meeting other mixed-race with similar ancestry, comparing notes on cultures, however more than that my mixed heritage allows me into more White spaces than perhaps it would other Black people and I try to use that space to be a voice for the wider BAME community. 

Of course I have experienced challenges due to my background, who hasn’t? I am all too familiar with my privilege in society being mixed-race but yes, it does present its own unique challenges. Being seen how you want to be seen, being heard how you want to be heard, being accepted by either Black or White society and never quite feeling at home or comfortable in those environments. I’ve been through all that, plus racism from both sides and rejections from both sides, and tokenistic acceptance by both sides as and when it pleases that side to take pride in ownership of whatever part of me they consider also belongs to them. 

Having labels thirst upon you or taken away ruthlessly, at points feeling like there was some side of racial identity to fall down on like a sword - yes, I have been through all that too.

Food, music, literature are my main access points to my backgrounds. 

I pretty much grew up between London and Ireland, so I know it well and understand that culture. Whilst I lived in Ghana as a bay I didn’t return until in my thirties and wish I’d gone back sooner! I try to visit each year since 2013 and have managed 4 visits in that time due to my crazy work schedule but hope to be more regular there in the near future. 

I was very confused about my identity as a child, well, that’s not strictly true, the exterior world was very confused by my identity and that was imposed on me I guess. Other peoples’ considerations of Blackness or Whiteness and where I stood on that clear line. I always knew my situation to be different, my sister and I were two of a handful of kids at school who were mixed-race. We had little in common with most people in terms of cultural connectivity. We are a very nuclear family, in very weird and unusual circumstances at home so we were already very ‘different’ to other kids. When I was 5 or 6 I recall asking my Mum why I wasn’t grey if she was White and Dad was Black, that’s how my mind worked. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learnt to just be comfortable in my skin, in my own sense of identity. The older I get the more of an ‘activist’ I have become with my Blackness in the foreground and I want people to see that and not that and not present it doesn’t exist however I’m a human and that should be really where people’s attention is.

If I had the opportunity to be reborn I would return exactly the same way. I am the product of my journey and it\s been interesting, though I’d have my adult self speak to my 6-year-old self and drop some wise notes on self-love and care so that I had a full tank to head into the world with.