Indian | Tanzanian

Photo credit: Provided by subject

I have always firmly believed that we should look past race and ethnic origin and view people as individuals through the content of their character. However, one cannot deny that race and ethnicity do influence how a person is treated and how we view others. 

I am a British Londoner, with 'ethnic' parents. My Father was born and raised in Tanzania and was first married to my sister's Mother (who is German), and later married my (British-Indian) Mother whom I share with my brother. I know that my Dad experienced intense difficulties with both these relationships, in terms of familial acceptance in the beginning. A German/Tanzanian and later Indian/Tanzanian marriage in the 80s and 90s were still frowned upon, particularly in communities that don't tend to marry outside of their own ethnic origin.

However, I think because of this, both my parents have always been very open-minded when it comes to race, and encourage my brother and I to be ourselves, and not be consumed with skin colour. I have always had a hard time identifying with the 'Black community' in London; in secondary school I was called 'Black on the outside, White on the inside,' and am used to mostly having friends who are White. Ironically, I've found White people to be less concerned with my skin colour, but there are still subtle twinges that I feel can make mixed-race people feel like 'outsiders' among their White friends.

Hair has always been an issue. People are obsessed with mixed-race hair. When I was little, I hated my hair and wanted long golden locks like Sleeping Beauty. My Mother told me that one day everyone would adore my hair and wish they had it. Sometimes I feel that people like my hair more than me. I do love my curls, and I have dyed my hair multiple colours since my mid-teens and experimented with it, but honestly, it's just something that grows on our heads! Hair doesn't 'make' a person, and it's always saddened me when Black women feel ashamed of their natural hair and wear straightened weaves instead. I've definitely felt a strained dynamic between Black and mixed-race women when it comes to physical features; I feel that sometimes there's a slight resentment of mixed-race women by Black women because we have more 'caucasoid' features, and this tension makes me sad, as there are plenty of beautiful Black women out there like Naomi Campbell, Ajiona Alexus and Solange Knowles. It's appalling how dark-skinned women have historically been viewed as 'less beautiful' than light-skinned or mixed-race women in Western culture. 

I also want to touch on the issue of social class, I do feel that in London, there is a 'Black middle social class' (not necessarily economically well-off) who mostly have White friends, attend universities where the majority of the students are White, and usually have White partners. Most of the Black people I have befriended in my life have felt these senses of 'othering' by groups of Black people that consider us 'too White' or 'not Black enough.' But then, even among a group of White friends who don't care about race, we are never going to be 'White', we're always the 'exotic flower' who stands out.

I hope that in my fiction novels, I portray all people. Be they Black, White, mixed or Asian, as fully fleshed-out humans regardless of their skin colour. We are more than our skin, but we also can't hide or deny the senses of discomfort and loneliness that can sometimes come from being the exotic mixed-race friend whose hair everyone covets.